Spoiler Saturday--Joy To The World!!

Oh, man, what a perfect start to the weekend!! Sunny, mild, a huge pile of comics to read...why, absolutely nothing can bring me down!!

Hmmmph.

Well, of course young Bruce Wayne is a little bit gloomy.

Still, that's not gonna bring me down!! The Justice League is finally fully assembled (see what I did there?), and it's time for some grand super-hero style fun!!

Ummm...OK.

You know, getting picked last for the basketball team isn't really the worst trauma in the world, so when Geoff Johns and Jim Lee seem to equate that childhood tragedy with Bruce Wayne's...I hope Batman punches them. Plus, really, do we need a Superman who has had an unhappy childhood?

(Then again, those two panels of Clark Kent's youth are more than we've had from every other nu52 book combined so far, so maybe we shouldn't kvetch...)

All righty, then, let's press on with modern super-heroic glee!!

Wait, you guys have already covered this part of Vic's life to death. Really, you got nothing else?

I wish the Leaguers could see and comment on each others' "I've had a hard life" flashbacks:

VIC: Man up, Clark. At least your parents came to see your sporting events!
BRUCE: At least you have a dad, Victor. Mine's dead.
CLARK: Shut up, Mr. "No Favorite Color." You were never picked last for anything.

Sigh.

Look, it's a glorious day, and I'm not going to let the "everyone in the JL had childhood issues that motivate their lives as heroes" theme get me down!! Besides, every Leaguer can't have had childhood trauma, right? Right??

Oh, dear...

Oh, well...so much for the happy cheerful day...anyone have some Prozac?

Diversity In Subs, Not So much In Heroes

Finally revealed--the true reason DC is rebooting Justice League:

Yup, the new version of Justice League--or at least the spiffy new logo--debuts in the 8 page (EIGHT PAGES!!!!) mini-comic that appears in most of the DC books this week.

And lest you doubt the commercial intent of this package:

Yup, because NFL players are always walking along the beach discussing the exact ingredients of their Subway sandwiches!

The best part? Bad guys show up, the Justice League shows up, and things quickly devolve to the level of the classic Hostess ads. Don't believe me?

Ha ha--it's funny because Black Manta is a child killer, and he loves your sandwiches. What, Subway, was Doctor Light too busy?

But the bestest part is here, as we see the poster advertising the Justice League's presence:

So...Cyborg: big enough to be a founding member of the new improved Justice League, but not big enough to be in a cheesy Subway ad/story. Good start, DC, to that plan to make Cyborg your big new star. So much for that new diversity.

(In fairness, the story does feature three African-American football players saving Aquaman and being crucial to the Justice League's victory, so we shouldn't try to draw too many inferences. Still, the debut of the new more diverse DC Universe, at least in advertisement form, leaves six white faces on their heroes, and not even a green one to break up the monotone.)

But the bestest bestest part?

We're gonna get three more of these!!

Differing Definitions

From the latest USA Today article on Flushpoint:

The recent emphasis on diverse characters such as lesbian superheroine Batwoman, Hispanic hero Blue Beetle and African-American adventurer Cyborg (who will be a core member of Johns and Lee's new Justice League) also will continue.

Obviously, DC has a different definition of "emphasis" than most of us do.

Maybe actually publishing a comic book starring Batwoman, Blue Beetle or Cyborg would help, as opposed to perpetually putting off Batwoman, cancelling Blue Beetle, and having Cyborg "star" in a series that is explicitly not in current DC reality.

(Or maybe if USA Today actually, you know, reported, rather than blindly passing along DC press releases as news...squawk, Polly want a cracker!)

I'm just sayin.'

Vic Stone Has Some Advice For Roy Harper

As Roy Harper prepares to audition for a guest spot as drummer for Def Leppard, we've been asking for some perspective from other similarly unlucky residents of the DC universe. Today, Roy's fellow Titan Vic Stone, a.k.a. Cyborg, has a few words to say. Take it away, Vic:



You lost one arm, Roy? Just one? That's it? No other body parts?

Man, you better not start up with any self-pity jive, because I have you beat twelve ways to Sunday. Hell, you've got working parts that I would kill to have, if you know what I mean.

So no whining, no moping, just get yourself up and be thankful some other bits weren't removed. Maybe you can still get lucky with Hawkgirl...

Thanks, Vic.