It's
no secret that my favorite comic of all time is the
Fantastic Four. And it's also no secret that I'm
not particularly thrilled with
the way that
Millar and
Hitch are handling my foursome.
First, there's the
dour, dank and
depressing art. This is the Fantastic Four, for heaven's sake!! Things should, at least on occasion, be
bright and colorful, right?!? Not so. With the artwork by Bryan Hitch and assorted inkers, and colors by
Paul Mounts, the Fantastic Four have become the
Fotorealistic Four, or the
Fairlymonochromatic Four. Everything is
washed out and
drab, as if photographed through a damn filter. During this run, have we had a single scene set during daylight hours? (Please don't respond--I know the answer is yes--
but...). Everything takes place at
night, or in
dimly lit rooms, or on
glum and overcast days, or in a snow storm. This is the FF, by thunder,
Marvel's first family, the
World's Greatest Comic Magazine, "
adventurers, explorers and imaginauts"...would it kill them to at least go out in the
sunshine once? To actually have some color and excitement? Just looking at the pages these days--regardless of what is happening--is damn near sleep inducing. And that
stinks.
And then there are Millar's plots, which manage to be both
terribly predictable and
terribly boring. I think that he thinks he's being
awfully clever, but he telegraphs his punchlines months ahead of time, and what he plans to be big "
ta-da!" moments turn out to be "uh, we figured that out several issues ago, sir" moments. Example: in the first storyline of his run, we're given an artificial replica of Earth being created in a parallel dimension, for when our Earth becomes uninhabitable. The next storyline features the "
New Defenders" come from the future, seeking refuge for the 8 billion inhabitants of depleted Earth 2509, and planning to move them all onto contemporary Earth. Now, it seems pretty obvious that you're going to give this "
Nu-World" to them, right? This was clear from minute number 1, no? Apparently
not, as Millar spent five issues pretending that
no one could figure out the only possible resolution.
And then there is the "
Death of The Invisible Woman" storyline, in which we're introduced to an elderly
Susan Richards come from that future...yet somehow we're not supposed to know immediately that the
future Sue is the one who is going to die, as Millar continues to give interviews pretending that it's the present-day Sue who's going to kick the bucket. Perhaps he believes his audience is
too stupid to figure out the obvious answer to his silly conundrum. No stupider than the rest of the Fantastic Four, I suppose, as we're supposed to believe that
none of them recognized future Sue. Apparently, someone who looks sixty bears
absolutely no resemblance whatsoever to someone in their forties (must be all the
dim lighting Hitch and Mounts are giving them).
But the
capper came this week, as it becomes apparent that Millar has
absolutely no idea how to write
Doctor Doom. There's certainly room for variations, for slightly skewed takes on the good Doctor. But there's also a certain baseline, you would think.
But in this week's
FF #562 (
only 3 months late!!),
Reed goes to visit
Von Doom, who is being held in the Hague awaiting a trial for crimes against humanity:
It's
obvious what Millar was trying to do here--he wants to impress us about how
scary forthcoming
Villain X is, by showing that
even Victor is in awe of his power.
Bendis tried the same tactic (and I can't believe I'm saying this, but he did it much better!) with the mysterious "figure behind the door" in
Purple Reign #1.But...but...whereas in PR Doom sat silently, here he praises villain X as his "
master," as "
the one who taught me everything I know." Which, of course, is never,
never,
never how
Victor Von Doom would do it. Ever.
This is Victor Von Doom, who, when confronted with the
near-infinite power of the
Beyonder, didn't grovel or declare him "master"--he decided to
seize that power for
himself!! This is Doctor Doom, who is willing to face off against
Galactus, his heralds,
Mephisto. With any being of such power as Doom describes Villain X, can there be
any doubt that the lord of
Latveria would simply try to seize the power for himself?
And note (from Doom's origin in
FF Annual #2 (1964)):
Doom clearly didn't learn "
everything he knew" from Villain X (unless, of course, he had been one of the monks...hmmmm). And when Doom learned from you, he surpassed you, and became
your master--not vice versa!!
And especially in front of Reed Richards--would Victor acknowledge
any being to be his superior? Admit indebtedness to him for knowledge? Even as a ruse. Doom's
ego wouldn't let him do that.
So thanks, Mark Millar, for reducing Doctor Doom to
the
Darth Vader to Villain X's
Darth Sidious, for turning Marvel's
greatest villain into a
lackey. Well played.
Oh, and by the way...if you're holding Doom prisoner, wouldn't you at
least make him take off the
damned armor? Hell, let him keep the mask--although that's a pretty
terrible idea:
...but for crying out loud put him in
prison wear and get rid or the armor!! I'm just saying...
And thus commences a mostly silent fight scene...
Wait a minute!! Silent fight scene? This is Friday Night Fights: KA-POW!!! You're supposed to have massive sounds!!
Oh, dear.
And thus commences a mostly silent fight scene...
Wait a minute!! Silent fight scene? This is Friday Night Fights: KA-POW!!! You're supposed to have massive sounds!!
Oh, dear.
