Saturday, August 3, 2013

Don't Take Me Out To This Ballgame!

As we await Major League Baseball's wrath to come down on A-Rod and other purported PED users, perhaps we should take a minute to appreciate to true majesty of how baseball should be played:

Oh, dear.

Just this splash page has so many things that cause me pain...

A) Exactly 5 1/2 pages of the 52-page story take place in the Astrodome, the rest in space or on an astral plane. Apparently, 10% of the story is enough to justify the abysmal pun of the title. Steve Englehart or Steve Miller? You decide...

B) I'm generally no fan of Al Milgrom's artwork, but man, this takes the cake. Trying to fit the entire diamond onto the splash page has forced the jettisoning of all sense of perspective. It's not even a diamond anymore!! And Black Knight's lead off of first base is what, 80% of the way to second? How long are those basepaths? They're obviously smaller than 90 feet, unless the Avengers have grown in to giants. (Yes, softball does have 60 foot basepaths. But they're playing on a pre-existing, AstroTurf field, so it's not like they could easily put in new basepaths, etc. And even if it is 60 feet instead of 90, the proportions still suck!)

Sigh...

And despite the caption:

They're clearly not playing softball, because Wonder Man is clearly pitching overhand, not underhand (MILGROM!!):

Also, a softball game is 7 innings, not nine.

And Thor's not using a bat. Come on, now, cheating much.

Surely we can count on Captain America to set thing right!

Sigh.

Cap, softball isn't the Great American pastime, baseball is (ENGLEHART!!). Did you forget that while frozen?

And I'm sorry, Cap, but pitching and defense are part of baseball. A 417-413 game is not a "credit" to anything except video games (or cricket, perhaps). To get that score, each team would have to average 43 runs per inning, going through their line-up at least 4 times before being retired. I can't think of anything more boring...And the time it would take!! Super-villains must salivate waiting for this annual game, knowing the teams will be tied up for days!!

It must be Cap's super-steroids talking there...

Anyhoo...


"The game of his life??" Your side has given up 413 runs!!! (Granted, perhaps he's only a reliever, but then he's allowed to bases to become loaded and the tying run to come to plate.) I'd hate to see one of his less impressive games...




Great, Avengers...you broke the Astrodome! Now they'll never let you play there again!

Ridiculous home run displays, offense out of control, plays that made no sense...perhaps the "steroid era" of baseball began much earlier than thought...

From West Coast Avengers Annual #2 (1987)

4 comments:

Comicsfan said...

And a nice dig from Thor, as well, reminding Hank of his past disgrace in the middle of what's supposed to be a fun game. Nice.

Siskoid said...

It's a good thing Thor hit that fastball. It would have killed Hank for sure.

actionmoviefanatix.com said...

Well, I legitamately laughed at the title. Call me stupid if you will.

That splash page is pretty laughable though. My favorite part, which you did not mention, is Cap leading off in the wrong direction.

Garnet said...

Cap is indeed leading off the wrong way. Guess he leans to the right, no matter what.