Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Best Cover You've Never Seen--Teen-Age Temptations #2 (1953)

Sadly, no story resembling this cover actually appears in the issue...

Drawn and inked by Matt Baker

The Exciting And Glamorous Life of A Carnival Come-On Girl!!

Once again, high school guidance counselors completely failed to tell me about a lucrative and exciting field of employment:

You see, after graduation, Ginny was hanging around a traveling carnival...



Man, I always wanted to feel a part of "an exciting carny clan"!!

TEN BUCKS!?!?! Dude, I so want that job!

Ginny, do you really understand glamor and excitement?

Well, I guess you do! Sleeping until noon every day?!? Wonderful, giddy evenings?!?! No wonder you're blowing this one-horse town, Ginny!!

Of course, it turned out Thorne was running a crooked game, and Ginny got arrested, and ended up in love with boring old Tom...but we can't let tiny details like that dissuade us from our new career choice! I shall be a carnival come-on girl!!

So...um....where can I find a traveling carnival?

From Teen-Age Temptation #2 (1953)

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Great Moments In Controversial Executive Orders!

It's just been revealed to the world that the Hulk is really Dr. Bruce Banner!

And the Hulk has just saved humanity from the Leader's amok Humanoid!!

Don't think that has gone unnoticed in the corridors of power!!


Unfortunately, a well-hidden Boomerang (!) is secretly trying to set the Hulk off on a rampage (so he can defeat him and become lauded as a hero himself, because stupid):


So, the Hulk wigs out, and takes off, just as...





Dude!! A signed executive order from LBJ?!? You could have sold that for a bundle on EBay!!

And in a few decades, you could just carefully add "RED" in there a couple of times, and use the order to give yourself amnesty!!

Methinks that allowing Thunderbolt Ross to decide whether or not the Hulk gets amnesty might not have been the wisest decision of Johnson's presidency...

From Tales To Astonish #88 (1967)

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Green Arrow's Most Useful Trick Arrow!!

Roy and Ollie are lounging around watching TV...


And this gives us an excuse for a Silver-Age Kirby-drawn-and-plotted version of Green Arrow's origin!

Also, it gives us an excuse for some shirtless Oliver Queen, which seems to be required for marketing purposes these days...


Anyway, the crucial problem with people poking their nose around "Starfish Island" is this:

OK, here's one lesson for aspiring crime-fighters--DON'T LEAVE A DIARY CARVED IN STONE REVEALING YOUR SECRET IDENTITY. Just a thought...

So how can they stop these pesky explorers from, well, exploring?

And so, presenting the single most important arrow in Green Arrow's quiver:

The Fake-Uranium Arrow!! Of use in sooo many situations...


Ha ha--let's screw up scientific investigation, just to protect your secret identity!!

So, how long until they use that arrow on the TV show?!? Guys? Hello?

From Adventure Comics #256 (1959), as reprinted in World's Finest Comics #187 (1969)

Monday, December 15, 2014

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Anti-TV Snobbery Started In Western Comics!!

Believe it or not, this strip is from 1937--and they're already ripping on television!!






Wow!! It didn't take much to convince cowboys that television is a vast wasteland, did it?!?!

And in 1937!!!!

Just imagine what they would have thought of the internet!!

From Star Ranger #2 (1937)

Manic Monday Bonus--Secret Renditions Started In Western Comics!!

So, the Lemonade Kid...

Wait, I'd better explain. The "Lemonade Kid" was really FBI agent Tex Mason, and he operated in the 1950s. But he worked as a ranch hand, so he fancied himself as a cowboy, so he adopted this secret identity to fight outre crooks. Yes, he wore a green and yellow cowboy outfit.

Yes, I love comics.

Anyway, The Lemonade Kid is pursuing a group using underground tunnels to smuggles diamonds into the U.S. from Mexico, and he follows them south of the border...





But...


Hahahaha!!!!! Who cares about pesky international law?!? I bet Dick Cheney read this comic!!

The CIA is taking notes on Bobby Benson's B-Bar-B Riders #10 (1951)

Manic Monday--Iron Man Really Began In Western Comics!!

I'm pretty sure that Tony Stark read this comic as a youth:

And since the subtitle clearly tells us that these are "real stories from the plains," well, I think you should immediately go to your teachers and complain about them not teaching this history!!

And, yeah, the premise really is that simple: a buncha thugs just strap on some iron armor and rob stuff...




And their reign of terror continues unabated (mainly because no one can figure out to shoot them in the arms or legs):


Well, eventually they will get their comeuppance...


...and finally, someone figures out...

SHOOT THEM IN THE LEGS!!!

And like Tony Stark, these guys get mighty whiny when beaten:

And..

Someone had better warn the Superior Iron Man about that...

From Dead-Eye Western Comics #11 (1951)