Sunday, January 4, 2015

The Real Reason Germany Lost WWII--Stupidly Designed Giant Robots!!

Davy is always getting picked on by the guys in his unit, because he's kind of a runt:

But their Sarge reminds them of another time a runt made good:

Well, Davy is on point as they move out...when:

Holy Hannah, a giant Nazi robot!!

Of course, this is all Hitler's master plan!!

Hmm, maybe naming him Goliath was a bad idea, dude.

But whatever his name, giant Nazi robot soldier is tough!! Planes can't stop him!

Mortar fire can't stop him!

Minefields can't stop him!!


Even the clever ploy of riding a windmill so you can put a bazooka in his face...doesn't stop him!

Sadly, this last gambit kills the Sarge, who has some parting advice for Davy:

Hey. let's try drowning it!!


Well, that worked swell!! End of giant Nazi robot menace!

D'oh!!

Well, I guess Hitler wins WWII now...

No, Davy, there is no physical law of the universe demanding that everything have a "weak spot." That's not the way things work.

Why not just accept that the Nazis have built an unstoppable death machine, and start learning German?



Yes, that will work...


Wait--that DID work? Seriously?


Down goes Goliath! Down goes Goliath!!!

Bonus: this made Hitler very sad!

Maybe, Adolf, just maybe, you should have designed a robot without a weak spot. Maybe you shouldn't have put the most crucial component in the least protected area. Or sprung for the dough to put heavier shielding on the feet.

So much for German engineering...

From Weird War Tales #6 (1972)

Saturday, January 3, 2015

You WILL Believe In The Ghost-Breaker!!

Because I love a good self-referential cover, and because I also love the "infinite regression" cover, allow me to give you two treats in one, with the cover of Ghosts #100 (1981):

Ah, but the self-reference hasn't stopped yet...look at the splash page:

Hey, they're allowed to celebrate. Just imagine a comc book reaching issue #100 these days...

But yes, that is Terry Thirteen, a.k.a. Dr. 13. Why is he here? Well, he was in the middle of a brief 7-issue stint in the pages of Ghosts.

If you don't know who Dr. 13 is, well, shame on you (and shame on DC). He started waaay back in 1951, in Star Spangled Comics #151, as a skeptical parapsychologist out to prove that all ghost stories are false. When we finally got his origin, we see young Terry learn that many of his ancestors had been executed for "practicing magic," when they were really trying to advance science.

So Terry made a pact with his father to debunk the supernatural, and to prove that there was always a rational explanation behind spiritual events. He became Scully without a Mulder, a one man Scooby Doo gang, proving that ghost and ghoul haunting were really hoaxes.

Which made this placement for his series a bit odd. You have a comic whose cover usually headlined that "You WILL Believe In Ghosts..."

...having a cover star whose raison d'Etre is ensuring that you don't believe in ghosts!

Yeah, that's a great logo.

Of course, DC had kind of lost Doc XIII's mission when they began to integrate him into the DC Universe proper.

In stand-alone stories, it's perfectly acceptable for him to be a skeptic, and to have every "ghost" he encounters be a scam.

But as readers of DC Comics, we KNOW that characters like the Phantom Stranger and the Spectre are real (within that universe). So when Terry 13 starts hanging around those guys yet still insists that they're fakes, he's violating the rules of suspension of disbelief for that particular universe. The reader knows that he is wrong, and this ruins his credibility as a likeable character. He stops looking like a rational skeptic and more like the idiot who won't believe the plain facts in front of his face:

The skeptic aspect of Dr. 13 kept shriveling away over the years, until the nu52 made him into an actual ghost-buster, a man who believes in the supernatural and hunts them down, a family tradition. Sigh...

Friday, January 2, 2015

Friday Night Fights--Mister Bowie Style!!

Past meets Future in this week's Friday Night Fights!!

Let's start with...The Batman Of The 21st Century:

For the record, this is sometime after 2045, the "nuclear apocalypse." And this Batman has one rule: no guns allowed in New York City. (It's a long story).

Meanwhile, dudes who aren't fond of this Batman have conspired to fool a time-lost Jonah Hex (!?!) into thinking that Batman is kidnapping girls (including a pal of Hex's) and making snuff films:

So, a gunman stalking New York, looking for the guy who hates guns. Methinks there will be fireworks:






















KARAASH!!!

Spacebooger is pretty sure that "our" Batman would never get pwned that way.

A Brave & The Bold story gone mad is from Hex #11 (1986), script by Michael Fleisher, pencils by Marx Texeira, inks by Carlos Garzon and Pablo Marcos

Now is the time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? If I win, maybe I'll show you more of The 21st Century Batman!! So go vote!!


Thursday, January 1, 2015

Never, Ever Play Pool With Susan Richards

Hey, everyone's just chillin' at the Baxter Building...





The Invisible Woman--pool hustler!!

From Incredible Hulk #417 (1994)