Thursday, September 18, 2014

Top Ten Better Ways That Marvel Could Have Done Away With Older Nick Fury!

OK, OK, I know that you're tired of my ranting about Original Sin and the transformation of Nick Fury into a genocidal douchebag who killed the Watcher for no particular reason and ended up chained to the moon's surface by unexplained parties/means in order to become "The Unseen," doomed to watch Earth forever in Uatu's place.

Yes, it really was that stupid.

As we've discussed previously, the probable motive for this bit of putrid stupidity was to remove older Nick Fury from the scene, so newer-looks-sorta-like-Samuel-L-Jackson Nick Fury can shine on his own (even though Marvel hasn't done a single interesting thing with the character since introducing him, and there seems to be no prospect for that changing in the near future).

Now, I'm no comic book writer--indeed, I'm specifically baneed from writing comics by various international treaties--but even if I agreed with the need to eliminate old Fury, I can come up with a whole lotta better solutions off the top of my head. Lots and lots.

Therefore, in my vary last comment about Original Sin [author's note: kvetching about Dum Dum Dugan is still allowed] allow me to present the following list:

From the home office in Kalamazoo, Michigan:

The Top 10 Ways Marvel Could Have "Gotten Rid" Of The Elder Nick Fury Without Making Him A Genocidal Bastard And Chaining Him To The Moon To Be The "New Watcher":

10. Give him a heroic death. Duh.

9. Nick Fury and The X-Men. Who better to replace Wolverine? Double duh.

8. Loan the character to Lionsgate for Expendables 4. C'mon, you know you'd pay to see it...

7. Instead of killing him, put him in a brand new book with his son--a buddy action/comedy, as old white Nick Fury tries to teach young black Nick Fury how to be a proper super spy in a bunch of rollicking adventures!

6. Have Fury transported to the past, to train George Washington's troop how to fight the British

5. Have Fury transported to the future to help the Guardians Of The Galaxy 3000 fight the Badoon.

4. Have Fury (and all the Howling Commandos) transported to Limbo in order to hold back Ragnarok (yeah, yeah, I know, it's been done)

3. Have Fury become Marvel's version of Astro City's The Old Solider. To quote Wikipedia: "A symbolic, legendary figure clad in martial attire of many eras who manifests in wartime, including 1863, 1898, 1918, 1944, 1959, when he assisted Honor Guard against Shirak, October 1972, when he intervened against U.S. soldiers in Vietnam, and 1975, at the fall of Saigon." Man, that would be too cool...

2. Have him wake up on The Prisoner's island of "retired" spies. ("I'm not a number, I'm Nick freakin' Fury!!") Seriously, this might be the best idea ever...

1. OK, this one is kind of crazy--how about trusting your readers to understand and handle the concept that you can have a father and son alive at the same time, who have the same name? It's not like Marvel is 21st century DC, who is afraid to death of legacy characters, is it? If we can handle Ms. Marvel and Captain Marvel at the same time, than maybe--just maybe--we can wrap our tiny brains around Nick Fury and Nick Fury Jr? I'm just sayin'...


Max said...

I have only spectated ("watched" from afar, ha-ha!) as far as this latest "event" is concerned, and yeah: I am not interested in a Marvel Universe where these are things that have supposedly happened. Yuck.

Jason Glor said...

I know you're joking about #7, but I actually think a "Fury and Fury" father son team-up title would be great. There's so much to explore there, and I don't think anything like that has been done before by Marvel. Make it mostly serious, with just a little lightheartedness, and I think it would be a great read.

Simon Dyer said...

#7 sounds like a pretty obvious decision given Marvel Now's current output. A father and son spy story in a universe full of superheroes, magic and aliens sounds perfectly at home with Kamala Khan or the current She-Hulk run.

SallyP said...

Any one of these rather spiffy ideas would have been better than what they came up with.