Jack Kirby--Furniture Designer!!

There was one very special perk to being an early Fantastic Four villain:

You got the greatest damn chairs ever!!

Almost makes me want to take up evil...

From Fantastic Four #1 (1961) and #5-7 (1962)

Manic Monday Bonus--Why The Mole Man Will Never Be An A-Lister!

Namor has found the Cosmic Cube!! He's going to use it to take over the surface world!!

Oh, don't worry--like most villains back in the day, Namor really had no idea how to properly use the Cube.

Seriously, this is the best he could come up with:

Make a goofy sea beast so you can prove how tough you are by having fisticuffs with Hercules? Oh, Namor, honey, it's a good thing you're handsome...

Indeed, a well-timed sting from the Wasp causes Namor to drop the Cube, and...

Yup, lost down a "bottomless crevice". No chance anyone at all could ever find it...

Oh...dear...

You may be the first Marvel villain, Mole Man...but you'll always be the dumbest.

From Avengers #40 (1967)

What If The Mole Man Had Been Created Just A Few Years Earlier?

We all know our old buddy/1st villain of the Marvel Age, the Mole Man, right?

Well, let's all be grateful that he was created when he was. His status as a societal reject who made good in an underworld kingdom, the sympathetic villain, was a fluke of history, a time when Stan and Jack decided to humanize their characters--including the villains.

Ah, but what would have happened if the Mole Man had debuted just a few short years earlier? Let's watch...

It's one of those doomed archeological expeditions in Peru, and Larry is making time with Pete's woman:

Well, we know this isn't going to end well, don't we?

And when Pete boasts of the murder to Anita...

Man, Anita is a [REDACTED] [REDACTED], isn't she?

Ah, but this is a 1950s horror comic, so Larry is still alive!!

And...

Because SCIENCE!!

Years later, he does find his way out of the caves...but...

Dude, just go conquer a race of subhumanoids and try to take over the world. It's much more satisfying than--

No, Mole Man--NOOOOOOO!!!

Well, thanks to the great coincidence machine in the sky, Pete and Anita are back in Peru for an archeological lecture tour, so...

Anita--you kinda deserved that. And Pete?

Ewwww!!!

Well, now at least Larry will be caught, right?

Ha ha ha---this is pre-Code, baby--the bad guy gets away!!!

So we can see that, thankfully, our Mole Man was created at the perfect sweet spot in comics history. A few years earlier, and he's a neck chewing homicidal maniac.

And if he had been created a few years later??

Than Jim Lee would have designed him...brrr, now that's REALLY horrifying!!

From The Unseen #12 (1953), 90s version from Fantastic Four #1 & #2 (1997)

Marvel 1971 Week--Captain America #136!!

Well, it's Tuesday here Marvel 1971 Week, and nothing says Tuesday quite like Captain America fighting a giant gorilla in an underground empire:

Now, unlike the previous two entries this week, there are no eerie parallels between 1971 and 2011. Nope, this is just a really goofy story about Cap fighting a demented ape. Let's look:

As this pair of titans tumble "down down down...the deepest hole man has ever dug," let's acknowledge our creators:

You know, nobody really seems to remember Gene Colan's run on Cap. I'm guilty of that, too, because the first things that pop into my head are his work on Daredevil, Iron Man (in Tales Of Suspense), and Tomb Of Dracula. His almost 2 year run on Captain America, though, came immediately after Steranko's, so it seems to have been a tiny bit forgotten.

We'll work on remedying that, because Colan's work on Cap rocked pretty hard. And c'mon, the man was the first one to draw the Falcon (and this only one to make that original atrocious green and orange outfit look good). This issue was Colan's penultimate story of this run, and he's really letting his freak flag fly.

And Stan...well, Stan's just really kinda nuts this issue. Let's watch.

That big hole Cap and the ape are falling down? It's "Project Earth Dig." What's that?

OK, one parallel to 2011, as we're still looking for places to store our radioactive waste. Still, digging the deepest hole ever and just dumping crap down it doesn't seem the wisest idea, given what we know of the history of Marvel Earth.

Of course, given that this is the world's deepest hole, EVERYBODY is already mourning Cap:

FACT: Nick Fury has the coolest car ever:

Now we flash back to last issue, explaining that our mysterious giant gorilla is really:

And the lovely Julia? She doesn't agree:

And, of course, the supposedly smart scientist tests the formula on himself without the slightest bit of testing...and:



Well, what does a formerly ugly scientist do when transformed into a giant gorilla? Well, it's pretty obvious: CRIME SPREE!!

Sad fact: last issue, we saw that Gorbo, while in ape form, had the power to telepathically control animals. So, and I'm not making this up, we were treated to several scenes of a giant ape and packs of dogs robbing banks in New York City. Craziness, but sadly that aspect of Gorbo's powers is forgotten this story. Ah, well...

Anyway, because lovely Julia is fascinated by Project Earth Dig, Gorbo decides to go wreak havoc there to impress her (I know, I know, but maybe it made more sense to a gorilla brain). And now we return to present day, as Cap and Gorbo plummet to their deaths...or do they?

Oh, Steve, you will learn what it feels like to die...and it's not this! What is it, then?


Of course it's the Mole Man (and thank heavens it wasn't Tyrannus!) And, as mentioned above, you'd have thought that these big-brained scientists would have thought that maybe one of Marvel's many underground civilizations just might lie beneath Project Earth Dig...what, you can't give Reed Richards a phone call for a consultation??

Still, this gives Gene Colan an excuse for a 2-page recap of Mole Man's origin...which, as you've noticed, has a certain similarity to Garbo's, as the ape himself notes:

Damn, Hooter's has tough standards!!

After the Mole Man's minions manhandle the ape (but only because he's playing possum), Cap explains the reason for his "invasion":

Which doesn't go over too well...

Why should you believe captain America? Because:

Yes, the intervening 40 years proved that mankind was indeed sick of war. Sigh...but Mole Man buys it, and prepares to transport Cap back to the surface.

Unfortunately, Gorbo decides that a war between surface dwellers and subterraneans will pretty much be the perfect revenge upon humanity, so he sets out to queer the deal. First he gets out of his cage...

Yes, the is the second time this month that Stan has used the same gag--a monster reverting to his smaller, human form to escape captivity.

And Gorbo's master plan? Lie like hell, and hope Mole Man believes you because you're ugly.

Damn, what do you know--that actually worked!!

Meanwhile Sam Wilson hasn't given up, and has gone to a familiar face for help:


Remember, this was before Falcon got his flying harness, so he needed help.

But, oh, Tony Stark...WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU JUST PUT ON YOUR ARMOR AND GO DOWN THE HOLE YOURSELF??? Just tell Falcon you're "sending your bodyguard." In what way is sending Falcon, alone and with only enough fuel for a one-way ride, an acceptable plan when you're an Avenger and Captain America's friend????? "Take my car" instead of "follow me, let's go get him!"???? What a douche...

Still, in a nice bit of schadenfreude, in less than 3 years (which is what, 2 weeks Marvel time?), the Black Panther would develop the flying suit Falcon has worn ever since, and is 1000% superior in every way to the jalopy Stark came up with. Some "futurist," Stark!!

Still, for the first time, the Falcon flies!!

Meanwhile, down below, the Moloids and Gorbo The Ape attack Cap!!

The Falcon shows up to help out!!

Shield-slinging!!

Blown back into Mole Man's weapons room, where he's preparing to launch his attack on the surface!!

Uhhh...Gorbo--still human intelligence, right? You wanted a war with the surface world--did you seriously think S.H.I.E.L.D. wouldn't be attacked??

The noble self-sacrifice!!



The moral:

Uhhh...Cap...that wasn't love, it was juvenile obsession characterized by violent crime and attempts to destroy the things the woman loved...

And yes, that ending was very rushed. Maybe they should have ditched the two-page Mole Man origin recap...But still: crazy Captain America story.

ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE:

Cap versus big monkey wasn't the only prize fight this month:

Yeah, it's Doom vs. Cap's arch-enemy, the Red Skull, in a battle to the death. It's kind of funny--the Marvel rule in the 70s seemed to be that whenever heroes met, they fought. You'd have thought that would go double for evil, untrusting, greedy villains. Turf battles, if nothing else. But, Super-Villain Team-Up aside, you never got too much of that (as opposed, of course, to villains teaming up and then betraying each other at the end of the scheme). What does it say about Marvel in the 1970's that villains were better able to cooperate than heroes?

Oh, and Ka-Zar, too...