Monday, March 26, 2018

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Just Desserts!!

If you've read enough romance comics--and why haven't you?!?--than you know that they usually find a way to auger in a happy ending for each tale.

Mary dating both Pete and Frank? By the finale, she'll learn which one she really loves, and finds that he waited for her! Scary for a moment, but consequence-free!

Jane seduced by wealth and glamour? She'll learn the error of her ways, and hometown boyfriend will take her back! All's well that ends well!

But sometimes, once in awhile, the stories would break the pattern:

Poor Julie is...well, not poor, but certainly not rich. Her dad is a bank teller, and owns a horse, and OMG it's so boring.

And then there's Slim (no, not Slim Summers, even though he squints a lot), hot stablehand!


Ah, lust without love.

When she goes on vacation with Dad to Florida, though...




Can she be honest about her humble circumstances?!?


No!!


Damn, Julie, it's all "you, you, you!!"

But a summons from home cuts paradise short!


And life back home is hell!!


But Slim doesn't know he's out of the picture yet!




Well, Ronny's going to reveal that he's not a snob, and still loves Julie, right? Right...?



Well, that's all right. She'll realize the error of her ways, and still have Slim as her safety school, right? He'll take her back, right? Right?



WOW!! Rejected on all sides!!

That's why you have to read every comic you can--because you never know what's going to happen!!

From First Love 45 (1954)

Manic Monday Bonus--Little Shop Of Keystone Horrors!

Normally, I would never, ever question the science in a comic book...

...but I've gotta call shenanigans on that malarkey.

Then again...

...if they print it, it must be true!!

Botanist Phineas Burton receives a mysterious package...


No harm? As if!

Wait...thought balloons for a plant?!?

No, this is all of your nightmares come true!




So begins a wave of plant-based crime across Keystone City:


Apparently, no one had any weed-killer available.

But our overgrown flower is not content:


The secret origin of driverless cars.

Plus, more crime!
Anyway, Flash makes quick work of the plant, and everyone is saved.

See, everyone, we don't need Poison Ivy to do a "plants out of control" story. Cut out the middleman, and bring back Maldita Toxicohedron!!

From Comic Cavalcade #5 (1943)

Manic Monday--For Girls Only!!

Hey, teenage girls--look what we have for you (and only you!!):


"Waiting for, longing for..."

YAY!!

And yes, this was a real thing. After one issue of Miss America Comics, the title transmogrified into...

Miss America Magazine had 2 or 3 comics stories per issue, but also plenty of articles on movies and boys and fashion and boys and...

That issue, #2, was the only one to feature Madeline Joyce on the cover. After 4 issues, her strip disappeared altogether, with Patsy Walker becoming the "lead" comic story each month, and eventually becoming the perpetual cover gal.

How much of that was due to the decline in super-hero popularity of the era, and how much to the perception that girls didn't like super-heroes, I'll leave to wiser heads to discuss. 

After 10 years, the magazine had shrunk down to nearly comic book size again, and with #51 became a comic book again, "(Patsy Walker) starring in Miss America", with nothing but stories about patsy and friends.

Maybe that means we can get Miss America in Jessica Jones season 3...?

Ad from All-Winners Comics #13 (1944); Miss America Magazine #2 is also from 1944.

Sunday, March 25, 2018

The Secret Two-Face Conspiracy!!

There's a conspiracy going on in the DC Universe, and it's been right in front of our faces--well, half of our faces---for 75 years.

 Let's travel back to the very first appearance of Two-Face, in Detective Comics #66 (1942):

Yes, initially he was named Harvey Kent, not Dent. Yes, I've already done a post making him Superman's secret half-brother. But that's not the conspiracy here.

No, we need to go to the trial of Boss Moroni, where Batman is testifying against the gang leader...


Look at that panel very carefully. We'll come back to it in a minute...

By the way, I'm pretty sure that throwing acid at the prosecutor will in no way help you beat the rap.

Anyway...
"Vitriol" is olde-tyme talk for sulfuric acid.

Then we get a scene completely and totally ripping Tim Burton's Batman...

Surely they can fix it?

The only doctor who can do it is in a German concentration camp?  Well, that happens.

Finally, the big reveal:

WAIT WAIT WAIT.

One more time:

Harvey is very clearly hit ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF HIS FACE with the acid...

 ...BUT IT'S THE LEFT SIDE THAT ENDS UP SCARRED!!!

What. The. Hell.

Sure, it'd be easy (and no doubt correct) to write this off as a simple error, at a time when comics were rushed out as quickly as possible with little time for actual editing. And all later retellings have been careful to show the acid hitting his left side:


BUT THAT'S THE CONSPIRACY!!! It a monumental cover-up!!

So what could it really mean?

1) Maybe some of the acid actually splashed over to the other side of his face?

NO. The doctor in the courtroom is very clear. "It only struck one side of his face."

2) It's Earth-Two, so chill.

NO. Well, yes, the WWII reference and the "Harvey Kent" make it pretty clear this is Earth-2 (as was confirmed in a Mr. & Mrs. Superman story (!)).

But even so...the laws of physics aren't that different on Earth-2. If you're hit with acid on the right side of your face, you don't scar on the left side.

3) Harvey is an alien.

YES. Maybe he was a Skrull/Durlan type, and yes, he was hit in the right side of his face--which is why that side is now paralyzed, locked in faux human form. The left, "evil" side is actually his true alien visage. Doomed to never be able to fully revert to his true appearance, poor Harvey went mad, believing himself truly a human, and inventing ridiculous backstories of abuse to justify his fractured psyche.

So why was a shape-shifting alien posing as a Gotham City prosecutor back in the day? Why was Two-Face never in the Batman '66 show? Why show the correct and true acid splashing the first time, and then cover it up by "correcting" it each time they trot out Harvey's origin?

Because DC is covering up the massive 1940s alien invasion of Earth. And we'll never know the full story...because DC today is clearly run by aliens.

How else would you explain having Darkseid join the Justice League?