Saturday, May 31, 2014

Great Moments In Villains You Don't Know Vowing Revenge Against Heroes You Don't Know!!

Well, the post's title pretty much says it all.

So let's get right down to it, shall we?

Well, that's it. Tune in next time...

What? You want to know whom Karg is swearing vengeance on?

Why none other than...

That's a pretty cool cover...

But we'll never know if Karg got his revenge, because this was the one and only issue of G-8 And His Battle Aces.

I guess the world wasn't ready for the adventures of a mysterious unnamed WWI ace pilot/spy who, along with his colorful American comrades, takes out German zeppelins disguised as monster birds.

Which is a shame, because G-8 had a long and distinguished run as a pulp hero, with well over 100 issues/novels in the 30s and 40s. There probably was a lot more that a comic book series could mine from the character (a G-8 pastiche did appear in a couple of issues of Planetary).

Someone (Hello, Dynamite) should revive the franchise. But instead of a WWI era spy, it should feature the leaders of the G8 nations, who in times of crisis merge into a giant robot to fight off alien invasions!!

Which is why I'm not allowed to write comics books...

G-8 And His Battle Aces #1 is from 1966

Friday, May 30, 2014

Friday Night Fights--Give A Hoot Style!!

It's time once again to defend my position as the number one Google result for "man-on-animal action."

Which means that, in this week's Friday Night Fights, we find out what happens when you give your pet performance enhancing drugs.

(Apologies for the presentation, but the damned Omnibus this is from is far too large for my scanner. So this involved some clever camera tricks, which still left the occasional bit of glare and distortion and off color. Sorry)

Hourman and Doctor Mid-Nite are investigating mysterious goings-on at a secret military base, when Rex discovers...

The only name we get for this guy is "Jensen." It turns out the base is a secret Allied research base developing germ warfare to use against the Nazis, and they've come up with some "liquid anthrax." And now Jensen has managed to absorb the power of the WMD.

And how does someone with the power of liquid anthrax fight?


But it is effective:

Fortunately, Rex's super-duper pills seem to protect him from actual infection:

Doctor Mid-Nite, though, has no such he's stuck in a hazmat suit!

Ahh, but there's one more player--Mid-Nite's pet owl, Hootie!!


But wait, gentle reader...

Oh, dear. Exactly what happens when you give a wounded owl half a dose of Miraclo?

This happens:

That had to hurt!!!

Spacebooger is just glad that I refrained from making any Hootie and The Blowfish jokes.

The owls are not what they seem in Smash Comics #1 (1999), as reprinted in JSA Omnibus Volume 1 (2014), by Tom Peyer, Stephen Sadowski, and Michael Bair

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Man, I gave you an owl hopped up on goofballs whooping on a villain!! What more can you want?!? So give a hoot, read a book, and go and vote!!

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Turgid Villain Dialogue Of The Week--Doc Savage Annual 2014!

It's 1930, and Doc Savage is being held prisoner by the mysterious leader of the deadly Sea Spider cult!

He's wondering how Doc tracked them to Mexico, when it was just one of those danged coincidences...

"Ha! Isn't the random spark of chaos dually the fuel and the bane of science?"

Bonus points to anyone who uses that line at work today!!

Particularly turgid villain dialogue from Shannon Eric Denton.

Dustin Hoffman Was Given Terrible Advice In The Graduate!

You remember that famous bit from The Graduate, right?

Well, it turns out that was staggeringly bad advice, as we find out in this week's Star Trek #33, as the away team investigates mysterious finds on one of them there alien worlds:

Give us a zoom in, Cambot:


Star Trek canon has warp drive invented in 2063 (unless the verdammt "red matter" reboot somehow changed that, too).

So plan your investment portfolios accordingly. And don't advise any graduates to invest in plastics, because they'll be completely gone within 50 years...

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

The All-Winners Squad Guide To Child-Care, Chapter I: Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

Let me tell you, young 'uns, child-raising was a bit different back in the day.

Take, for example, the post-WWII nuptials of a certain pair of heroes:

Well, with the Nazis defeated, there weren't that many good jobs around for super-heroes, so...


Well, it turns out that someone was a tiny bit...well, let's allow the caring and sensitive doctor tell us...

Well, that's got to be the worst of it, right?

"Don't ask us how. These things...happen." Really? I don't think that was an approved answer on any med school exam, doc!!

But fortunately, there is a compassionate and humane treatment available:

Yup, lock him in a capsule, bury him, and erect a building over him. Works every time. Or at least 50% of the time. Just don't ask how...these things happen.

Now, that's how you raise a kid--drop 'em in a hole in the ground, and check back in on 'em 25 years later!!

If nothing else, you save a ton on diapers that way...

From Giant-Size Avengers #1 (1974)

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

The Budget Guide To Taking Over The World: Chapter I--Cheap Hypnosis Gas!!

Bobby Drake is visiting a villain, Stuart Clarke (a.k.a. Rampage) in the hospital...


Really? There are chemicals stored in hospital dispensaries that can be used to make a hypnosis gas?!?
Well, at least it's only a temporary hypnosis gas. Still, you think OSHA would have some kind of warnings up...

And, admittedly, it's probably cheaper than making your own hypnosis gas--you can bill the insurance company!!

From Spectacular Spider-Man #18 (1978)

Monday, May 26, 2014

Manic Memorial Day Fourth And Long--The Best Blackhawk Cover You've Never Seen!

Blackhawk #259 (1983), cover by Howard Chaykin

Manic Memorial Day Triple Overtime--That Trick Never Works!

In our shock splash panel of the day...

What? Blackhawk turning commie?? NEVER!!

Well, of course it's a Ruskie ruse:

So "Red Hawk" takes out Blackhawk, and leads the team to be captured. The next goal?

Persuade the Blackhawks to turn red?!? Not bloody likely! And yet...

Well, I'm sold!! I for one welcome our new Soviet masters--and so do the Blackhawks!!

But of course, it turns out that Red Hawk is really Blackhawk in a double fake-out, and the commies are beaten at their own game:

Moral of the story? If you're going to use the "infiltrate the team with a look-a-like" plan, at least come up with a secret password or something so you know who is who...

From Blackhawk #77 (1954)