Sunday, June 17, 2012

Even Anarchists Care About Personal Hygiene

Captain America's occasional partner, Dennis Dunphy the Demolition Man, sacrificed himself in a plane crash in the Arctic, and presumed dead.

But this is Marvel, of course, so he was actually frozen in suspended animation in the ice. He's rescued by a tribe of Eskimos, but he's in pretty rough shape, has no memory, and can't talk.

And of course, in this condition he stumble upon Flag-Smasher and an ULTIMATUM base:

Oh, c'mon, dude, D-Man's been through a rough patch. let's not be too critical...

OK, OK, finicky anarchists are really fussy about body odor. But when Falcon rescues him:

Now, for some reason, Marvel writers found this very amusing, and decided to make poor personal grooming the defining characteristic of D-Man's life. When the Avengers return from the "Reborn" universe...

Yes, Namor, the X-Men have never been choosy...they took you in, jerk.

But it's just arrogant putzes Namor and Moondragon who are so snooty:

Oh, come on, guys...he been living with and protecting an underground homeless group. Can't one of you cut him a little slack? And Vision and Machine Man...can you even smell anything in the first place? Sheesh...

And then there's Hercules:

Oh, please, Son Of Zeus. You come from a time well before deodorant and daily bathing and such. You're telling me things didn't get pretty stinky on the Argo, with 80-odd manly men stuffed into one ship on a long voyage?

(And can you lay it on any thicker, Kurt Busiek? How many stink jokes did we need in one issue, anyway?)

Anyway, Marvel writers finally got over their fascination with D-Man's hygiene. So now he's just a mentally unstable lummox who arbitrarily joined the Revengers and has been brainwashed into being the murderer Scourge.

Maybe the stink jokes weren't so bad after all...

From Captain America #400 (1992) and Avengers #1 (1998)


Siskoid said...

That's all ONE issue?

Ok, yeah. Overkill. Isn't there a shower in Avengers Mansion?

snell said...

Yup, all of those Avengers scenes were from issue #1 (it was a giant-size issue, but still...)

D-Man did use the shower in #4 before he left...seriously.

Martin Gray said...

Jarvis would have sorted Dennis out, surely - after all, he takes in werewolves

Hmm said...

Still better than Bendis writing him in the Pulse.

Healinghands said...

The irony being that, in D-Man's first appearance, within just minutes of meeting Cap he invites him to jump in the showers.