Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Dial E For Eternity--The Kid Vs. Vandal Savage?!?

Look, not to put too fine a point on it, but the bureaucracy in Eternity sucks worse that the suckiest thing ever:


OK, counting Kid himself, this is at least the 4th time that we know of that there has been a major screw-up: either someone who wasn't supposed to die yet was taken, or someone who was supposed to die wasn't collected or went AWOL.

Now, you may be saying, "Well, four screw-ups over a million years isn't too bad." Except, A) Four that we know of, and B) since two of those screw-ups lead to murderers and dictators wandering the Earth, those are some pretty substantial goofs, and cost uncounted millions of lives, as we shall see!!

Maybe--just maybe--you need to do an audit more frequently than once every million years?

And how is it so easy for these missing dead to hide from Eternity?!? Doesn't the boss have some form of omniscience, or at least super-senses? I mean, come on now!!

So, Kid and Keeper go looking for this lieutenant...


Yow!!

"An African jungle man"?!?!/ Sigh...

So who you gonna call?!?

Henry Stanley!!

Now wait. Curare is from Central and South America--how the heck would Stanley know about it, and why would an "African jungle man" be using it??

Given that our African is certainly drawn more like an indigenous South American, I think either the artist wasn't informed, or the writer changed his mind halfway through, or editors stunk as much back then as they do today.

Still, knowledgeable about curare or not, Stanley knows how to fight a blow-gun!

Fortunately, it's not one of those semi-automatic blow guns...


So who does this guy work for?


Hey!!

Well, you could try calling him back and grilling him for more information...but since Kid can't force people to help him, that might be fruitless. Fortunately, Keeper seems to be a bit of an ethnologist:

At that moment...



Nice crown, dude!


But...but...your follower who killed himself said you never fail!!

Still, our unnamed Million Year Old Man has been pretty busy over the aeons...

That's pretty much Vandal Savage's career!!

Meanwhile...it's battle time! And the bad guys are winning!

So it's time for...

Rogers' Rangers!! This is the second time Kid has called upon them!! And despite being from two centuries ago, they seem to have quite the grasp of modern war and its techniques!



Well, King Oldy-Pants doesn't take defeat well.


Kid arrives to confront him...

And the great one "confesses":

OUCH!!

He leaves Kid in a death trap. But fortunately, a million years on this Earth haven't taught him how to tie a gag securely!

So who can help?

Douglas Fairbanks Sr!!!!!


Woo-hoo!

Now, how will Kid finally put an end to King Ancient Guy?


Cave Man (for lack of a bteer name)!! And...

Jeez!! I guess he was overdue...but still!!

And finally, the books are balanced...for now!

COMPUTERIZE THOSE RECORDS, IDIOTS!!

This was the 58th Kid Eternity story, and our standing are...

Abu 1
Achilles 4
Adam 1
Antony, Marc 2
Apollo 1
Aramis 1
Arnold, Benedict 1
Arthur, King 2
Astor, John Jacob 1
Athos 1
Atlas 3
Attila The Hun 1
Attucks, Crispin 1
Baker, Lafayette 1
Barry's father 1
Barton, Clara 1
Bernhardt, Sarah 1
Bertillon, Alphonse 1
Blackhawk 1
Bluebeard 1
Bolivar, Simon 1
Boone, Daniel 1
Bowie, Jim 1
Boyd, Belle 1
Brady, Diamond Jim 1
Breitbart, Zishe 1
Bucephalus 2
Bunyan, Paul 3
Byron, George Gordon 2
Caesar, Octavian 1
Cagliostro, Alessandro 1
Calhoun, John C. 1
Canary, Martha “Calamity” 1
Cannon, John W. 1
Capulet, Juliet 1
Carden, Foster 1
Carpenter, Daniel 1
Cave Man 1
Cherry Sisters 1
Christian, Fletcher 1
Clancy, Patrick 1
Cleopatra 1
Cody, “Buffalo” Bill 2
Colt, Samuel 1
Columbus, Christopher 2
Corbett, Jim 3
Crockett, Davy 1
Cronson, Gerald 1
Crusoe, Robinson 1
Custer, George Armstrong 1
D'artagnan 2
d'Aubigny. Julie 1
Davis, Richard Harding 1
de Bergerac, Cyrano 2
de Leon, Ponce 1
de Rais, Gilles 1
Decatur, Stephen 1
Discus Thrower 1
Dockstader, Lew 1
Dracula 1
Drake, Sir Francis 1
Dupin, C. Auguste 1
Edison, Thomas 1
Emery 1
Ericson, Leif 2
Fagin 1
Fairbanks, Douglas Sr. 1
Fink, Mike 1
Frankenstein's Monster 1
Franklin, Ben 1
Galahad 1
Geronimo 2
Goliath 1
Gotch, Frank 1
Gothicus, Claudius 1
Grant, Ulysses S. 1
Greb, Harry 1
Griffiths, Albert 1
Gulliver, Lemuel 1
Hamilton, Alexander 1
Hatfield, John 1
Hathorne, John 1
Hauser, Kaspar 1
Henry, Patrick 1
Hercules 2
Hermann, Alexander 1
Hickathrift, Tom 1
Hickok, Wild Bill 1
Hippocrates 1
Hodges, Joe 1
Holmes, Sherlock 3
Hopkins, Matthew 1
Houdini, Harry 3
Houston, Sam 1
Hyde, Edward 1
Hyer, Tom 1
Jackson, Andrew 1
James, Jesse 1
Javert 1
Jeffries, Jim 1
Johnson, Martin 1
Jones, John Paul 1
Jove 2
Khan, Genghis 2
Kidd, William 1
Lafayette, General 1
Lancelot 1
Laughing Cavalier 1
Laveran, Charles 1
Leander 3
Lee, Robert E. 1
Legree, Simon 1
Leonidas 1
Light Brigade 1
Lincoln, Abraham 1
Lister, Joseph 2
Marable, Fate 1
Masterson, Bat 1
Mercury 5
Milo Of Croton 2
Minutemen 1
Mix, Tom 1
Montague, Romeo 1
Montezuma 1
Morgan, Henry 1
Mulgrew, Jason 1
Murphy, Charles 1
Napoleon 1
Nation, Carrie 1
Neanderthal 1
Neptune 1
Nightingale, Florence 1
Noah 1
Nobel, Alfred 1
Nobody 1
Nostradamus 2
O'Brien, David 1
Oakley, Annie 1
Og 1
Orpheus 1
Osceola 1
Paddock, Charley 1
Pasteur, Louis 1
Penelope 1
Perseus 1
Pheidippides 1
Pinkerton, Allan 1
Plastic Man 1
Porthos 2
Post, Wiley 1
Prometheus 1
Quixote, Don 1
Revere, Paul 1
Richard the LionHeart 1
Rin-Tin-Tin 2
Robespierre, Maximilien 1
Robin Hood 3
Roc 1
Rogers' Rangers 2
Russell, Lillian 1
Rustum 1
Ryan, Paddy 1
Samson 2
Sandow, Eugen 1
Sayers, Tom 1
Schleyer, Johann 1
Serra, Junipero 1
Siegfried 1
Silver, Long John 2
Skunk, Jimmy 1
Socrates 1
Solomon 1
Stanley, Henry 1
Steinmetz, Charles 1
Sullivan, John L. 2
Tecumseh 1
Tell, William 1
Thalfi 1
Thor 3
Thumb, Tom 1
Thurston, Howard 1
Tiglath IV 1
Tuck, Friar 1
Tut-ankh-amen 1
Twain, Mark 1
Ulysses 1
Uncas 1
Vercingetorix 1
Villa, Pancho 1
Villon, Francois 1
Vulcan 1
Washington, George 3
Watson, John H 1
Webster, Daniel 2
Xanthippe 1
Zbyzko, Stanislaus 1

NEXT--Mmm, floating sandwiches!!

From Hit Comics #52 (1948)

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Superman's Short-Lived Stand-Up Career!!

Vile gangsters have hired the Prankster to get Superman out of the way!

His plan? Public humiliation!

When a call goes out that a man is trapped in a bank vault...



Even Lois gets in on the laughter!

And when the mayor of Metropolis decides to honor Kal-El with an official portrait...




Well, not that funny, really.

But everyone mocks Superman now...even the Daily Planet!!

And Superman is not going to take it!!


Uh...Lois? Your byline was on that story we just saw!! You were fanning the flames ridicule!! You don't get to play Ms. Self-Righteous here!!

Now, I know what you're thinking--this is just some plot by Superman to draw out the Prankster, right?

Nope. That would have been a Silver Age story, and we're still in the Golden Age here! Superman really did have a pine cone up his butt over being mocked!

Well, Superman has always been a bit prickly when it comes to public humiliation. This wasn't the first time the Prankster would get his goat, and it certainly would me the last time.

But as you saw, Superman (finally) figured out is was the Prankster. And now he has a plan, as soon...


Prepare to meet--Professor Hi Laryus!!



Um...

Wow, people paid to see this??

Well, it was enough to draw Prankster's ire...



Those were actual stories!!

And finally, Prankster confesses to the "crimes"...

...which causes the crooks to try and shut him up...

And Superman saves him and arrests everyone.

I'm not sure why...what crimes were actually committed? I suppose you could do filing a false police report about the man in the vault. Maybe assault for the pie in the face? Defacing public property for the portrait? It's not like any of that is going to get you a significant stretch in Attica. Why worry about "silencing" Prankster? Now you're guilty of attempted murder, dummies!!!

Anyway, I hope someone in the audience had a camera, and Superman's short-live stand-up is now immortalized in the DC Universe's version of Youtube.

From Action Comics #95 (1946)