Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Your Tax Dollars At Work--Sprocket Man!!

America needs a new kind of hero:

Yes, Sprocket Man!!

And who is the genius behind this new protector of bicycles?


Sprocket man has come to protect us from ANARCHY!

And, well, also to protect cyclists from a disturbing number of threats!!

And, apparently, cyclists have to be taught how to make a left turn...

And whatever you do...

...don't make Sprocket Man facepalm!!

Also, life is pretty freaky in the big city:


And for training?
OK, I don't think hat's ever going to happen...

By the way, you've been riding your bike wrong all these years!

Plus. your bike is in "sad shape"!!

Take a bow, Sprocket Man!!
Sprocket Man is from 1981

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

The Rich Are Different!

Just another day in the city...

He's got a point...

Don't be too mad at the guy--it turns out this was just a dream.

Still, he might want to look into openings in the Trump administration...

From All-Star Comics #15 (1943)

The Spectre's Handwriting?!?

One of the reasons that I'm prohibited from writing comic books is that I obsess over the stupidest things. For example...

The members of the Justice Society are all tied up on individual missions, so they won't be able to make their monthly JSA meeting. [SPOILER ALERT: it turns out to all be part of the work of the same villain--Brainwave, in his first appearance!] So they've all sent letters to the Society's secretary, Wonder Woman, explaining why they won't be there. [SPOILER ALERT--before we get all huffy over the "secretary" business, you should note that by reading these letters, Diana was able to deduce that it was all the same case, and where the villain was hiding out. So points there. Then again, all she managed to do with that information is get herself (and all of the JSA's girlfriends) captured. So I guess you can get chuffed.]

Also, letters? I mean, obviously no email or texting...and I guess long-distance telephoning was still so expensive/unreliable. But why not send telegrams?

Anyway, here's some samples from some of their letters. Hawkman:

Dr. Midnight:

Johnny Thunder:

The Atom:


Doctor Fate:

And, of course, the Spectre:

Wait wait wait.

Why is the Spectre's letter the only one not written in cursive?

I know, I know, it's a stupid detail. Really, who cares?

But it tasks me!!

Is it because he's dead? Can people from the afterlife not write in cursive? Did Jim Corrigan fail penmanship in school? what is the reason, I HAVE to know!!!!

Most likely, of course, it's that whoever lettered that story didn't feel comfortable doing cursive, or misread Gardner Fox's instruction in the script, or just one of the random bits of discontinuity that occurred in the Golden Age.

But c'mon, man!! It's so glaring!! Why??? WHY?!?!?!?!

And that's why I'm not allowed to write comics--because I'd insist on coming up with an in-story reason for something ridiculously trivial detail from a 73 year old comic book, and end up writing a 12-part arc explaining that, just as Etrigan can be a "rhymer," so too does Heaven have ranks that determined modes of communication, and at this point the Spectre was a "Printer, and Brainwave later tricks him into writing something in cursive, which disrupts the order of the heavenly host so Per Degaton can...

Seriously, it is for the good of all of us that I'm not allowed to write comics.

From All-Star Comics #15 (1943)

Monday, December 5, 2016

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Where Have You Gone, Henry McCoy?!?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again...

I miss this Hank McCoy.

From Avengers #151 (1976)

Manic Monday Bonus--The JSA Invented Cosplay!!

All of the male members of the Justice Society are absent for their monthly meeting!!

It seems they're all investigating important cases (that all turn out to be the same case after all, because Golden Age).

This presents a special situation for Wonder Woman!!

Apparently, Wonder Woman has been doing more than just waiting for this moment...

An odd hobby, to be sure..

Oh, dear...I'm getting strange feelings looking at this...especially sexy Spectre!!

But, this is the Golden Age, and these are women, so...

...they fail miserably (the lack of super-powers no doubt hurt, as well).

But at least they've inspired my dreams for the next few nights (not to mention inspiring comic conventions and "sexy" Halloween costumes for decades to come)!!

From All-Star Comics #15 (1943)

Manic Monday--Thanks For Nothing, Cats!!

A young lady has many questions about cats...

Well, unnamed little girl decides to put Kitty to the test...

So, when our planet is overrun by tiny interdimensional invaders, we can blame the cats for being...scaredy cats!!

From Mysteries Of Unexplored Worlds #8 (1958)

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Because Spelunking Is A Perfectly Acceptable First Date!!

Romance comics have taught me a very important lesson:

It's a woman's job to adapt herself to a man's needs, not vice versa!

For example...

Yes, if a man gropes you without permission, it's 100% because you didn't develop a completely individualized script for your interactions with him, even if you've never been out with him before!! And you should know how he's going to take every single line that you utter!! You'd better have flowcharts for alternate conversational paths ready!!

Also, you should dress how the man likes to you to--a man will never change his dress for you!! AND YOU MUST KNOW THIS IN ADVANCE!!

Honey, you're better off without conservative Clyde...then again, "sporty" Stuart wears a tie while out for a walk...?

But we cannot stress enough--if you use the same sentence with more than one man...

He will go off to have a three-way with the trashy campus blonde!!

But perhaps our most important lesson?

If a guy invites you to go spelunking, YOU WILL DAMN WELL GO SPELUNKING...unless you want to be an old maid!!

So remember, ladies...

If you adapt yourself chameleon-like to your man, he might realize that he loves you for what you pretend to be!!

From Lovelorn #10 (1951)