Wednesday, October 4, 2017

The Most Accurate Comic Book Depiction Of How Comic Books Are Produced!!

Well, this going to be interesting...

We're going to get mighty self-referential here, methinks.

You may recall that Timely Comics, much more than most of their competitors, were fervently anti-Nazi in their covers and stories.

So it's fascinating that, in this Timely Comic, we meet the (assuredly fictional) publisher of a line of (completely made up) anti-Nazi comics:

And then he's murdered...

And in a fairly gruesome bit:


Years before KISS or Mark Gruenwald--comics in blood!!

Well, this makes big headlines.

The publisher's brother, now running the company, vows to keep up the anti-Nazi crusade!

But the writer? Not so committed...

Fortunately, many writers in the industry were bold enough to take up the challenge!!

Well, not so much.

The Angel (a.k.a. Thomas Halloway) seizes the opportunity to pose as a comic writer, to flush out the fiend!

Now we get to see a comic script actually being written, and an editor not-really editing!


But lo and behold, the editor is murdered, too!

Well, Holloway is captured, along with the publisher and artist, and put into a death trap, because comics:

And the big reveal: the culprit is the writer!!


And so begins the most accurate depiction of the production of comics in history:






OMG!!




Well, they manage to get out of the descending death trap...and the Angel pursues the Nazi through the comic production area...







Given the death threats and outcry after Captain America punched out Hitler on the cover, you really have to wonder if any of this was sub rosa commentary on real personalities and conflicts in the industry at the time...

From Sub-Mariner Comics #2 (1941)

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Grey Hulk's Response To A Female Doctor Who...?

Grey Hulk has been poisoned!! He can't find a cure!! He smashes into a convention center in Phoenix, where Reed Richards is giving a speech, hoping that the genius can help him!

Also there--Ben Grimm, just a normal human at this point in time, and Sharon Ventura, a.k.a. Ms Marvel and/or She-Thing, who has been transformed into...well, a Thing. It was a very weird time in FF history...

Ah, but Banner was unaware of these changes, so he thinks...well:

Oh, Grey Hulk...




Ms. Marvel dissuades Hulk of his sexist notions...


Oh, Peter David...

Oh, there are more digs:

Hey, when you're right, you're right--that was a really stupid costume.

And when powerless Ben Grimm leaps into the fray:

Ouch. Get personal, why don't you?

From Incredible Hulk #365 (1990)

And Then There Was That Time Ben Grimm Was On Conan O'Brien!!

Because it's been a couple of minutes since I've bitched about the Fantastic Four's continued absence, let's have Ben Grimm talk to us about the FF's raison d'ĂȘtre:



Please forward this to everyone who said the FF "needed a rest" and "there are no more FF stories to tell."

From Fantastic Four #543 (2007)

Monday, October 2, 2017

Manic Monday Triple Overtime--Pixies Were Stricter In The Golden Age!!

And you thought Nazis were the worst menace in Europe during WWII.

We join our story in the nation of "Jugoslavia":



What the? Who...?


Yes, that's how princesses dress in Jugoslavia.

Also, they can't afford pants for their sentries.

And Santa Claus is the King of Jugoslavia, apparently...


Pixies? Really?

Apparently, they are very tough pixies.

How was this nation not already overrun by the Axis?!?

Anyhoo, Rockman is on the job. And although he is initially overwhelmed...

...eventually he manages to deal with them in high-slapstick fashion!


And we still had room for a little romance!

The Golden Age!! 

From USA Comics #3 (1942)

Manic Monday Bonus--Bartenders Were Stricter In The Golden Age

OK, so these two mooks invented a fictional mastermind--the Brain--who they said thought up all their gang's plans, and everyone had to give him a cut. See, they did it so they could just pocket "Brain's" cut for themselves.

Clearly, they weren't brains themselves, because eventually the other gang members wanted to meet the secret boss. What to do?!?

Well, they found a dummy dressed as a college professor--really!!--and they were going to a) pass him off as the Brain, and b) use the lifeless "body" to frame Green Lantern for murder.

These days, that would be a 12-issue arc.

Anyway, they leave the "body" sitting at a bar...






Geez Louize, you DO NOT screw with bartenders in Gotham City!!

Of course, that same tough bartender immediately lies and whines about his "crime":


Suffice it to say, the plan was a failure, and the adventure ultimate had Doiby Dickles putting on the cap and gown and getting mistaken for the Brain and...

OK, today it would be a 18-issue arc between two different titles and various one-off tie-ins...

From Comic Cavalcade #11 (1945)

Manic Monday--Colleges Were Very Strict In The Golden Age!!

In case you have problems with today's universities and their codes of conduct...

Holliday College would straight up ground you for eating candy in class.

No word on their policy if they caught you drinking sodas...

From Comic Cavalcade #11 (1945)

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Diana Prince's Loooooong Taxi Ride!

Diana Prince is taking a taxi ride, when she gets an urgent message.

So, she has time to change clothes...

...climb into her invisible plane...

...fly all the way to "Reform Island" (that's where the Amazons kept their criminals.)...

...have a brief discussion of loving submission...

...investigate the Cheetah's absence and conclude that she killed herself...

...fly back to the States, but get ambushed by the Cheetah...

...stop off at a police station...

...and catch back up to the cab...

...all before the cabbie even notices that she's gone!!!

That was a) a terribly long cab ride, and b) a terribly unobservant cab driver.

From Comic Cavalcade #11 (1945)

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Nick Fury's Freaky Vacation!!

If you having been reading the Nick Fury miniseries, well, than you've been missing stuff like this:


Click on those panels to embiggen them to full-pyschedelic style...

In case you're wondering, Nick Fury Jr was trying to take a vacation, but ended up in a Potemkin village used to train assassins, so he had to fight the entire town. Because comics.

This trippy little mini-series was from James Robinson (writer), Aco (pencils), Hugo Petrus (inks) and Rachelle Rosenberg (colors). And man, it is head-trippingly good. Like the issue where Fury had surgery to temporarily make him an Atlantean because there was a Hydra spy in Atlantis and Namor wouldn't accept help from S.H.I.E.L.D. but the process would only work for 3 hours and then Attuma showed up and...

Or you get the second best train fight ever:


You know, I didn't think it was possible to get me to like Nick Fury Jr., but these cats did.

The series is done--it was just 6 issues--and I heartily recommend you seek it out when it hits trade, or ends up in discount bins, or when Comixology has a sale.

Also, that Aco guy? I think he's a keeper. Maybe we could chip in to buy him a full name...?

From Nick Fury #3 & #5 (2017)