Bold Fashion Choices--The New, New, New, New, NEW Captain Marvel!!

I've seen some bad costume designs in my day. But the new costume for Noh-Varr, the new Captain Marvel*, as debuted in Dork Avengers Annual #1, is extra-special bad, I think:

No, this isn't some Sin City-style black and white & red comic. This is seriously what Marvel has the new Captain Marvel wearing. Let's take another look:

Man, as bad as Mar-Vell's original costume was, at least that had some color in it (albeit an icky green). But this? Maybe Marvel's running low on colored ink?

I'm not sure who designed this costume...Bendis wrote the issue, Chris Bachalo penciled it, Tim Townsend "with Jaime Medoza and Al Vey" inked it, and Antonio Fabela & Bachalo colored it. But no one takes credit for the new, hideous costume. No big surprise there...

*Noh-Varr is never referred to as Captain Marvel in the actual story. But in the issue's text piece**, Bendis continually refers to him as Captain Marvel...so Noh-Varr becomes the 5th person to use that name in Marvel history, and the third within the past 5 years. Got to maintain that damned trademark, after all...

**By the way, thank you, Marvel. The "text piece" in the issue is a verbatim reprint of a 4-month old interview with Bendis on CBR that anyone could read for free on-line. Thanks, Marvel--that "added value" really justifies the $4.99 price point...

A Promise Or A Threat?

During his recent Twitterfest, Bendis declared that the post-Siege Avengers and their lineup will see "the biggest change in over a decade."

Really?

Obviously, the limitations of Twitter sometimes make precision of statements difficult, and doubtless there's some amount of hyperbole involved here. So we shouldn't be too picky in evaluating Bendis' declaration.

But the biggest change in over a decade??

Marvel has said that the Big Three (Thor, Iron Man, and Captain America) will be together during the Siege, and has been dropping many hints that they will stay together in whatever the post-Siege incarnation of the Avengers might be.

Well, that would hardly be the "biggest change in over a decade", since the three were together as Avengers as recently in 2003. So bringing them back together wouldn't really be the biggest change in a decade...unless they're all coming back in drag or something.

Let's see, what else has happened in the last decade?

The United Nations put the Avengers in charge of the entire world...

One of their own members went crazy and killed several Avengers (although some of those got better), and the entire team dissolved...

Three separate and competing teams of Avengers formed, including one formed entirely of villains...and that's not even discussing the Young Avengers, or the Initiative...

One of the Avengers (who was on two different teams!!) turned out to be the Skrull Queen...

Many, many (MANY!!) "non-traditional" Avengers have joined the teams, including Spider-Man, Wolverine, Luke Cage, Doctor Strange, Iron Fist, Spider-Woman, the Sentry, Ronin...(not to mention Bullseye, Venom, Norman Osborn, etc from the Dork Avengers)...

So what, exactly, could be done to result in "the biggest change in over a decade?"

A restoration of the Big Three wouldn't come anywhere near that, either in terms of "over a decade" or "biggest change." And given the eclectic mix of characters Bendis has brought in over the last 4 years, it's hard to think whom could be brought on that would justify the "biggest change" description. He'd have to work pretty hard to come up with an odder line-up than this one, anyway.

Maybe he's reviving the West Coast Avengers??

Anyway, you're on the clock now, Bendis--you've made one hell of a big promise, and set the bar pretty high for yourself. Here at Slay Monstrobot we'll be watching to make sure you really do give us the biggest change in a decade. So this had better be bigger than the Avengers becoming the de facto world government and a sovereign entity, bigger than the dissolution of the entire team, bigger than the death of several long-time Avengers, bigger than one of the team being an alien traitor, and bigger than filling 2 of the 3 teams with people who have never been Avengers before.

Good luck...

Civics Lesson

From this week's Dork Avengers #10:


Uhh...

A) There's this little thing called separation of powers, and it would be a congressional committee that controls funding. Unless, of course, Norman Osborn has disbanded congress or something.

B) Even if some executive department "committee" controlled the funding for paramilitary organizations like H.A.M.M.E.R., you wouldn't think the secretary of state would be the one to control it...much more likely to be the defense secretary or the director of NSA, right? H.A.M.M.E.R. is hardly a diplomatic agency...

C) If, as Spider-Man tells us, Obama is president, than shouldn't the secretary of state be a "she," and not a "he?" Or is Obama not actually canon? Or did the Earth-616 Obama choose someone else?

Of course, knowing the Marvel universe these days, Phillip Masters or the Purple Man or the Ringmaster is secretary of state these days, and Osborn means it very literally when he says he "controls" the committee...Hey, in a world where the Red Skull can become U.S. defense secretary (Dell Rusk...grrrr), or Tony Stark, I guess anything is possible.

Dork Avengers

Questions, I have questions...

A) Man, if Bendis really wanted to write Thunderbolts stories that badly, why the hell not just write Thunderbolts? Why drag Norman Osborn et al into a whole new and unnecessary Avengers book???

B) Why the elaborate charade?

Remember, the premise is, the public saw Osborn being a hero against the Skrulls, and the public clamor caused the president to put him in charge of H.A.M.M.E.R. and the Avengers.

Well, the rest of the Thunderbolts team was there too, right? Moonstone was there, Bullseye was there, Venom was there. They fought and killed Skrulls live on TV. Wouldn't they then be regarded as heroes, just as much as Osborn?

So why the pretend game? Why pretend Moonstone is Ms. Marvel, or Bullseye is Hawkeye, or Venom is Spider-Man? Why would the public accept Osborn as the Iron Patriot, but not the rest of his team??

C) Spider-Man.

Let's check in with Peter Parker, and see what's up in his life.



Oh, right. He's wanted for suspicion of being the "Spider Tracer" serial killer. The police are shooting to kill on sight. The general public believes he's a killer, and is frightened to death of him.

Hmmm.

So having Venom disguise himself as a perceived serial killer is an advantage how??

Yet, in the very same city, here's the press and the public, wildly cheering for the man identified as Spider-Man.

So, the police and the people and the papers (especially the DB!!) have magically forgotten their vendetta against Spidey why?

Or has Osborn somehow pardoned Spider-Man, and the message just hasn't gotten through to the NYPD yet?? So instead of tweaking Spider-Man, he's actually doing him a favor?? And we can expect to Peter Parker receive some of this love in his own mag??

Or, more likely, is it that Bendis just doesn't give a damn what's going on in anybody else's books? That he can't be bothered to have his charade make sense because, dammit, he wants Venom to be an Avenger, and the storyline in Amazing Spider-Man can just go frell itself?!?

D) Ares and the Sentry?!?!?

Look, Bendis clearly has some deep liking for these characters, as they're the only ones he kept around from Mighty. But in heaven's name, why?!? In the Sentry's stint in New and Mighty Avengers, and Ares' in Mighty, have either one of them done anything even remotely interesting, or even memorable?!? If you like these guys so much, Bendis, why the hell don't you have them actually do something?!?

So what does the first real event of Purple Reign give us? Gussied up Thunderbolts, used in ways that make no sense, and a 7-page preview of Secret Warriors that had ALREADY been run in the Dark Reign: New Nation special. There's $3.99 well spent.

I guess it really is a dark reign...

Clips from Amazing Spider-Man 584 and Dork Avengers #1

The Surprise Ending to Secret Invasion--Revealed

OK, I'm serious this time. Unlike my goof on the "true" secret ending of Batman R.I.P., I think that I've really tumbled onto the actual ending of Marvel's interminable Skrullapalooza.

Yesterday at the Diamond/Alliance Retailer Summit in Las Vegas (why does everyone have a better life than I do??), Bendis unveiled the next Marvel line-wide blockbuster, "Dark Reign." His description:

"The Initiative was kind of like the Cold War," the SECRET INVASION scribe explains, comparing this new push to Initiative branding that followed 2006's Civil War. "There's a war, and then there's a cold war. This was an invasion, and from the invasion, certain people take the hit, certain people rise up as the heroes who you wouldn't expect, and from that comes a new power status in the Marvel Universe that some would consider a dark reign and some would consider heaven. One man's dark reign is another man's 'Finally!'"

So, aside from new books (like Dark Avengers....sigh), what could this mean??

Well, I think maybe Marvel may have let the cat slip out of the bag. Maybe. Check out the November solicit for New Warriors #18:

The future isn’t so bright. Not when Iron Man has taken the Superhuman Registration Act to new heights and imposed his rule over a good chunk of the free world. Super heroes have been outlawed and any hope of resistance has been crushed. And while the New Warriors try to escape this world gone wrong, Night Thrasher takes it upon himself to be the one who just might set things right...

Now, the phrasing could be interpreted to make it sound like the Warriors are doing a Days of Future Past bit, visiting an alternate future. But with this latest news about Dark Reign, I'm not so sure.

What if that New Warrior's story isn't an alternate future, but really the end result of Skrullapalooza? Iron Man decides more power is the best way to prevent Skrull shenanigans, and takes over, completing his transition to Fascist Man? Outlaw superheros, so Skrulls can't pose as them...use S.H.I.E.L.D. and Extremis to extend his power over "a good chunk of the free world?"

That would certainly result in shake-ups of the Avengers teams, including requiring some to be "Dark Avengers." It would certainly be a "new power status in the Marvel Universe that some would consider a dark reign and some would consider heaven."

Wow. If I'm right...if that's the end result of the not-so-Secret Invasion...color me impressed...maybe.