And the verdict is...
WAIT!!
Wait...this was a trial for
first degree murder. Why in the hell
wouldn't an autopsy have been performed?!? As a defense attorney whose case hinged on it being an accident, why did Batman wait until
after the trial to notice/care that there had been no autopsy?!? Good gosh, Batman, you are a
terrible lawyer!!
Shouldn't you have done that
before closing arguments? You know, as evidence
DURING the trial? I'm just saying...you suck!!
"
Why didn't I notice this before?" Maybe because there was no autopsy? Or you're an idiot who probably shouldn't have a special exemption to practice law everywhere?
Fair point. But the judge ain't buying it yet...
And what about the lie detector?
Oh, so that explains the lie detector...
huh?
Look, the android spent an entire night underwater in the river, presumably some time in the morgue, and at least several days underground. Why would her
"internal temperature" still be 104.2?!?!? And
my internal temperature is 98.6, even during a Michigan winter--am I really from the dessert?!?
Wait...
what?!?!?!?
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!
So, to summarize--a race of alien androids with no right thumbs (no explanation is ever given) is playing some crazy-ass chess game that effects real people, but one of them cheated so they executed her and replaced
Lana Lang with her and...
WHAT?!?!?!
Anyway,
Supes routs the androids, and...
Well, it's not such a mystery, right? We know the jury was
11-1 in favor of conviction earlier, and it doesn't seem likely that 11 changed their votes so quickly, especially given the craptacular defense Batman put on.
And let's not think of all the crime committed while Superman and Batman were tied up in the farce that never should have happened if anybody had done an autopsy....
That's it. Thank you for putting up with this the past two days!!
From Lois Lane #100 (1970)
8 comments:
The incredible trail of logic in this installment was the most awesome thing I've read in days. Bravo to the comic's writer for BSing so thoroughly, and bravo to you for posting it.
I'm convinced that Robert Kanigher and Bob Haney had a long-running game of "Can You Top This?" to see whose stories could make the least sense.
Wow.
Among many other things, this gives me some idea why Marvel took first place in sales around this time.
And now to throw a bit of darkness onto this incredibly silly story...
Okay, so the cover dates to Lois Lane #99 and #100 were February and April of 1970. (Apparently, the book was monthly, but didn't put out issues in March, June, or December, according to comics.org.) And comics usually came out a few months before their cover date back then, so the first part would have been written late in 1969.
Now, Lois was accused of driving her car (with Lana inside) off a bridge, then escaping from the sinking car, leaving Lana behind to drown, and not reporting the incident to anyone afterwards... which sounds more than a bit like the July 1969 incident in Chappaquiddick involving Ted Kennedy.
Given the time frame (the Lois Lane issues would most likely have been written within a few months of the Chappaquiddick incident)... did Bob Kanigher *intentionally* use that as the basis for the story? Or was it just coincidence? (I'm sure that wouldn't be the only time a similar incident might have occurred, but it's also certainly one of the most (in)famous, especially at the time...)
Um... yeah. Sorry about that; I know this was supposed to be making fun of some Silver Age stupidity, but... yikes. Or am I just reading *way* too much into this...?
Wait, what? The aliens were controlling everyone? Even Batman and Superman? Is that why they were so stupid during the trial?
I don't get it.
Batman was just showing out. The guy knew everything the entire time.
Y'know, I can't even say for sure that this was more nonsensical than modern comics; and it didn't cost five bucks an issue. Told today, this would easily have taken four issues, at least.
The verdict was not guilty. Because Batman. The jury's vote turned into a popularity contest, picking Bats over Supes, regardless of any evidence.
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