Friday, November 4, 2016

Rhyme Crime!

Look, when the monkey's paw gives me control of DC Comics, there's gonna be some changes.

First and foremost: Enough with the goddamn rhyming!!

A few years ago, I made clear my disdain for continuing to have Etrigan rhyme, even though he no longer had the rank that required him to rhyme.

Mainly, though, there's the fact that--sorry, esteemed authors--most comic writers seem to be pretty damn terrible at writing in verse.

And then there is this week's Green Lanterns #10, wherein we get the Phantom Ring and the Phantom Lantern and--impossible as it is to believe--yet another riff on the Green Lantern oath:

Greta Rao, will you people just stop already?!?

That's so bad, Alfred Bester is spinning in his grave. (And yes, I'm aware that Bester may not have actually written the first use of "In brightest day..." Regardless, that above doggerel is so bad, all dead writers are spinning in their graves)

Seriously--just knock it off, guys.


Warren JB said...

"Mainly, though, there's the fact that--sorry, esteemed authors--most comic writers seem to be pretty damn terrible at writing."

Fixed that for you. Fnar fnar.

"I am... the PHANTOM LANTERN!"

Goodnight, everybody.

Okay, I'll bite. What's a phantom lantern, what's his deal, and why isn't he a colour?

Smurfswacker said...

At least this one scans. This is rare in comics doggerel. Not to mention catterel.

SallyP said...

I am rather fond of Hal's oath... just because it is so comic-booky, but seriously... Phantom Lantern?


snell said...


The "Phantom Ring" was created by Volthoom, the evil "First Lantern." It encompasses *all* the other colors--the wearer can wield the powers of any or all of the Colored Corps.

Arynne said...

Hey, when John Byrne dropped the rhyming shtick during his run, I remember people complaining about that. A-hem...

"Stinging tears doth cloud my vision as I harken to a golden time,
When the Demon known as Etrigan would bust forth with funky rhyme.
But those times they are all over now, gone forever more,
Never shall he speak in rhyming verse penned by Alans Grant and Moore,
Yes, those times they are all over now, they moonwalked out the door.

"But fear not, noble listener, all is not completely lost,
Byrne and Pfeifer’s BLOOD OF THE DEMON is not an utter holocaust.
Jason Blood is especially vicious, lopping off heads when not crucified,
Tis blood, tis gore, tis violence, but not a Mature Readers tag to be spied,
Had I read this book as a youngster, I believe I surely would have cried.

"The prose it is quite common, from a silly, little man,
Who spends time blasting others on his website because he can.
But Pfeifer makes tight word balloons, and guides the erstwhile reader,
Through a mystery about a mixed up curse that kept money in the attention meter,
Yes Pfeifer’s skill with words doth cause Byrne’s ego to shrink and peter.

"Though the taint of past indiscretions shall torment Byrne like Lucifer,
It will take much more than this to forgo his creation Crucifer.
The art 'tis crisp, the story 'tis fun, dare I say sublime,
Despite the fact that one of its writers is obliviously past his prime,
Tis sad though, for the Demon, that he had to lose his rhyme."