Monday, October 5, 2015

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Make Your Own Girlfriend For Sweetest Day!

Sweetest Day is coming soon (and before anyone chimes in about "made-up" holidays...ALL holiday are made up.). And the Leader has come up with the perfect strategy for finding a girlfriend--make your own!!

Dr. Rikky Keegan has been tricked by the Leader into extracting the "Gamma Factor" from Bruce Banner, putatively in the name of curing him.

Here's a pro-tip for your first date with the Leader: DON'T DRINK THE WATER!!!

Sorry, Rikky, the Leader has slipped you a gamma-rufie!

Guys, try using this line on your ladies: "The sight of your elongated forehead fires my emerald blood with desire!"

Let's not be sexist--ladies, try this on your men!!

It's all part of the Leader's master plan to put gamma into the New York City water supply, to create a civilization of gamma-powered minions to be his servants!

But remember--the Leader was a mere janitor when gamma-exposure made him a super-intellect. So if you do the same to someone who was already pretty damn smart?

The ingratitude!!

There's only one cure for that:

Yeah, he shot her in the back, but it wasn't a bullet--it was the cure, to return her to normal.

I guess it really was love...

From Incredible Hulk Annual #11 (1982)

Manic Monday Bonus--Superman = Infinite Monkeys?!?

A dickweed alien has given Superman the "gift" of super-super-super powers. He's supercharged Kal-El so much, that he can barely even move on Earth without being a threat and a menace.

So Supes is running around to galaxy, trying to discharge and "use up" all of this extra energy.

What happens next is perhaps the most Silver Age thing ever:


Not that I'm opposed to translating Shakespeare into other languages. Hell, I own a Klingon version of Hamlet. Because nerd.

And I even accept that a race of 1,000 foot tall aliens would develop a typewriter that was identical to ours, including the placement of the space bar...

But given that the Gruulians are no longer around...really, what's the point? 

How about, instead, typing up free copies of Shakespeare's work for everyone on Earth, in their native language? If you really need to "use up" your super-super-super energy?

Or, maybe, just maybe, try ending hunger and poverty and pollution on every nearby inhabited planet?

Oh, never mind, Kal-El. Go on producing reprints of popular Earth works of fiction for an extinct race of giants. We can wait for your attention...

From Superman #198 (1967)

Manic Monday--Why You Don't Put Dogs And Babies In Charge of Countries!

Popeye and crew have gone to visit their old chum King Blozo. But when they get there they find out that Blozo has gone on vacation. And, in his infinite wisdom, he has left his dog, Birdseed, in charge!

Well, as will frequently happen with dogs and boys, Birdseed and Swee'pea soon become best friends.

That's not a good thing for managing a country, it turns out:

"Dog candy"?

You know, providing me with ice cream is something that might work for some current presidential candidates out there. Are you listening, Mr. Trump? My vote can be bought with sufficient quantities of Cherry Garcia...

From Popeye#38 (1956), as reprinted in Classic Popeye #38 (2015)

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Jimmy Olsen Proves The Truth Of Godwin's Law!

There was a bit of a meme back in Silver Age DC.

There were an awful lot of people in Superman's life with the initials L.L.: Lois Lane, Lana Lang, Lori Lemaris, Lex Luthor...Surely just a coincidence combined with a preference for alliterative names.

But someone noticed, and they decided to make a "thing" out of it. And there were a lot--an awful lot--of stories that had increasingly strained discoveries of "hidden" LL's as their punch line.

Eventually the even based an entire issue on some nutsoid LL character using LL to kill Superman:

As my buddy Siskoid blogged about recently, Jimmy Olsen got in on the act:

Even Krypto got entangled in the odd cult of LL:

And so it was game on, as DC writers seemed to get into a contest over who could have the oddest, silliest, most far-fetched way of working LL into their stories.

And, as Godwin's Law tell us, the inevitable result was...

All right, this is not a dream, not a hoax, not an illusion. Please don't ask how or why (please, please!), but Jimmy Olsen actually traveled back in time, and used his knowledge of forthcoming WWII events to convince Hitler he was psychic...and Hitler made Jimmy Olsen his chief military advisor.

Yeah, let that sink in.

And not just a general, either--

Well, Himmler suspects that Jimmy is a traitor, so he actually sets a honey trap for Jimmy. But Jimmy sees through it, and turns the young woman in, "proving" he is loyal...

Yes, I'll just pretend I enjoy kissing the hot Nazi woman...Oh, Jimmy.

But Lotte Lutz is not the most amazing or most egregious LL in the story. No, it's this:

Eventually Jimmy screws up, and Himmler and Goering are trying to chase him down, when...

Worst shot in the world?!? Seriously...

Any, at that exact moment, the "time-bomb" runs out of juice, and Jimmy is brought back to the present...where he realizes:

Ho. Ly. Crap.

I think I can say this without fear of contradiction: when you start using parts of the Nazi swastika to make your LL's, you've probably gone too far. Even though the idea of Goering and Himmler getting beaned by giant L's does have some appeal...No, no, sorry. When your little meme runs into Nazism, you've just gone too far. Period.

Fullest apologies for stepping into Siskoid's Jimmy Olsen turf...

From Jimmy Olsen #86 (1965)

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Spoiler Saturday--How The Mediocre Have Fallen

A handy signifier of the state of the nu52:

The Royal Flush Gang...yes, the Royal Flush Gang...goes tooling around town in a pick-up, looking for people to beat up.

Not robbing banks or casinos. No grand schemes. No flying playing cards. Just driving around on looking for a fight. Sheesh, they can't even all fit on the inside...

And they recruit thuggish idiots to fill out their ranks. And acknowledge to themselves that their members are inadequate.

Have these guys ever even read a DC comic book?

Of course, this is also a universe where Superman broadcasts a video threatening to beat the crap out of people who mess with him:

Yup, that's Superman these days. "Truth," my ass.

Of course, this is the same universe where Clark Kent now looks younger than Dick Grayson.

Seriously, if you beamed here from 2010, you'd believe that was Conner Kent on that cover, right? You'd say, "Wait, they killed off Superboy, and then made Superman look just like Superboy used to?!?"

If you want to read a more detailed review of this week's Superman #44, and why it's not a particularly satisfying approach to Kal-El, you should go read Anj's piece.

You know, many (including myself) have given director Zack Snyder crap for saying several times that his movie Superman and Batman "transcend comics." But if you look at the state of Superman today, well, its hard to argue that the comics don't need transcending.

Friday, October 2, 2015

Friday Night Fights--Bat-Samurai Style!!

Time once again for a moment of incredible badassery in this week's Friday Night Fights.

Batman is in Japan, cleaning up a Yakuza clan, because Batman...

Unfortunately, Tsunetomo, one of the sensei who taught young Bruce Wayne how to fight, is serving this clan...

Uh-oh...Anakin vs. Obi-Wan time!


Spacebooger loves him some shirtless Batman action!!

Samurai Batman is from Detective Comics Annual #3 (1990), by Archie Goodwin, Dan Jurgens (breakdowns) & Bob Giordano (finishes).

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Shirtless Batman with a sword, my friends. Shirtless Batman with a sword. So go vote!!