The Goofiest Cover You've Never Seen--The Phantom Zone #3 (1982)

Sometimes you've just got to say...

...WHAT THE FRAK?!?!?!?

I guess that's what happens when you let the Howard The Duck team do a pre-Crisis DC series.

Somehow, this never became one of those "iconic" covers that everyone does homages to...

Of course, all of the covers of this mini-series were pretty goofy:

And of course, this next should have taken the place of Crisis #7 in our collective imaginations...

Gerber, Colan, Phantom Zone tomfoolery...I guess I'd better go Quarter Bin searching soon...

Phantom Zone #1-4 are from 1982

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Maybe The D Stands For "Hope"?!?

If it's a day that ends in a "y," there most be another new Kryptonian hanging around Smallville:

Wow!! I guess that means watch out, the trouble's just beginning if you live in Hawaii or Guatemala!

No, but seriously, this isn't really a Kryptonian. It's part of an over-elaborate hoax to trick Superboy into freeing the prisoners from the Phantom Zone. Who's behind it?

Duh.

But that's a good question, Luthor--how did Superboy suss you out?

But...but...but...

OK, OK, this is before the "the S symbol is the crest of the House Of El" thing was thought up, and the "S" Superboy wears was put there by Ma Kent. Maybe Luthor should have said, "It's not a D...on Krypton it stands for oh, I don't know, faith?!?"

Still, it was pretty damned stupid for young genius Lex Luthor to put Dak-El's initial there. After all, he was in contact with the Phantom Zone villains, and none of them wore monogrammed clothing.

From Superboy #115 (1964)

Evil Is All In The Spelling!!

Nightwing and Flamebird have tracked down the mysterious hooded Crime-Lord, the dude who's behind all of the crime in Kandor!

But his true identity just might surprise you:

No, dopey...not Jor-El...Jur-Ll!!!

That's how you know he's from an alternate dimension--the spelling!!

Oh, yeah, and the "ruler of a criminal empire" part. That's a clue, as well!

Yes, irony is a bitch, even in alternate dimensions.

I will say this--thanks to Marshall Rogers, Jur-Ll dies really well:

Well, that had to hurt.

Someone better get Grant Morrison on the horn quickly, before he finishes Multiversity...

From Superman Family #194(1979)

This Am Zod Me Want!!

Superboy is using a Kryptonian "thought helmet" to receive a mental history lesson about some of Krypton's greatest criminals:

What???

Yes, in Zod's very first appearance, he tried to use an army of "imperfect duplicates" of himself to take over Krypton. Because an army of dummies with a poor grasp of grammar is a wonderful way to overthrow a super-science society. "Me want to overthrow Krypton" indeed!!

And, as he gets banished into the Phantom Zone for the stupidest coup plot ever, enjoy his uncomfortably tight shorts:

So, what I'm saying is, I really hope this is the Zod we get for the new Superman movie: Viggo Mortensen* as a buffoon in tight shorts who creates a ton of imperfect imitations of himself because that's the best way he could think of to conquer Krypton.

Because nobody said Zod had to be smart...ruthless and evil, sure, but not smart.

*(Editor's note: yeah, we just read that Viggo is not actually going to be in Superman: Man Of Steel. But it's late, snell is tired, and there's no way he's going to go back and re-write anything at this point. Please feel free to insert your own favorite actor into the Zod role.)

From Adventure Comics #283 (1961), as reprinted in Superboy #165 (1970).