Friday, July 7, 2017

Friday Night Fights--Strangest Sports Stories Style!

What happens if you cross Santa Claus Conquers The Martians with Take Me Out To The Ballgame, and throw in a dash of Star Trek's Miri? You get this week's Friday Night Fights!!

Because what could be more summer than...

...especially since it's:


WHIZ's violation of child labor laws extends to their sports coverage, as...

So Billy is off to the dangerous wilderness...of Brooklyn!!

He needs help to find the right train... do some charming orphans!

Oh, geez, Billy, what the heck is it with you and subways, anyway?

Once they reach Mars, we find out why they're kidnapping children:

Of course, Billy takes The Man's position!!

But then--an attack!!

Well, one thing leads to another, and Billy is captured by the STQSTAS!!

And we learn the truth about Martian society!

And of course, square Billy sides with THE MAN (again!).

The STQSTAS use catapults to launch submission gas grenades into the FZZPHZ city!! (I never thought I would be typing that sentence!)

Fortunately, good old American kids know how to deal with that!

Somehow, the grenades are all sent flying back at the STQSTAS! How??

And so the worlds' Mars' first baseball battle is ON!!

And despite thousands of years of history, Earth morality is imposed on Martian culture:

The End!! (The kids choose to stay behind and put together a proper Martian baseball team come back to Earth in 1950 and "beat both the Dodgers and the Giants." That's almost certainly why the left New York...)

Spacebooger notes that with all of the bondage, gagging, submission gas and spankings, this is pretty much an early Wonder Woman comic!

Mars learns America's pastime in America's Greatest Comics #8 (1943), scripter unknown, art by C. C. Beck

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? Peanuts and crackerjack, man. So go and vote!!

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