He IS Rising (And Advancing)!!

This week's Avengers #5, aside from being a fundamental lesson in how to pad out a 2-3 issue storyline to trade length, also sees Marvel doing more explicit ripping off of DC.

Specifically, they steal the idea of Rip Hunter's blackboard containing mysterious hints of future events upcoming in the DC universe. Except here, it's future Tony Stark laying out upcoming events on a big old sheet of butcher paper (don't worry, there are no spoilers for the actual Avengers story here):

Click to embiggen enough to actually read...or wait for one of the news sites to run a big ol' high-res readable version.

Anyway, DC rip-off or not, the important part comes when we zoom in a bit:

Yup, you saw it:

Now, earlier I was experiencing paroxysms of joy because Shang-Chi is returning for a least one storyline in Ed Brubaker's Secret Avengers, and they've been dropping hints that Fu Manchu might be coming back, too.

But this...surely one little guest-arc wouldn't be enough to justify it's own entry on Rip Hunter's blackboard Tony's wholly original timeline from the future, would it??

Is Master Of Kung Fu coming back, as its own title??

Could it be? Dare I hope??

Or is this going to be like when Bendis gave us Nick Fury's Bulletin Board Of Skrulls, which was scrutinized to death by fans and ultimately turned out to be completely meaningless and worthless??

Don't disappoint me, Marvel...

Where In The World Is Hulk Sandiego?

Quiz time, campers:

Do YOU know, kids...?

Ahhhh.....

Hydra probably would have been an acceptable answer, too...

From Incredible Hulk #146 (1971)

The Hulk Bro Code

The wisdom of the Hulk, on how to be the ultimate Bro:

Fair enough.

Testify, brother.

OK, maybe we're taking this one a bit too far...

All right, that one's just causing nothing but trouble!

Greenskin lays down his laws in assorted issues of Incredible Hulk from 1969, 1970 and 1971.

The Hulk Has Obviously Never Been To Kalamazoo

As I often complain to my friends, the real problem with Kalamazoo is, there's not enough caves (as in, none). Decades of comics & TV have taught me that all caves are places of mysterious coolness and mondo wondrous fun. So of course, I live my life in a completely caveless town.

Hulk doesn't have that problem.

Oh, Hulk, how I envy you!!

From Incredible Hulk #128 (1970)

Emergency Post--WWW

No time today, and frankly, I got nothin', anyway. So...

Hmmm, what's behind the glass? Ahh, the old standby--using "ironic" sexual innuendo to defile a Silver Age comic. Specifically:

C'mon, Robert Conrad, choose which phallic symbol you want to use...long and blunt, or short and sharp. You can't have both!

Inside:

"For a dude, you've got a lot on the ball!"

Huh huh, huh, huh, he said "ball."

Something tells me you should never use "cocksure" and "twitching fingers" in the same sentence. Especially when the artist puts the camera at crotch level...

Sigh...sorry, guys...I'll do better tomorrow.

From Wild, Wild West #1 (1966).

Manic Monday--Suprise Crossover!!

And then there was that time that Red Hulk guest-starred on Battlestar Galactica:

It was such a big deal, it was even a 2-parter:

OK, OK, it wasn't Red Hulk (although, the idea of a monstrous Thunderbolt Ross taking on Commander Adama and crew is intriguing, in a fanfic sort of way).

But the beauty part? This wasn't even a Battlestar: Galactica story--at least not originally! Marvel's Tarzan book had been cancelled a few months earlier, and according to GCD, one of the scripts they had intended to use for Lord Greystoke "was reworked into a Battlestar Galactica story when Marvel's Tarzan title was cancelled."

So, really, it was a Tarzan/Battlestar: Galactica crossover. Who the hell needs fanfic??

Maybe Marvel has some leftover ROM scripts laying around that they could make into, oh, I don't know, a Stephen King comic book...

Marvel's Battlestar: Galactica #17 & #18 were from 1980, with covers by Bill Sienkiewicz and Michael Golden, respectively; written by Walt Simonson (plot) and Steven Grant (plot & script), drawn by Simonson & Klaus Janson (#17) & Sal Buscema and Janson (#18). Whew.

Law & Order--Shang-Chi Style!!

In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate but equally important groups: the police, who hassle jaywalkers, and Shang-Chi, who debates the cops on matters of philosophy. These are their stories. Chung chung.







Thanks, guys, for making the streets of New York safer.

From Master Of Kung Fu #90 (1980).

Dead Letter Office

WORST. MAILMAN. EVER.

Sadly, this is only one of them there symbolic splash pages. So no one really got gunned down by Skeletor dressed up as Willie Lumpkin (note to Johnathan Hickman--yes, you may use that idea).

However, the story does include this charming bit:



Also, in the very same story, Ellery Queen nabs a man in an iron lung for murder:

It's a pretty silly (yet cool at the same time) story wherein a mysterious cult leader gets people who want to commit suicide yet are afraid to actually kill themselves to kill other people on this mysterious chain letter list, in exchange for someone later killing them --except it turns out that the victims aren't really other suicide wannabes who are higher up the chain, but are actually innocent victims that crooks hired the cult leader to kill. So he uses these foolish suicide-wanting dupes for gangland hits. Crazy, eh?

Also crazy--Todd hired this "service" to knock off Bertha's husband, Bob--he was jealous, wanted her for himself, blah blah. So, the very same afternoon that Bob is murdered:

Dude, at least wait for rigor mortis to set in before you make your move. Sheesh.

From Ellery Queen #1 (1952). Isn't about time that someone did an Ellery Queen comic again? Especially now that the classic 1970s TV series in out on DVD...

Friday Night Fights--West Side Story Style!!

There are some things that are as certain as death and taxes...and one of those things is that sometime during a bout of Friday Night Fights, I'm going to play the Master Of Kung Fu card.

Having just prevented Fu Manchu from blowing up the World Trade Center (using UFO's, electronic zombies, South American leopard cultists, and a nuclear bomb...seriously), Shang-Chi eschews a vacation. Instead, he takes it upon himself to settle the growing Asian gang problem in New York City. Why? Because that's how Shang-Chi rolls, dammit!

He approaches the Joy Boys, and expresses a desire to talk. You can imagine how well that goes. Fortunately, Shang-Chi is quite the linguist:
















Let's see the Jets and Sharks try to top that, huh? Shang-Chi makes even Spacebooger look like Officer Krupke...

Shang-Chi performs on off-Broadway version of Eight Men Out in Master Of Kung Fu #90 (1980), by (of course) Doug Moench, Mike Zeck, and Gene Day.

And all you readers--join in the fights. Come play each Friday!! It's fun!!

Yellow Journalism

You know, if newspapers today had headlines as great as those the Daily Bugle ran about the Liberty Legion during WWII, good, the print industry wouldn't be in any trouble at all:



"Magma Carta" may be the best pun in the history of mankind. I'm just saying.

But then again...

OK, OK, we couldn't do this one today...

From this week's Captain America: Patriot #1, by Karl Kesel and Mitch Breitweiser...I'm guessing Kesel gets credit for the headlines. (Oh, and the issue was really good, too...read it!)