The Secret Two-Face Conspiracy!!

There's a conspiracy going on in the DC Universe, and it's been right in front of our faces--well, half of our faces---for 75 years.

 Let's travel back to the very first appearance of Two-Face, in Detective Comics #66 (1942):

Yes, initially he was named Harvey Kent, not Dent. Yes, I've already done a post making him Superman's secret half-brother. But that's not the conspiracy here.

No, we need to go to the trial of Boss Moroni, where Batman is testifying against the gang leader...

Look at that panel very carefully. We'll come back to it in a minute...

By the way, I'm pretty sure that throwing acid at the prosecutor will in no way help you beat the rap.

Anyway...

"Vitriol" is olde-tyme talk for sulfuric acid.

Then we get a scene completely and totally ripping Tim Burton's Batman...

Surely they can fix it?

The only doctor who can do it is in a German concentration camp?  Well, that happens.

Finally, the big reveal:

WAIT WAIT WAIT.

One more time:

Harvey is very clearly hit ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF HIS FACE with the acid...

 ...BUT IT'S THE LEFT SIDE THAT ENDS UP SCARRED!!!

What. The. Hell.

Sure, it'd be easy (and no doubt correct) to write this off as a simple error, at a time when comics were rushed out as quickly as possible with little time for actual editing. And all later retellings have been careful to show the acid hitting his left side:

BUT THAT'S THE CONSPIRACY!!! It a monumental cover-up!!

So what could it really mean?

1) Maybe some of the acid actually splashed over to the other side of his face?

NO. The doctor in the courtroom is very clear. "It only struck one side of his face."

2) It's Earth-Two, so chill.

NO. Well, yes, the WWII reference and the "Harvey Kent" make it pretty clear this is Earth-2 (as was confirmed in a Mr. & Mrs. Superman story (!)).

But even so...the laws of physics aren't that different on Earth-2. If you're hit with acid on the right side of your face, you don't scar on the left side.

3) Harvey is an alien.

YES. Maybe he was a Skrull/Durlan type, and yes, he was hit in the right side of his face--which is why that side is now paralyzed, locked in faux human form. The left, "evil" side is actually his true alien visage. Doomed to never be able to fully revert to his true appearance, poor Harvey went mad, believing himself truly a human, and inventing ridiculous backstories of abuse to justify his fractured psyche.

So why was a shape-shifting alien posing as a Gotham City prosecutor back in the day? Why was Two-Face never in the Batman '66 show? Why show the correct and true acid splashing the first time, and then cover it up by "correcting" it each time they trot out Harvey's origin?

Because DC is covering up the massive 1940s alien invasion of Earth. And we'll never know the full story...because DC today is clearly run by aliens.

How else would you explain having Darkseid join the Justice League?

Who Is The Better Kisser--Bruce Wayne or Clark Kent?!?

Hey, friends are throwing an anniversary party for Earth-2 Lois and Clark!

Ummm...wait a minute. How can Clark Kent and Superman both be there?

Oh, yeah, Bruce Wayne is probably posing as one of them.

BUT WAIT ANOTHER MINUTE!! Batman's there too?!?!

Remember, this is Earth-2, where Kal-L was never able to successfully create Superman robots for such occasions!

Well, there's one sure way to tell who is who!

OK, Lois, you're getting a little to into that...Lois? Lois!?!?!?!

"Make-up"?!?! He was wearing a full face mask!! You couldn't tell you were kissing a guy wearing a rubber mask??

But who is Batman, then?!?!

Dick is probably thinking "No kiss for me, Lois?"

So, anyway, despite their reputations, Clark Kent is a better kiss than Bruce Wayne. Which explains why Bruce can never keep a steady girlfriend...

From Superman Family #216 (1982)

Manic Monday--Smallville--Tourist Trap!!

Last week we were discussing some of the difference between Earth-1 and Earth-2.

In that story, set on 1950s Earth-2, Clark Kent and Lana Lang met for the first time--as adults!!

How is that possible?

Oh?

You see...

Well, that makes sense, doesn't it? On Earth-1, once Superboy debuted (and probably once tales of Superbaby began to spread), Smallville no doubt became a tourist destination, a regular spot for the media to visit, a vacation spot for aliens time traveling teenagers and super-villains and...Of course the small town would boom--boom enough to make it feasible for farmers to give up their farm and open up a general store.

However, Lana's story doesn't make sense. Professor Lang of Earth-2 moved to Smallville before Lana was born. But on Earth-1, Lana and Clark were roughly the same age, and any Superboy related boom wouldn't have begun until years after Lana was born. So Smallville-1 would have still been "such a little town" at the same point in Professor Lang's life!! Why did Lang-2 leave Smallville while Lang-1 stayed?!?!?

I like to think that the Professor Lang of Earth-2 killed a man in Smallville--just to watch him die--and left before the law caught up with him...

From Superman Family #203 (1980)

Lana Lang Invents The Internet Comment Forum!!

On Earth-2, Lana Lang has come to The Daily Star looking for a job as...

[Reminder--the Mr & Mrs. Superman series was set in the 1950s...]

Well, that's innovative!

And so...

Gee, I dunno...it still seems better than The Big Bang Theory.

But it's enough for Lana to bring out the poison pen:

Oh, Lana...

So of course, the writer tries to kill Lana with a device he bought from Luthor.

Hey, being a critic can be a tough job in a universe with super-villains!!

From Superman Family #203 (1980)

Manic Monday--Jay Garrick's Woodstock!

It's 1970 on Earth-2, and Jay Garrick is still fighting crime...but he's not as fast as he used to be...

He can still take down the Turtle and his goons...but he has to huff and puff a little bit...

Yes, Jay, you're getting old...

Geez, don't let Geoff Johns see you with gray temples, Jay, or he'll decide that you're possessed by the sentient color aquamarine or something...

But there is one surefire cure from feeling old:

See, on Earth-2 is was called Stockwood! What a wacky alternate reality!

So they travel to Woodstock Stockwood...but traffic is a bear:

So Jay cheats a little bit...

Some of the youngsters aren't too thrilled about old folks harshing their mellow:

But most of the crowd really digs the older generation trying to groove with them!

And when the Fiddler crashes the festival to perform and steal everyone's money (because of course he does), Jay seals his relationship with the younger generation!

Groovy indeed, Earth-2 hippies. Groovy indeed!

From Flash #201 (1970)

An Unwelcome Reminder: DC Hates Everything You Ever loved

Hey, you all remember Hour-Man, one of the earliest super-heroes, created 75 years ago this year, right?

And you remember how his son took up that mantle, becoming Hourman?

And you remember how that heroic legacy lived on, inspiring heroes for centuries to come?

Well, in case you had forgotten, this is the week that DC decided to shit all over that legacy:

DC: We hate our own characters so much, that we will continue to cover them with feces and turn them into your worst nightmares.

This is why it's a good thing that DC hasn't revived Johnny Thunder, no matter what I said yesterday. Because the nu52 Johnny Thunder would no doubt be juggling dead babies while violating nuns on the cover...

Hasn't DC Run Out Of Heroes To Ruin Yet?

This solicit appeared yesterday:

 EARTH 2: SOCIETY #6
Written by DANIEL H. WILSON
Art and cover by JORGE JIMENEZ
On sale NOVEMBER 11 • 32 pg, FC, $2.99 US • RATED T
The heroes of Earth-2 grow closer to discovering the real dangers that lurk in their new world as the murderous Hourman is revealed.

 What did that say again?

"...as the murderous Hourman is revealed."

Oh, now, that's just silly. A murderous Hourman?!? That could never...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just when you thought DC had run out of characters they could break, they find another Golden Age icon to piss all over. Please, DC, turn some more of those WWII heroes you own into psychopaths and super-villains!!

Sorry if that traumatized you. Here's Hour-Man in happier days...

Bold Fashion Choices--Flying Tiger And Kitty!!

There's trouble afoot in Metropolis...well, in a Metropolis:

So you're a power couple who can't go on a mission as yourselves--what do you do?

Kitty? Cub?!?

And so, pretending to have invented an anti-gravity device, Flying Tiger soars into action, ingratiating himself some of the criminal elemnent:

No, he really doesn't resemble a WWII airplane. Must be an Earth-2 thing...

Regardless, the plan works, and Clark & Lois get taken to Mr. Big:

Whatever you may think of Flying Tiger, Slay Monstrobot heartily approves of Lois Lane in jodhpurs. Very heartily...

From Superman Family #218 (1982)