Sunday, November 29, 2015

The Shocking Truth About Professional Wrestling!!

Several days a week, my Twitter feed finds itself jammed by otherwise rational people who for some reason seem obsessed by every plot turn in the adolescent soap opera amazing athletic event that is professional wrestling.

Well, this post is for them.

Mike Matthew, a.k.a. Mike The Mauler, is the undisputed wrestling champ:

But a certain evil scientist has plans for him:

Well, that could be a very useful talent! Thionk of all the good you could do...

...or you could teach gorillas to wrestle humans! By making them watch wrestling on TV!

So soon...
"I want...wrestle!"

So, in one of those things that happens all the time where crazy rich men pay famous athletes to come perform for them privately, Dr. Blau makes Mike an offer he can't refuse!

Of course, when Mike gets there, he discovers the awful truth:

And despite being a champion, Mike is no match for a gorilla!

Nope, Mike is in big trouble...


"Elec...what that?"

Well, that also kills the evil doctor, so all's well that ends well...especially as Mike is now an even better wrestler than before!!

And so we have learned that wrestling can easily be mastered by telepathic gorillas who just watch it on television a lot. Which is why all of you watch wrestling all the time. Right??

From Beware #11 (1952)


Mista Whiskas said...

"A man must be better than a beast!"

Such rank specieism!

It might have been a blow for humankind of the gorilla had won, but at least it probably would have comported itself better than Hulk Hogan.

Green Luthor said...

Ordinarily, one would think grabbing loose wires and electrocuting your opponent to death in a sporting event would be against the rules, but I guess pro wrestling really does follow that "if the ref didn't see it, it didn't happen" principle...

And what's the deal with giving the villain's back story in a footnote? Isn't he supposed to monologue all that information for the audience? Sheesh, it's almost like they were trying to avoid having him deliver clumsy exposition. What kind of comic book is that?

snell said...

Luthor: Monologuing gets in the way of the wrestling!!