Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Exclusive Blackest Night #5 Preview!!

This isn't the kind of thing we usually do here, but this is too big an opportunity for us to pass up!!

Please don't ask me how I got this--I'd hate for anybody to lose their job over this--but here at Slay Monstrobot we have obtained some exclusive, never before seen panels from the upcoming Blackest Night #5!! Enjoy:

It's all there. Green Lantern? Check. Dead heroes rising from the grave? Check. Said dead folks resorting to the incredibly effective tactic of adolescent taunting of our heroes? Check. Heroes acting stunningly helpless in the face of such fierce taunting? Check.

So, there you go. We've been thrilled to bring you an exclusive scoop of--

Wait a minute. You say that's not Hal Jordan, Green Lantern, but Alan Scott, Sentinel? And there are no black rings flying around saying "FLSH!" or power countdowns??

Let me look...Hey, hold on here!! This is a 15-year old comic!!

You mean to tell me that so far it's taken DC 4 extra-size issues and four tie-in mini-series and countless crossovers to cover exactly the same ground that R.A. Jones and Gene Gonzales and Wade von Grawbadger finished up in only 10 pages in Showcase '95 #1 (and cover it again and again and again...)??

Maybe that explains why I didn't even get one of those incredibly-sought-after chintzy colored-plastic rings with this issue (because heaven knows, I'm willing to spend $3.99 on a book I wouldn't ordinarily buy just to get a 25¢ novelty!).

Gee, I guess that's my mistake then. Sorry, guys. Never mind.


Mr. Philoctetes Digressius (aka L. E. McKenna) said...

Absolute brilliance. Great find.

Anonymous said...

The fact Blackest Night is selling so well just points to the adolescence of the majority of comics fans ... who are, you know, in their 30s.

God bless, Geoff Johns. He's found a way to mask his lack of talent with mediocre power fantasies that involve easy-to-follow, color-coded, emotion-flavored "Otter Pops" that appeal to the man-child. Not to mention those kitschy little plastic rings you'd find in supermarket bubblegum machines. ('Cause don't you know? Man-children just LOVE those.)

*shaking head*

For all the damage that's been done by Mr. Johns, at least I'm safe in the knowledge I can always re-read my spectacular 80s GL run...

Anonymous said...

You know something i'll never understand is people wasting time bashing something they don't like just because they have nothing better to do. There are plenty of comics and stories I don't like yet I don't waste one more second thinking about it because it's a waste of time kinda like this post oh never mind.

snell said...

"Waste one more second" implies you actually spent a second in critical thought...not likely.

Mr. Philoctetes Digressius (aka L. E. McKenna) said...

I swear to the gods that I went to The Outer Limits yesterday (Murfreesboro, TN), and THEY WERE SELLING THOSE PLASTIC COLOR-CODED LANTERN RINGS THAT THEM MENBOYS LOVE SO MUCH! But, by god, they were "On Sale" (of course, everything's "on sale" in the store, or, at least, "for sale," or aren't "on sale" and "for sale" just salesman tricks with synonymous phraseology?), FOR AN ENTIRE DOLLAR INSTEAD OF TWENTY-FIVE CENTS! I just stuck with my Goon comic.

Happy Thanksgiving, all.