Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Dial E For Eternity--The Heroes (And Villains) Of Fiction!!

I realize that there are only so many stories you can tell.

But the previous story, in this very same comic book, had Kid Eternity helping a woman find a treasure hidden by her now-deceased brother.

So, what does the very next story in the very same comic bring us?

The. Exact. Same. Plot.

Some editors just didn't care, it seems, as long as they filled the pages.

Of course, Kid and Keeper see the couple in need...

And just like last story, Kid misses the obvious solution--summon the dead person who hid the treasure, and ask them where it is!!

But that would end the story on page 2, so instead he calls upon...

Kaspar Hauser?!?

Kaspar was a real person, a child who appeared in a German town under mysterious circumstances, and lead a life full of odd (and perhaps unbelievable) circumstances. One of the true oddball and unfathomable characters of history, about whom we will likely never know the truth.

So why summon him?

Hmmm...none of the sources I looked at mentioned this "power." Still, Kaspar was weird enough that it's not outside the realm of possibility that he claimed this ability, so...

Well, that wasn't a lot of help. Plus, it kind of blew the theme of summoning fictional characters this story!!

Even worse, the mocking villagers overheard, and...

Well, that's gonna be trouble.

Still, summoning the dead grandfather is clearly the way to go here...but Kid can't do things the easy way.

Sherlock Holmes!! This is his second summons!!

And he's pretty damned good at finding treasure!

Well, that's all, folks!!

No, of course not. Kid leaves Mark and Lily to find the treasure for themselves, and for no particular reason...

...he just happens to decide to look in on some crooks in the big city, who just happen to be the same crooks who Squire Humdrum sent for, and they just happen to have left a note saying where they all went, and...

Look, I never said it was a well-written story.

Anyway, Kid needs help to hunt down the crooks, so...


Now, Kid specifies he's from James Fenimore Cooper's novel, which is an important distinction, because while there was a real Uncas, upon whom Cooper may have based the character, he confused the Mohegan tribe with the Mahicans, so his Uncas really couldn't have been the real one. So this one is definitely a fictional character.

Cooper may have been confused, but Uncas does track down the crooks...

So Kid helps Mark get the treasure...

...but only so they can be attacked by the crooks!!

Man, that coloring sure makes it look like Kid took a bullet to the head!

Anyway, you have to fight a band of criminals, who better to call...

...than a band of pirates! Led by Long John Silver!!

And when the crooks try to get away?!?

The Four Musketeers!! For Porthos and D'artagnan, it's their second summons!! And welcome to the afterlife party, Aramis and Athos!!

Of course, they rout the hooligans...

Still, Squire humdrum got away.

But you turns out that pirates are the wrong people to call upon to help you save treasure!

Oops! Who woulda thought?

Easily dealt with though.

Now it's time for Kid to impress mere mortals with his amazing powers:

Robinson Crusoe! And he makes a fairly ridiculous discovery!

Seriously--you recognize his footprints? I mean, come on now!

But he's right, and Humdrum has descended straight to cartoon villainy:

Fortunately, Kid has called upon...

The Thief Of Bagdad?!?

There are lots of versions of the tale, of course. But I'm betting that the multiple Oscar winning 1940 film was in the creators mind when they made this story. And in that version, Abu was the thief. So let's go with Abu.

But we're not done, as Kid goes nuts with the fictional dudes:


Frankenstein's Monster!! And Edward Hyde!!

But the weirdest summons is...

Jimmy Skunk?!?! Yes, an anthropomorphic skunk, created by Thornton Burgess, creator of Peter Rabbit.

What the hell--Kid can summon anthropomorphic animals now? Can he summon Bugs Bunny?!?! That would resolve a lot of problems!!

Well, Squire Humdrum surrenders himself after the tidal wave of threatening fictional characters...

...and all in all it was just another day at the office for Kid Eternity!!

You did call Don Quixote already, Kid--isn't anyone keeping track?!?! It's a good thing I am, I guess...

Speaking of keeping track--after the 31st story, our standings are;

Abu 1
Achilles 3
Antony, Marc 1
Aramis 1
Arnold, Benedict 1
Arthur, King 2
Athos 1
Atlas 2
Attila The Hun 1
Attucks, Crispin 1
Baker, Lafayette 1
Barry's father 1
Bernhardt, Sarah 1
Bertillon, Alphonse 1
Blackhawk 1
Bluebeard 1
Boone, Daniel 1
Breitbart, Zishe 1
Bucephalus 1
Bunyan, Paul 2
Byron, George Gordon 1
Caesar, Octavian 1
Cagliostro, Alessandro 1
Canary, Martha “Calamity” 1
Cannon, John W. 1
Carden, Foster 1
Cherry Sisters 1
Clancy, Patrick 1
Cody, “Buffalo” Bill 2
Colt, Samuel 1
Columbus 1
Corbett, Jim 3
Cronson, Gerald 1
Crusoe, Robinson 1
Custer, George Armstrong 1
D'artagnan 2
de Leon, Ponce 1
Decatur, Stephen 1
Discus Thrower 1
Dockstader, Lew 1
Dracula 1
Drake, Sir Francis 1
Dupin, C. Auguste 1
Edison, Thomas 1
Emery 1
Ericson, Leif 2
Frankenstein's Monster 1
Galahad 1
Gotch, Frank 1
Grant, Ulysses S. 1
Greb, Harry 1
Griffiths, Albert 1
Hatfield, John 1
Hauser, Kaspar 1
Henry, Patrick 1
Hercules 1
Hickok, Wild Bill 1
Hippocrates 1
Holmes, Sherlock 2
Houdini 2
Hyde, Edward 1
Hyer, Tom 1
Jackson, Andrew 1
Javert 1
Jeffries, Jim 1
Jones, John Paul 1
Khan, Genghis 1
Kidd, William 1
Lafayette, General 1
Lancelot 1
Laughing Cavalier 1
Leander 2
Lee, Robert E. 1
Leonidas 1
Lincoln, Abraham 1
Marable, Fate 1
Mercury 3
Milo Of Croton 1
Mulgrew, Jason 1
Murphy, Charles 1
Napoleon 1
Nation, Carrie 1
Nightingale, Florence 1
Noah 1
Nobody 1
Nostradamus 1
O'Brien, David 1
Osceola 1
Paddock, Charley 1
Penelope 1
Pheidippides 1
Pinkerton, Allan 1
Plastic Man 1
Porthos 2
Prometheus 1
Quixote, Don 1
Revere, Paul 1
Rin-Tin-Tin 1
Robin Hood 2
Russell, Lillian 1
Rustum 1
Ryan, Paddy 1
Samson 2
Sandow, Eugen 1
Schleyer, Johann 1
Siegfried 1
Silver, Long John 1
Skunk, Jimmy 1
Socrates 1
Solomon 1
Sullivan, John L. 2
Tell, William 1
Thor 1
Thurston, Howard 1
Tiglath IV 1
Tut-ankh-amen 1
Twain, Mark 1
Ulysses 1
Uncas 1
Vercingetorix 1
Vulcan 1
Washington, George 2
Webster, Daniel 1
Xanthippe 1
Zbyzko, Stanislaus 1

NEXT--Viva la revoluciĆ³n!!

From Kid Eternity #4 (1947)

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