Showing posts with label Ares. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ares. Show all posts

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Avengerspalooza #2--Many Heroes???

For this and all posts today, SPOILER ALERT for Siege and the 95 Avengers titles released Wednesday...SPOILERS start after the Avengers logo...



From the recap page in New Avengers Finale #1, describing the events of The Siege:

"Many heroes lost their lives?" "Many heroes?"

Pray tell, who??

Ares?? He was willingly a member of the Dark Avengers, willing to kill any hero Osborn pointed him at. He rebelled against Osborn not because Storming Norman was a bad guy, but because Norman tricked him into attacking Asgard. Hero? Hardly.

Loki?? As if. He deliberately precipitated all of these events. Even if you buy that he repented (and that completely contradicts what we were told in the Siege: Loki one-shot), he's hardly a hero. Any deaths that occurred, he's ultimately responsible for.

Sentry?!? The mad attack dog who blindly followed Norman, and killed Ares and Loki and brought down Asgard? If they were amongst the "many heroes" who died, Sentry obviously can't be. He was no Hal Jordan/Parallax, saving the Earth with a grand sacrifice. He smashed up everything, and died.

Who else died during Siege? Despite the grisly death of Ares, it was a relatively bloodless affair. Heck, that was one of the stories weaknesses--no one was ever in serious jeopardy, and the heroes barely worked up a sweat. No one had skin in the game, as it were.

I know, I know, the recap page was probably written by some intern. But it really annoys me to see Marvel try and puff up the importance of this story by pretending there was some great sacrifice or such. Many heroes? Hell, more heroes died in the Titans: Villains For Hire one-shot this week. Hey, Marvel--if you don't have the wherewithal to actually kill your heroes, don't try to claim the street cred, OK?

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Foxes Guarding The Henhouse

Marvel says:

Marvel Comics is proud to announce The Heroic Age, the dawn of an exciting new era of heroism in the Marvel Universe! Beginning in May 2010 with the release of AVENGERS #1, The Heroic Age ushers in a brighter Marvel Universe and a bold new era for the world's greatest super heroes as they emerge from darkness with a renewed sense of hope and optimism...

[Joe Quesada said] "...the Marvel Universe is going to be a more optimistic place than we've seen in a quite awhile."


Ladies and gentlemen, the same talent that will be bringing you an exciting new era of heroism presents:

That's Daken, being reduced to pork rinds by Thor's lightning bolts. Because that's apparently the only way Thor could take down someone like Daken...the Heroic Age requires relatively harmless annoyances be taken down as violently and painfully and graphically as possible, I suppose. But they were heroic and brighter lightning bolts!!

Monsieurs and madames, the very same creators who will be bringing you a renewed sense of hope and optimism present:

See, Ares was ripped to shreds hopefully, and optimistically!!

Man, am I confident that these cats can create a Heroic Age, brighter and more hopeful. Yup, not a doubt in the world.

Of course, these are the same guys who made it "darker" in the first place. Funny how the press releases don't mention that, eh? It's as if the Marvel Universe became dark all by itself, while Bendis et. al. just sat around and watched.

Hey, Quesada, "the Marvel Universe is going to be a more optimistic place than we've seen in a quite awhile?" That's not setting the bar very high...because under your watch, the Marvel Universe has become the least optimistic place ever. You could print blank pages and it would be more optimistic.

Than again, this is coming from the moron who thought having Spider-Man sell his soul to Satan was a good idea and somehow improved the character. So obviously his sense of "heroic" might be a tad askew.

Once more, with feeling:

Brighter, shinier Marvel Universe. From these guys. Good luck with that.


Saturday, December 26, 2009

Dare You To Say This At Your Next Family Dinner

A phrase uttered often after our Christmas feast:

Oh, don't worry, we didn't mean the part about the horses...

From Dork Avengers: Ares #3


Saturday, November 28, 2009

Why Kieron Gillen Should Immediately Be Made Writer On Doctor Strange. NOW!!

Ares, when one of his soldiers is complaining that some Olympian magical doings "don't make sense":


"It needs to make more than sense."

"Magic is naught but symbolism, weaponized."

Man, that is brilliant. Seriously. Plus, it happened while they're fighting zombie Hydra agents.

Nothing against Rick Remander or Mark Waid, but give Kieron Gillen the Sorceror Supreme to write. Right now.

From Dork Avengers: Ares #2, art by Manuel Garcia and Stephano Gaudiano.


Friday, January 23, 2009

Friday Night Fights--FSHAM Style!!

Hey, sometimes sound effects are great in a fight. And sometimes, when the creators phone it in, they're a tiny bit repetitive. Just a tiny bit.

Case in point--the "Mighty" Avengers are facing the terror of Ultron, who is controlling dozens of Iron Man's spare/old suits of armor:

Hmmm, are you getting the idea that Tony Stark's security is somehow completely underwhelming?!?Well, this is going to be difficult. And what creative tactics does Ultron use?

Guess she should have shut her cow-mouth...OK, the repulsor ray barrage is cute, and FSHAM is nice. What else you got, Ultron?

More of the sameHmmm....anything else??

Emphasis through repetition is a valid literary tool...
Rinse, lather, repeatO...K...that's a whole lotta FSHAM, isn't it??

But Ares is pretty pissed off...

Just for the record...why, exactly, is Ares in the Avengers?!?Surely, he can overcome the constant FSHAM, can't he?

God in need of a good body waxingUh, not so much.

Time for a change in tactics:

I know the armor's controlled by Ultron, but should it really be so easy to chop Iron Man in half?!?Ah, here we go...surely a jet boot won't make the same sound effect as a repulsor ray, right?

Why bother to come up with a new sound effect, when the old one works so well??Sigh...

You know, Spacebooger could have come up with a few more sound effects--in his sleep!!!

Bendis, Cho, and "Artmonkeys' Dave Lanphear" get extremely lazy with their sound effects in Mighty Avengers #4 (2007).