Well, kids it's
Friday Night Fights time, but I'm stuck in 2005 this week--namely,
Marvel 2005 Week.
Which means I'm restricted to titles with an
October 2005 cover date, because even the majesty of Friday Night Fights
cannot interrupt on of my Marvel Weeks.
Which leaves us with
this issue:
And our creators:
Long story short (or, rather short story
really, really padded out to long, and then made short by me again): A racist militia punk has been given a stolen dose of the
Extremis virus, and it's turned him into a "
living bio-weapon." And he's kicking the crap out of
Iron Man. Lets watch, shall we??
Yeah, that's all I got. Hey, it's the best fight from a limited set of choices. Sue me. Unless you're
Spacebooger--he'd probably cream me in court.
More on
Iron Man #4 (2005) after the "go vote" jump.
So, yeah,
go vote. It'll make you feel better.
**Anyway, Extremis. After
Avengers Disassembled, Marvel decided to do a soft reboot/relaunch on Iron Man. And they assigned it to
Warren Ellis and
Adi Granov. And it took
FOREVER. Instead of Extremis, they probably should have called it Extremisly Slow.
This issue, number 4, was October 2005. #1 came out in
January 2005. You do the math.
It got worse, as issue #5 didn't turn up until
March 2006. The arc finally concluded in May, meaning it took
17 months to publish 6 issues. Not exactly the pace to set when you want to attract reader to your
bold new update. Even worse, this wasn't a mini-series or a separate series--this was the
main Iron Man title.
**As you may have noticed, Marvel made a huge deal recently about publishing Extremis as a
motion comic. Now, I'm not a fan of motion comics--I just don't get the concept, frankly--but I appreciate the irony, because this arc, and this issue in particular, are among the most
motionless every published.
This is the only work by Granov I've read, but it shares a flaw that I've noticed in many comics by artists who are more "
painterly"--their work sure is purty, but they just don't demonstrate action or movement very well in the art. It's more like a series of still lifes, or random frames taken from a film. Example: the fight I reprinted above is from consecutive panels (except for the final panel). There's no "
flow" to the action. (And, in fairness, I'll readily admit to being an artistic
nincompoop, and sure, I've probably got bad taste. So what?)
The second reason I find the Motion Comic concept ironic here, is that this arc is
particularly motionless.
Entire issues are taken up by long conversations. Here, for one example, is a conversation between our racist bioweapon and a goth chick:
Wow, just imagine the excitement of
that translated to motion...(but hey, at least Ellis took time off from having the lead characters constantly give
portentous yet generic speeches presented as conversation...to having his
villain and victim show us generic, portentous speechifying.)
**This was a soft reboot--we have
Stark's origin updated to Afghanistan and al Qaeda, we meet some of the intellectual influences from his past who have never been mentioned before, we get extensive discourse about the role military research in Stark's empire as if he's never confronted these issues before.
But, it wasn't intended to do a
Zero Hour, either (at least, I don't think so). Tony was still an
Avenger, people referred to his fighting
Fin Fang Foom, etc.
But despite the fact that in just the previous year Tony's identity had not only been publicly known but
famously known, as he was
U.S. Secretary of Defense, Ellis has everybody in this arc suddenly
not know who Iron Man really is. People keep referring to "whoever the pilot is," renowned documentary makers who presumably did their homework have no idea that Stark is Iron Man...heck, here's an example:
And by
Civil War, once again it's pretty clear that everyone has known for quite awhile. So...did everybody
forget for awhile? Did Ellis forget? Or did he just not care?
If it was me, I'd blame the
Scarlet Witch and quickly change the subject...
**Did I mention how
motionless this comic was? At one point, Iron Man is powerless and trapped under a car...
for 11 consecutive panels. 11. Here's just one:
Be grateful I didn't show you the other 10.
**Ellis does write Tony as still an
incredible dickweed. An unstoppable living bio-weapon is headed for Washington, D.C. (why? We're
never told, exactly, except "
to turn back the clock"), and Tony is completely depowered. He know that undergoing the Extremis process will literally knock him out for 24-48 hours, during which time our perp will doubtless murder more innocent people.
And yet, he
refuses to call for help, and he refuses to even call ahead and
warn anyone:
Yes, Tony is willing to risk the lives of countless thousands, if not millions, just so he can send some ridiculous message--to
whom, exactly?--that he's "
the test pilot for the future."
Incredible. Bunghole.
**Just a pro-tip for our writers and editors: when you emblazon your cover with the fact that this is "
Part 4 of 6," we can be pretty sure...
...that he's
not dead. Really, really weak cliffhanger, is all I'm saying.
Then again, given that the next issue wouldn't be out for
5 months, maybe the
real cliffhanger was whether the
TITLE was dead...
ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE:Speaking of
amazingly ridiculously impossibly late comics books:
As much as I ragged on Iron Man's Extremis arc for running a bit tardy,
Daredevil: Father put it to shame. Written and drawn by
Joe Quesada, inked by
Danny Miki, issue one of what was advertised as a 5-issue mini-series debuted June 2004. Sixteen months later--
16 months!!--#2 arrived in October 2005, and now it was a
6-issue series. So, in other words, in one and a quarter years it hadn't gotten any closer to the end!! (Obviously, part of that 16 months was spent analyzing exactly how many issues were needed, because why do that
before you start?)
#3 & 4 actually followed relatively swiftly, each taking only a month to appear!! Problem solved, right?
Nope. #5 didn't show up until
13 months later, January 2007. #6 lurched across the finish line just a month later...so all-in-all,
32 months for 6 issues.
You ever wonder how, as editor-in-chief, Quesada can possibly nag people at Marvel about deadlines
, when his work is consistently the most tardy and sloppiest by far? Or why he thought this was at all acceptable?? Rank hath its privileges, I guess...
Yup, a mere week after Marvel honcho Joe Quesada opined that Marvel had no female heroes capable of opening a "tent pole" summer movie, and that there were no actresses who could carry such a movie, we're shown that in at least one universe, he's pretty wrong, and there obviously is a market for such fare.
Man I REALLY hope it's Valkyrie...