Monday, January 26, 2015

Manic Monday Bonus--So, Which Hero Is The Most Valuable Crook?

How to amuse yourself in the days before EBay:

Oh, you stupid crooks.

Anyway, for once this scene actually does happen inside the comic book! Small-time punk Peter Rickets has stumbled upon a scientific device which gives him the ability to completely control anyone mentally--even the Justice League Of America!!

Well, instead of offing them right away, he decides to auction them off to the nation's underworld leaders, who can then use them to commit crimes for them!! Hence our (surprisingly) accurate cover!

Ah, but to heck with the story. My question is this: Which hero do you think received the highest bids? Who would be, among the hypnotized JLA (Batman and Superman are off "on a mission in Dimension X"), the best "tool" for a criminal to use?

Me, I tend toward J'onn Jonzz. After all, he has the basic Superman power set, PLUS invisibility, PLUS intangibility, PLUS shape-shifting, PLUS telepathy...pretty much the perfect skills for theivery, right? He can look like anybody, walk through walls, read minds...and if there's trouble, he can fly and beat the crap out of people. Sure, there's the pesky fire problem, but you have to think that fire is a lot less common than, say, yellow.

And, given the company, Green Arrow or Aquaman had to attract the lowest bids, am I right?

Sadly, we never learn the actual amounts these nogoodniks bid in their auction, so I guess it's for all of us to decide on our own who would the most valuable to the lords of crime.

Of course, if instead of selling them individually, you sold them as a unit, you could run one hell of a criminal scheme...send them out as an Ocean's Six, as it were.

Damn, that's a fine idea. That had better be the basis of the Justice League movie...

From Justice League of America #8 (1962)


Sina said...
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Sina said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sina said...

Re: "Of course, sold them as a unit, you could run one hell of a criminal scheme...That had better be the basis of the Justice League movie."

Yeah right, because the last thing that I want to see is another stupid, boring, violent, angsty, retarded "hero becomes villain/hero is viewed and treated as villain-outcast by society/hero 'doesn't want to be a hero'" storyline :#

Seriously, somewhere along the line someone somewhere decided that "villains are more interesting than heroes, they're so much more complex, let's write about them and their violences and their disdain for basic humanity instead" :I

The "villain as the centerpiece" hook can be pulled off effectively when handled well, and has been done so quite nicely in cartoon shows like 'Megamind' and 'Despicable Me', but central to those storylines are the over-arching concepts of *redemption* and the inherent capacity for *good* to be found within all of those capable of human emotion, thought and action :I you see the difference?

I just finished Superman/Batman: Enemy Among Us and it showcased the worst of those traits in choosing to promote completely egotistical anti-social behaviours as completely acceptable with little-to-no negative consequences to either yourself or those around you whatsoever in honouring/respecting/glorifying men like Lex Luthor (with a respectful nod from Bruce Wayne/Batman himself, to fucking boot...WHAT THE EFFIN' FUCK!??!?!) while vilifying heroes like Martian Manhunter and Superman himself (nevermind Green Lantern and the "I was only evil because it was controlling me through my alien ring" cop-out...which is shown at the story's end to be *false*, judging by their take-over of Jimmy Olsen :S).

It is this type of blatant xenophobia that I dislike most of all about modern incarnations of Superman, the supposed fear of him because he's "powerful and different" as opposed to the great glorious symbol of goodness that he chooses to remind us exists within all of us, human or otherwise..."if just one man can stand tall, there must be some hope for us all, somewhere in the spirit of Man", to paraphrase a discofied version of H.G. Welles :P

(Nevermind a glaring plothole in 'Enemy Among Us' that you could drive a jet plane through in the aliens mind-controlling so many different species from so many different galaxies just so it could eradicate humanity...if they could do that, then why didn't they just mind-control the human inhabitants of Earth itself and make them destroy each other/themselves? So much easier that way, plus they never gave any indication of Humanity's innate immunity to their control, and they even end up *taking control of some/most of them near the end anyways*!!!! Stupid...)

Sorry, snell, but I don't want to watch a movie like this :(

Sina said...

PS: forgive my first two posts, lol, my keyboard acted up and posted before I was done, so I just deleted them :P

OTL said...

Personally, I'd feel bad for whoever ended up buying Green Lantern.

"Green Lantern, go rob that bank!"

*Green Lantern walks into a wall, knocking himself out*

"Dammit, GL."

SallyP said...

Yep, hal would be pretty darned useless.

notintheface said...

The cover does make an accurate assumption that Flash would sell first. (Even though J'onn would probably be the better pick.)