Manic Monday Triple Overtime--The Foldee Justice League!!

You are all too young to remember "Comic Book Foldees," a little toy/book thingie Topps put out to ensure they got the loose change from kid who weren't into baseball cards:

See, you'd tear the perferations between the top and bottom halves, and flip them around to create massive humorous half-and-half creatures, like thus:

Oh, Hal...

Siskoid did a whole series of these...and here's a collection of pictures of many, many more.

I bring this up because, while these may seem like flights of fancy, DC beat Topps to the punch (although doubtless someone else had the foldee idea years earlier). See, the Justice League is trying to save multiple planets, including Earth, from getting blown up by evil conqueror Kradd.

He uses a "molecular de-adhesion beam" to dissolve our heroes...

Well, that sucks.

But don't worry. Someone survived because of Gardner Fox science:

Believable!

Fortunately, Green Lantern forgot to put a passcode on his ring, so anyone can use it. See, because maybe groggy super-heroes should be using it...?

You can say that again, Ray.

Foldees!! The Atom made Justice League Foldees!!

Fortunately, he gets Wonder Woman, and only Wonder Woman, right. I guess we can't have those girl parts getting mixed up with boy parts, can we?

But it's too late to fix the others...

Well, when you're a Justice Leaguer, the foldee situation is always half-full, not half-empty!

Yeah, but that's Kryptonian "waist-down," Hal!!

Woo hoo!!

The JLAers makes lemonade out of lemons, and tear up Kraad's fortress:

Even the unconscious Atom gets in on the fun. Since his body is immune, why not use it to plug the de-adhesion gun?

Pretty embarrassing, Ray...

Hey, you could have used that later!!

...and everything is back to normal!!

They really should have kept that de-adhesion device around. There are plenty of cool foldee power combinations they could have come up with!!

From Justice League of America #25 (1964)

Manic Monday Bonus--Everyone In The 60s Wanted To Do This Story, Apparently!!

A few months ago, we discussed how remarkably similar the Star Trek episode Miri and a Supergirl story were to each other. They even came out on the same day!!

Well, the coincidences just won't stop. Just over a year later, in the very first appearance of Guy Gardner...

So, wait. Once again, a planet where a disease wiped out all the adults, leaving the children in charge, and they never aged??

Now, as I said, this was a year after the Trek and Supergirl stories, so there was certainly time for their "influence" to have been felt here. And as I noted last time, it's certainly possible that all 3 stories were just tapping into the "don't trust anyone over 30 because adults will destroy the world" and "if kids take over they'll ruin everything because the new generation sucks" zeitgeists that were floating around in the late 60s. Thank gosh that today we're past all that sort of generational blaming, eh?

Anyway, this planet's kids or substantially more destructive than the kids in Miri, because they've also got a healthy dollop of the episode A Taste Of Armageddon:

They don't realize that war and destruction are evil?!? Yup, this must be where DC got the idea that Superman had to snap Zod's neck in order to learn that murder is bad...

Anyway, Guy whips up some space armor to block the kids from mentally dominating him (because the story is borrowing from And The Children Shall Lead, too!), and puts an end to this war.

Mighty convenient.

Hmm, by the way, did you notice the way that robot emphasized that it was a yellow plague that killed all the adults? I wonder why...?

Oh. Man, they just took that yellow thing waaaaay too far, didn't they?

And so...

Oh, wait, I forgot to mention---this story never really happened!! Hal's just watching some magic Guardians machine that shows him what would have happened if Abin Sur's ring had called Guy Gardner instead of him!!

Oh, you goofy Elseworlds stories!! See, it can't be plagiarism if it's an imaginary story!!

From Green Lantern #59 (1968)

Guardians Of The Universe--C$%& Blockers!!

Who's the black Green Lantern that's a sex machine to all the chicks?

John Stewart!!

You're damn right...until one of the Guardians comes calling, that is:

WAIT...did he just say what I think he said? He made John interrupt "the completion of his pleasure"?!?!?!?!?

You just know Hal Jordan would never let that act go uncompleted!

John tries to make sure the home fires will still be burning...

..but after his little adventure:

"I dunno"??? "Guess"???? "Report to the Guardians"????

Dude, Beverly is waiting--in your bed!!

John--BEVERLY IS WAITING FOR YOU IN BED!!!!!

John Stewart, you are no Hal Jordan!!

From Green Lantern #165 (1983)

Why Kyle Rayner Is The Best Green Lantern!

It's pretty simple:

His mother never threw away his comic books!

Meanwhile, you can be pretty sure that Hal Jordan never even read comics--he would have dismissed them as "too nerdy."

From Green Lantern Secret Files #2 (1999)

Manic Monday Bonus--A Field-Spotter's Guide To Green Lanterns!

From Green Lantern Secret Files #2 (1999):

There will be a quiz on this later...

Hal Jordan Needed To Walk A Beat!

Poor, broody Hal Jordan wants to quit the Green Lantern Corps because feelings...

The Guardians point out that Hal is a whiny baby, and has responsibilities greater than one backward planet...

...and that he's kinda wasting "the most powerful weapon in the universe" fighting bank robbers.

Hal tries to answer...but he's unarmed in this battle of wits.

So, "get off your ass and do your job" is the little blue guys' message.

Of course, the Guardian eventually had Earth "home" bunches of Green Lanterns, and made Earth  home the new race of Guardians, so, you know, things change.

Still, this lead to Hal being (voluntarily) exiled from Earth for one year, while he got to know Sector 2814. What they never mention is that Coast City almost immediately fell to an unrestrained plague of muggers and jaywalkers...

But it was all for the best, as it was never going to work out with Carol, anyway...

From Green Lantern #149 (1982)

Manic Monday--KA-THUD!!

Got the Mondays?

This will fix you up!

Some aliens from Ur are attacking the Justice League because they have been duped into thinking they're Earth's dictators.

Anyway, the aliens have "meta-caps" that allow them to mimic their opponents' powers.

No problem, though, for an experienced Green Lantern, right?

Ah, but you see, these are adjustable meta-caps!!

Yup. It's always the yellow's fault, Hal. Sure.

Anyway, seeing Hal Jordan get whacked in the head and fall with a giant KA-THUD should get your week off to a good start.

You're welcome.

From Justice League Of America #70 (1969)

How To Evade Hal Jordan's Unwanted Attentions!

What to do when Hal Jordan pus the moves on you?

Katma Tui has a solution!

After she totally saves Hal's butt when he's been beaten by Sinestro, Hal thanks her in a way we'd consider inappropriate these days:

So, has does Katma deal with it?

Really.

This is Katma Tui, who was going to leave the Green Lantern Corps and marry male Korugaran scientist Imi Khan until Hal tricked her out of it (Silver Age!!). Then again, If Korugarans who look female to us Earthers aren't female, well, maybe males aren't male, either.

Still, this is Katma Tui, who married Earther Green Lantern John Stewart. So those trans-species gender problems suddenly didn't matter? Was John just studlier than Hal? A better kisser? (As if!!) I'm sure Hal had some questions about that wedding! ("But I thought you said...)

Or did Crisis somehow effect the gender status of Korugarans? Should we explore how that effects Sinestro and perhaps explains his obsession with Hal?!?

I've researched, and can't a single other instance where we get confirmation of Katma's "no, I just look female" status. So we have to assume that she's totally bullshitting Hal here, right?

So, I guess if someone is harassing you , you can try the "Sorry, wrong species, chum" defense. If it works against Hal Jordan, it will work against anyone!!

From Green Lantern #124 (1980)