An Important Caveat

You know, DC dropping the whole bombshell on us yesterday was really unfortunate, for one reason:

Flashpoint, the event, is actually pretty good so far.

There, I said it.

I mean, this week should have been left for the fans to discuss Flashpoint #2, and the first batch of micro-series. To discuss how, even though the basic idea is derivative of Yesterday's Enterprise/Age Of Apocalypse/House Of M, it's been executed pretty well, with a good story, good reveals on the differences in this world, good mystery and intrigue. Based on the first batch of micros, those series are being used to fill in the gaps of this vastly different world and help paint the broad picture, and not just repeat the same old same old from the main event series (I'm looking at you, Blackest Night!).

I know it's early days yet, but so far I'd say this is the best DC event since, oh, I don't know, Invasion. And to my eyes, it's the best work that Geoff Johns has done in quite awhile. It's certainly better, as a series and as an event, than Marvel's Fear Itself (although I'll confess my opinion on that is probably too much influenced for my dislike of how Matt Fraction handles Thor, and especially Odin.).

But instead of discussing that, DC opened the can of worms a week and a half early, and instead of Flashpoint getting the proper recognition, everyone's focused on the Flushpoint revelations (And I'm even more guilty of that than most people, so mea culpa.)

I'm not sure why the PR dump couldn't have waited a week, until after there was some time for the public to appreciate the latest Flashpoint; instead they completely diverted attention from it. But then, that's DC all over, isn't it--in declaring a need to better market themselves, they completely botch the marketing of the best thing they've had in awhile.

So, while I'm still quite leery of the forthcoming Flushpoint world, and we can debate the wisdom (or lack thereof) of DC's Punt, let's not miss the actual story that's being told right now. It's purty good.

Spoiler Saturday Redux--Starman/Congorilla #1

Remember when Dan DiDio proclaimed that, after Blackest Night, there wasn't going to be anymore "revolving door" with the death of characters? Here's the quote:

Following Blackest Night, I think that death is a trick we will not be using very often – or at all for a long, long time. There is a finality of what goes on in Blackest Night, and there is an explanation of the “revolving door” sense of death in the DCU that’s part of the Blackest Night storyline.

And you guys actually believed him???

Suckers...

Yeah, James Robinson, who casually and offhandedly killed the Tasmanian Devil offscreen during Justice League: Cry For Justice--merely to show what a badass Prometheus was--has gone straight for the "trick" of death, and used the "revolving door" to undo that death.

So the "finality" of what went on in Blackest Night didn't even last a year. Death, used as a cheap and lame story device, with an equally cheap resurrection making it "all better," apparently is back on the table at DC.

Tas was revived with the help of Rex The Wonder Dog and a Lazarus Pit (which is also the Fountain Of Youth---please don't ask), which might have won some awesome points...except my mouth is still tainted by the bitter aftertaste of Robinson having Tas killed, skinned, and turned into a rug for some immature shock effect.

I suppose that, given the fan outcry over Tas' unnecessary death, this could be seen as some form of half-assed apology from James Robinson, maybe a way to try to undo some of the damage to his reputation after the pillorying JL:CFJ took.

But Lian Harper is still dead, so no sale.

Creative Bankruptcy

So, we all know that Marvel's creative strategy for the past few years has been to...borrow heavily...from DC.

Still, they can't keep that up, can they?

Well, yesterday Marvel announced a spin-off of the Chaos War event, Chaos War: Dead Avengers. Written by Fred Van Lente and drawn by Tom Grummett, it features a whole bunch of Avengers--back from the dead!! (Really--like we needed Dr. Druid resurrected?)

Today, they announced Chaos War: Alpha Flight, starring--you guessed it--all the original, dead members of Alpha Flight brought back to life.

Sigh.

Obviously, there will be more announcements to come--Chaos War: Spider-Man, reviving Gwen Stacy and Uncle Ben, anyone?--and I wager 50,000 quatloos that some of the dead will be permanently revived.

Geez louise, Marvel, couldn't you even wait a full year until you ripped off Blackest Night?!? Really?? You're that desperate for ideas?!?

(manic) Brightest (mon)Day #9--Things Just Move Slower In These Parts

So, at the end of Blackest Night #8...

Now, we know that Brightest Day #0 takes place at least several days later, and yet in the issue's epilogue:

Really? There's a big hole in the road, and one of the most powerful objects in the universe is just laying there, and it's still there several days later? The yokels of Silver City just sit around gawking? No one thought to call the Justice League, or S.T.A.R. Labs? Really?

I imagine the days passed like this:


WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

Zander | MySpace Video

And if you're going to say that both of the epilogues were taking place at different times than the stories that preceded them, well, I can hardly be blamed for the ridiculously poor storytelling, can I?

One-Dimensional Geography

You may recall how, in the "director's cut" of Blackest Night #0, Geoff Johns started out this way:

Now, I spent a couple of minutes disputing whether or not one could fairly describe Gotham City as the "darkest place in the DC Universe." But hey, it was just one remark, one opinion, not a pattern, right?

From Brightest Day #0:

So, Star City is more corrupt than Hub City, which is "synonymous with venality, corruption, and violence"? More corrupt than Gotham, even though Johns said Gotham is the "darkest place?"

In fairness, whereas the first quote was directly from Johns himself, the second caption is Deadman Lifeman (?) speaking. So it could just be that character's opinion. Or, that line could have been written by Peter Tomasi.

But when you throw on Central City, from Flash Secret Files And Origins 2010 #1:

You begin to perceive a pattern, don't you?

It is a good thing, I think, to try and give some character to some of DC's "fake" cities.

But is it a good thing that Geoff Johns has accomplished the "impressive" feat of bringing one-dimensional characterizations from the personal level to a city-wide level? That we can give each city "personality" by using one word modified by a superlative? No shades of gray, no second place finishers in his DC census. Every town must be the darkest place, or the most corrupt city, or fastest city...

Compare and contrast how James Robinson gave character to Opal City during his Starman run. He made Opal a palpable place, without having to resort to easy one-word slogans or short-cuts.

It strikes me that, if a writer used this approach to a character these days, we would pick on him some little bit for one-dimensional characterization, for lazy writing.

But entire cities? No problem, apparently...

Manic Monday--Blackest Night Roundup

Did I miss anything while I was in 1985?

Oh, yeah...

**Forgive me for being contrarian, but Blackest Night was crippled by a huge flaw: no decent villain.

I mean seriously, can you remember one line of Nekron's? One substantial thing Nekron did, besides stand around and posture?!? Can you even remember what he looked like, without having to go back to the comic to check?

He was completely ineffectual as a presence, a complete black hole in the center of the story. And yes, you can try to defend that with "he was an avatar of death, so of course he wasn't big on personality--he was more a concept than person." Well, I say piffle, and point to Thanos. He tried to wipe out all life in the universe, more than once--and he was never a cipher. He was interesting.

Which is not to suggest that Nekron should have been a Thanos clone. But Geoff Johns didn't even try to make Nekron a character--he was an attempt to impress the readership with with Johns' knowledge of continuity, and because Johns needed a villain who'd fit his...odd...cosmology. But he could have been literally anyone else in the DC Universe, because he wasn't given a scintilla of a scrap of any personality or characterization of his own. Which means, when you compare Blackest Night to Crisis I or any other "event," it has to be ranked farther down, because the quality of your adversary defines you to a large extent--and the adversary in this series had NO qualities whatsoever.

I mean, it's gotta say something when the Anti-Monitor is a more compelling character than your main villain, right? And it has to say something when Johns put FAR more effort into his Black Hand text pieces than in doing anything--anything at all, for heaven's sake--with Nekron.

**Let's whine about dangling plot threads, shall we?

Like, what happened to Sinestro? After Nekron separates him from the White Entity, we don't see him again. Shouldn't we have gotten something? He had been imprisoned by the Guardians, and scheduled to be executed...and the Yellow Corps wanted to free him, and the Red Corps wanted to rough him up themselves...so what happened? He just disappeared from the story. Did someone capture him? Did he escape, twirling his mustache? We don't have room to deal with this?!? Sinestro was a major player, and...poof, gone without even a syllable of explanation???

And what about when "Scar," the Guardian working for Nekron, captured the other Guardians (or killed them...this was very nebulous)?? Are they alive now? Free? Gone back to Oa? Chastened by the mistakes they made that helped all this happened? Arrogant and blaming others? Anything? Hello?

And at the end, Earth was being visited by all these hostile and antagonistic color corps. Did of the the Sinestro Corps just go home, even though Green Lanterns are supposed to detain them, and are authorized to kill them?? Did the Red Corps, supposedly filled with unquenchable rage, just kind of wander off without attacking anyone? Does that seem likely??

Seriously, I know everyone (including Geoff Johns, apparently) was distracted by all the big "surprise" resurrections at the end. But they sort of forgot to actually finish the story they were telling. Even if the Guardians (assuming they're alive--no one bothered to tell us) declared a general amnesty and told everyone to go home (and how likely does that seem, given their depicted attitude to the other corps??), does it seem at all likely that the Reds and Yellows would just meekly go home?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! What the hell actually happened?

**I can't believe that nobody was harping on this:

Aquaman has his hand back!!

Not that it matters to me that much, but you think more people would have mentioned it...

**Pot calling kettle black department: From the Brightest Day panel at Wondercon:

Was Blackest Night meant to be a commentary on the nature of death in comics? "Characters get killed all the time in comics," Johns said. "We wanted to do away with that tool for a while—when a character dies, they're dead. Try to give death a meaning in the DC Universe again."

This from the guy who did more than anyone else--much, much more than anyone else--to take away the meaning of death in the DC Universe in the first place. It's kind of like Bendis and Quesada complaining about how Marvel had mysteriously become less heroic under their tenure, and then expecting us to applaud the Heroic Age.

[James]Robinson: "Can I just say that there are characters that I wish came back that didn't, but Ted Kord died a true hero's death," saying that bringing him back might diminish that.

Yeah, because Barry Allen didn't die "a true hero's death." I guess he just tripped and fell down the stairs or something...or maybe he was just killed to prove that Maxwell Lord was a villain now. Now that's heroism. Anyway, bringing Barry back in no way diminished his sacrifice, right? Right? Hello?

**Why do so many of these rings involve vomiting?

Seriously, Geoff, that's kinda sick (and odd)...

Best (Unintentional...?) In-House Critique Of Blackest Night

So, 9 months into Blackest Night--9 MONTHS!!--how do you think the story is going, Kyle Rayner?

Yes, apparently, that is the only card they have in the storytelling deck for this entire plotline. Again. And again. And again.

Good call, Kyle.

Kyle calls out DC and Geoff Johns in Green Lantern Corps #46. But I'm certain Peter Tomasi didn't really mean it as a critique of the bloated, never-ending DC event, did he??

Multiple Climaxes??

From the March solicits for Green Lantern Corps #46 out March 17:

Blackest Night comes to its epic and stunning conclusion in this over-sized issue as the Green Lantern Corps descends on Earth to make their final stand against Nekron and the Black Lanterns!

From the solicit for Blackest Night #8, which ships 2 weeks later:

The extra-sized conclusion to the most talked-about event in comics is here...

So wait. GLC #46 isn't really the "epic and stunning conclusion?" Really, DC, do you have to lie like that to hype sales on the book? On the Green Lantern #52 solicit, you call it the "penultimate chapter." Why shine us on about GLC????

Exclusive Blackest Night #5 Preview!!

This isn't the kind of thing we usually do here, but this is too big an opportunity for us to pass up!!

Please don't ask me how I got this--I'd hate for anybody to lose their job over this--but here at Slay Monstrobot we have obtained some exclusive, never before seen panels from the upcoming Blackest Night #5!! Enjoy:








It's all there. Green Lantern? Check. Dead heroes rising from the grave? Check. Said dead folks resorting to the incredibly effective tactic of adolescent taunting of our heroes? Check. Heroes acting stunningly helpless in the face of such fierce taunting? Check.

So, there you go. We've been thrilled to bring you an exclusive scoop of--

Wait a minute. You say that's not Hal Jordan, Green Lantern, but Alan Scott, Sentinel? And there are no black rings flying around saying "FLSH!" or power countdowns??

Let me look...Hey, hold on here!! This is a 15-year old comic!!

You mean to tell me that so far it's taken DC 4 extra-size issues and four tie-in mini-series and countless crossovers to cover exactly the same ground that R.A. Jones and Gene Gonzales and Wade von Grawbadger finished up in only 10 pages in Showcase '95 #1 (and cover it again and again and again...)??

Maybe that explains why I didn't even get one of those incredibly-sought-after chintzy colored-plastic rings with this issue (because heaven knows, I'm willing to spend $3.99 on a book I wouldn't ordinarily buy just to get a 25¢ novelty!).

Gee, I guess that's my mistake then. Sorry, guys. Never mind.

Locutus?

Not to pick on Geoff Johns here, because it seems like EVERY sci-fi writer/series makes this boneheaded move at some point. But from Blackest Night #3 (series subtitle: Killing 5 More Months Until Hal Jordan Puts On All 7 Rings):

Yup, we've discarded EVERYTHING associated with individualism. Except, of course, designating one individual to be a leader. And that person "CHOSEN" to be leader, which, unless it was by random draw, implies individual attributes upon which such a choice is based.

I'm just saying, when the concept you're trying push can't even survive the first expository word balloon, why even try to use it?

Manic Monday--Minutiae

From Blackest Night: Batman #2 and Green Lantern Corps #40:










Please, please. please keep us fully apprised of the countdown in hundredths of a percentage.

Hell, why not take it all the way to thousandths of a percentage?

Or millionths?

Anything to disguise the fact that absolutely nothing is happening in this "epic" story, right? Pad, pad, pad...

Oh, wait, "POWER LEVELS 46.7745673%...."

Premise Fail

From Blackest Night: Superman #1:


So, Evil-Dead-Earth-2-Superman needed a shovel to dig up Pa Kent's grave?

A shovel??

I guess those Black Lanterns aren't so tough after all...

Simplified Synopsis of Blackest Night

Let's see, what do we have at the 1/4 point? A recap:

Black rings fly around, enter a grave, dead person arises.

Rinse, lather, repeat. Again and again and again.

Green Lantern and Flash have the same conversation they've already had in Flash: Rebirth and Blackest Night #0 (Barry Allen was apparently revived with short-term memory problems. Hal Jordan, of course, has a ready excuse for his mental problems).

Rinse, lather, repeat.

"Shocking" revelation of yet another dead person revived. Gasp!! Who could have imagined that yet another dead person with ties to a living hero would arise?!?

Rinse, lather, repeat.

I know that Geoff Johns has never been known for giving us the most briskly moving storylines, but this puppy is 25% over now...can we get past the repetitive preliminaries now and maybe get some actual story going?

DC Universe Travelogue

In last week's Blackest Night: Tales of the Corp #3...

Wait...a rant first. Thank you for the complete rip off, DC. Unlike the first two issues, this story doesn't feature any tales of the other corps...just generic origin stories for two Green Lanterns, and not even a single mention of the other colors corps, or of Blackest Night. Plus, there's only two stories instead of three this time--the rest is just a black & white, uninked reprint of Blackest Night #0...so DC is charging us for a story they had already given away for free.

Dudes, if you only had material for two specials, why the hell didn't you just publish two specials? Rip off...

End of rant.

Anyway, in the "Director's Commentary" for Blackest Night #0, Geoff Johns tells us:

Wait a minute.

Gotham is the darkest place in the DC Universe?

Really?

Darker than Santa Prisca, where the populace lives enslaved to a vicious narcocracy?

Darker than Biyala, which had every single man, woman and child murdered by Black-Adam?

Darker than Bludhaven, which was essential nuked by having Chemo dropped on them during Infinite Crisis, and then made into Apokolips-lite during Final Crisis?

And that's just on Earth. Hell, Gotham's not even the "darkest place" on the U.S eastern seaboard in the DC Universe.

I mean, sure, Batman's supposedly dead, but few know that; there's about a dozen super-heroes working the Gotham Streets; and 90% of the population isn't dead or living under a dictatorship. So, really, not so dark.

Not that I would ever suggest that Geoff Johns has an elevated sense of self-importance on the Blackest Night business...

It's Alive!! ALIVE!!!

Well, I'm back, more or less.

So, what fun, inspiring, life-affirming comics did I miss last week?



Oh, Geoff Johns, you sick bastard...

Anyway, I am indeed back. Thanks to one and all for messages and prayers and yadda.

Long story short: I somehow ended up with a fairly huge and gross MRSA staph abscess in my hand, which required surgery and a short hospital stay. (And let's here it for the American health care industry, as my insurance company demanded I be discharged days earlier than my doctors recommended, and with drugs far less effective than they recommended! Hey, but it's all worth it to avoid rationing and bureaucrats...)

But I'm fine, I'm relatively pain-free, and with the bonus of some doctor-mandated time off of work. So it's back on the posting pony.

I effectively have one hand for awhile, so they'll probably be shorter posts (with more typos!) and fewer pretty pictures. But soon, we'll ramp up to full-blooded obnoxiousness, silliness, and total kewlness.

Seriously, was there anything really cool I missed last week?

Ahhhh, that's more like it...