Friday, April 13, 2018

Dial E For Eternity--A Tale Of No Consequence!

Look, they can't all be winners.

Yeah, sometimes Kid Eternity saves people, and makes their lives better. Sometimes he catches vile villains. Sometimes he preserves the foundations of the heavenly order by capturing people who've escaped from Eternity.

And sometimes he gets snoopy, and ends up helping unpleasant people get a few bags of money from another unpleasant person.

We begin with Keeper regaling Kid with tales of the decrepit mansion they're passing by...

Hundred years? What's up with that?

Detective David O'Brien. He's completely made up for this story, so let's have him drop still more exposition!

Well, the descendants of kinsmen are some pretty unlikable folks...especially Aunt Resolute Mulgrew!!

"Scapegrace"?!?! Look it up!! We need to get that word back in circulation!!

Eric--she's your cousin, bro!!

Plus, Resolute calls them lallygaggers. Lallygaggers!! Oh, Resolute, you and your antiquated slang!!

Well, Kid can't wait for the lawyer to find out where the money is, so...

Jason Mulgrew!!

Well, of course not--he's a dickweed. How big a dickweed? He booby-trapped the house to kill his own descendants!!

Thomas Edison!!

Now, I'm impressed that Sylvia recognizes him. I'm sure if he walked up to me today, there's no way I'd know Thomas Edison from Adam.

I'm not even sure why Edison was summoned, as all he does is tell us the obvious...

The reading of the will reveals...

They look, and find...

That's true. Mulgrew was an asshole like that!

Achilles!! And you're right, sir--this is actually the 3rd time Kid has summoned you. Now you're tied with Mercury for the lead!!

But before he tries the door, we get the most important subplot of this entire story: Achilles loves modern sandwiches!!

Meanwhile, back at the secret door...

Yeah, it was booby trapped. But you can't blow up Achilles!!

Who the HELL rigs up a cannon to kill his heirs?!?!

But there's no treasure? What gives?!?

Kid forgot to send Mulgrew back, so he comes to gloat!

Who can help find the money?!?

Alessandro Cagliostro!!

"You mincing macoroni"?!?!?!?


Yes, a complete waste of time.

But Kid has one more trick of his sleeve...

Bring back David O'Brien, the detective who hounded Mulgrew to suicide!!

So, yay...we torture a vile old dead guy so his none-too-wonderful descendants can get some money? That's what the whole story was about?!?

Hey, let's not forget Achilles and the sandwiches!

Like I said...Achilles realllly loves sandwiches!!


After 26 stories, here are our summoning standings:

Achilles 3
Antony, Marc 1
Atlas 2
Attila The Hun 1
Attucks, Crispin 1
Barry's father 1
Bernhardt, Sarah 1
Bertillon, Alphonse 1
Blackhawk 1
Boone, Daniel 1
Breitbart, Zishe 1
Bucephalus 1
Bunyan, Paul 2
Byron, George Gordon 1
Caesar, Octavian 1
Cagliostro, Alessandro 1
Canary, Martha “Calamity” 1
Cannon, John W. 1
Carden, Foster 1
Cherry Sisters 1
Clancy, Patrick 1
Cody, “Buffalo” Bill 1
Columbus 1
Corbett, Jim 2
Cronson, Gerald 1
Custer, George Armstrong 1
D'artagnan 1
de Leon, Ponce 1
Decatur, Stephen 1
Discus Thrower 1
Dockstader, Lew 1
Don Quixote 1
Drake, Sir Francis 1
Dupin, C. Auguste 1
Edison, Thomas 1
Emery 1
Ericson, Leif 1
Galahad 1
Gotch, Frank 1
Grant, Ulysses S. 1
Greb, Harry 1
Griffiths, Albert 1
Hercules 1
Hickok, Wild Bill 1
Hippocrates 1
Holmes, Sherlock 1
Houdini 2
Hyer, Tom 1
Jackson, Andrew 1
Javert 1
Jeffries, Jim 1
Jones, John Paul 1
Khan, Genghis 1
Kidd, William 1
King Arthur 1
Laughing Cavalier 1
Leander 1
Lee, Robert E. 1
Leonidas 1
Lincoln, Abraham 1
Marable, Fate 1
Mercury 3
Mulgrew, Jason 1
Murphy, Charles 1
Napoleon 1
Nation, Carrie 1
Nightingale, Florence 1
Noah 1
Nobody 1
Nostradamus 1
O'Brien, David 1
Osceola 1
Paddock, Charley 1
Pheidippides 1
Pinkerton, Allan 1
Plastic Man 1
Porthos 1
Prometheus 1
Robin Hood 2
Russell, Lillian 1
Rustum 1
Samson 2
Sandow, Eugen 1
Schleyer, Johann 1
Siegfried 1
Solomon 1
Sullivan, John L. 1
Tell, William 1
Thor 1
Thurston, Howard 1
Tiglath IV 1
Tut-ankh-amen 1
Twain, Mark 1
Vercingetorix 1
Washington, George 1
Webster, Daniel 1
Zbyzko, Stanislaus 1

NEXT--The 2nd American Revolution!! Plus, the 100th character Kid summons!!

From Kid Eternity #3 (1946)

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