When You Can't Afford A Name-Brand Jungle Hero!!

Do you need a jungle hero, but can't afford Ka-Zar?

Try Lo-Zar, the discount Ka-Zar!!

Lo-Zar, now gluten-free, and less filling!

Lo-Zar, for all of your generic jungle needs!!

Lo-Zar: not the pulp Ka-Zar, not the modern Ka-Zar--but an incredible simulation!

Lo-Zar: because every company needs their white Lord Of The Jungle!

Those images are from the covers Timely's Jungle Action #1-6 (1954-1955). Those were Lo-Zar's only appearances. Some of his stories were reprinted in the 70s, and they renamed him Tharn in those reprints, presumably to avoid his being confused with Kevin Plunder.

He never had a real name, or an actual origin. He was just your typical white jungle god.

If we ever get Agents Of Atlas back, maybe Marvel could include him on the team, or at least as a guest star...

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--This One's For The Ladies!!

Ka-Zar has come to visit his old friend Tony Stark, because hey, Marvel Universe.

Unfortunately, the Fixer has shown up, trying to steal the secrets of Iron Man's armor. And he's captured Ka-Zar, so now Tony has no choice:

All right, cue your favorite striptease music:

Woo hoo!

Fortunately for his modesty, Tony has one trick left up his...up his...well, up his something!

Clever.

But after some running around, well, the final victory goes to the real Thunder From (Way) Down Under:

I hope this meets the FDA's minimum daily requirement of beefcake for you...

From Iron Man # 202 (1986)

Friday Night Fights--Fake Tarzan Style!!

As you no doubt know, Slay Monstrobot is the #1 result in a Google search for "man-on-animal action." And we are justly proud of that honor.

But that honor also entails great responsibility, as we must keep presenting that man-on-animal action, in order to justify our lofty position.

Hence, tonight's Friday Night Fights.

We start right away, as Zabu is attacked  by a crazed ape:

Now that's what I call man-on-animal action!!

Spacebooger wonder why there has never been a Ka-Zar/Shang-Chi team-up. I mean, come on!!

A fight to the death twixt man and beast is hideously overwritten by Gerry Conway (plot) and Doug Moench (script), John Buscema and Fred Kida in Ka-Zar #10 (1975)

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why?? Man-on-animal action, sir--man-on-animal action!! Now go and vote!!

My Offence Is Rank

So, IGN is running a feature on the "Top 100 Comic Book Heroes," gradually unveiling them through the week (as of this writing, they unveiled #61-100).

Now, I try not to get too bent out of shape of this kind of thing, because a) it's a free country b) any such list is inherently, ridiculously arbitrary and meaningless, so I know any list I produce would be just as questionable c) any list by committee, as this one, is going to produce even more arbitrary and more ridiculous result, and d) it's not going to effect anything, so who cares, really?

Still, I have to note something about this list. The criteria IGN editors used to compare apples to oranges? The heroes are "picked by their cultural impact, character development, social relevance, general cool factor, and importance of storylines."

I would just like to point out that, somehow, those criteria produce a list on which Supergirl (#94) is TEN places behind Ka-Zar (Ka-Zar?!!?!?), whose cool factor and important storylines and cultural impact obviously is far, far ahead of Kara's.

Supergirl is also TWELVE spots behind Ant-Man. Not the Hank Pym Ant-Man; not the Scott Lang Ant-Man. Supergirl is TWELVE spots behind the Eric O'Grady "Irredeemable" Ant-Man. The Hank Pym Ant-Man ranks a mere TWENTY-SEVEN spots ahead of Supergirl.

And Gambit ranks TWELVE spots ahead of Namor.

So, I'm thinking that pretty much says everything you need to know about this list...