Plow That Metaphor Deep, Boys

"War is hell" isn't a sufficient enough simile, apparently.

Because during the history of war comics, practically every other "war is like ..." metaphor has been used.

Few, though, were as persistently bludgeoned into our heads as is this story from Our Army At War #271 (1974), by Bob Kanigher and Russ Heath.

As they trudged through an extremely cold winter to prevent the Germans from blowing up a damn, Easy Company is joined by two new "greenies," Pvt. Krull and PFC Rankin. And what do they talk about the whole march?

Relax. That's the first panel, kids...this metaphor is going to get pounded for the 12 pages...

When 3 of the company die from landmines:

Yeah, I'd be about ready to put a bullet in Krull right now, too.

But wait, there's more: when Easy is pinned down by some Nazi entrenched in a gully, they take the out with...snowballs?

See? Everything in war is a farming metaphor!! Everything!!

Later, when Easy Company is pinned down by a Nazi fighter (Easy gets pinned down a lot, don't they?), Krull uses his farming skills...

Man, you have to wonder if George Lucas read that panel in 1974 whilst preparing a certain screenplay. "One shot in a million?" "Just like shooting womp rats?" And Luke was a farm boy...

Anyhoo, Ranking is beginning to be converterd by Krull's cult-like tunnel vision of seeing everything as akin to farming...

But their mission is already over. For you see...

The plane Krull shot down crashed into the damn, just as the German demolition team was in a "small depression" at the base of the dam, and they were "weighted down with TNT," and the water turned to ice "real fast," so...

Sadly, that was the end of the story, so we were denied even more comparisons of farming and war.

Next issue: Easy Company picks up and accountant and a lion-tamer, and we get pages and pages of "war is like a spreadsheet" and "war is like a circus" metaphor. Just kidding (probably)...