700 Ways To Die

As most of you must have heard by now, in August's Amazing Spider-Man #692, Spidey is going to get a teenage sidekick named Alpha.

But, as you also may recall, Dan Slott has promised us that Amazing Spider-Man #700 something "massive" and "seismic" and incredible will happen, with implications that it is going to impact every other Marvel book.

Well, that surely can't be a coincidence, can it? Obviously, Spidey's attempts to mentor young Alpha in the "with great power comes great responsibility" lesson is going to conclude in something ridiculously earth-shattering.

So, given that Dan Slott is a damn fine writer who has my full trust, let's toss around some irresponsible speculation, shall we? Let's talk about the possibilities:

SPIDER-MAN DIES:

Not likely. Marvel just played the "Peter Parker" dies card, over in the Ultimate Universe, and repeating a gimmick so soon, especially when most of the press & general public don't grok the difference between Ultimate Spidey & 616 Spidey, would be a sure way to get everyone to tune out. Even a fake death wouldn't be terribly sellable, at this point.

Oh, I'm sure that if he chose, Slott could come up with perfectly acceptable stories (Spidey dies protecting Alpha, who takes his place! Alpha turns evil & kills Spidey!), the proximity to Miles Morales' debut means this has about a 0% chance.

ALPHA DIES:

Possible. In and of itself, that doesn't seem at all "seismic." But consider the possibilities contained therein...
**Spidey blames himself, and quits. Well, we've been there done that quite a bit, and not seismic or massive. Not likely.
**Spidey goes on a big vengeance quest for those who are responsible for Alpha's death. A Spider-Man who really snaps and goes rogue, tearing through the villain community, and don't letting any hero stop him, has some possibilities. We've done this with other heroes, though...
**Peter Parker takes his "no one dies" philosophy to heart, and decides that Alpha's death proves that kids shouldn't be heroes, and he goes all Armor Wars to shut down all the youthful heroes--Avengers Academy, New Mutants, Future Foundation, etc. Granted, this may be too similar to Civil War/Initiative storyline, but you could get some mileage out of that concept.

There's one more "Alpha dies" scenario, but let's come back to that one later...

ALPHA TURNS EVIL:

And of course, immediately calls himself Omega. C'mon, we can see that one coming a mile away.

Of course, there are a lot of variations here, including Alpha Gets Corrupted By Power, Alpha Was Really Evil All Along, Alpha Is Controlled/Misled By Enemy X, etc. But none of those are particularly massive or universe-shattering, unless Spidey goes on a huge quest to bring him down that crosses over all over the place.

There are other possibilities, too, including Alpha is as clone of Uncle Ben, or Alpha is really another Norman Osborn bastard, but those ain't gonna happen, either.

So what is going to happen? Well, this is why they don't let me write comic books:

ANOTHER ONE MORE DAY

OK, OK, I know. Trust me, no one hated One More Day more than I did. And yet, since we're stuck with it, maybe Slott can do something with it.

Because honestly, Mephisto must be pretty bummed out by the bargain he made with Peter Parker. Yeah, that great "once in a millennia" love is gone, but it's hard to see much impact on the universe, really. Even Peter and Mary Jane mostly just shrug about their lost relationship.

Indeed, things have really never looked better for Peter Parker. He's a member of the FF and Avengers, he's recognized by (almost) everyone as a hero, he's saved the entire world a couple of times, he's got a high-paying science job...everything's coming up roses for Parker, and that must really tick of Mephisto. Sets a bad precedent for futures deals, you see.

So, what if...what if Mephisto corrupts Alpha (or, maybe if he was Alpha all along?). And what if Mephisto sets Alpha up to kills hundreds or thousands of people? And Spider-Man has his "no one dies" ideal, but the only way to save all the innocent civilians would be...to kill Alpha??

And not only that, but Mephisto arranges it so that no one knows that Alpha has turned, and has everyone--I mean everyone--witness Spidey kill the young and "innocent" hero. And somehow, he reveals himself as Peter Parker at the same time.

So no more Big Time. Spider-Man, hunted by police again and by everyone else. No allies, because everyone saw him do it. No more job, more hot-shot scientist friends, no more secret identity, no more Avengers, no more FF, no more allies anywhere. From the heights, Spider-Man and Peter Parker are brought down to the lowest depths.

Now that sounds more like how a deal with Mephisto is supposed to turn out, doesn't it?

OK, I'm wrong, of course. Feel free to come back in December and tell me what an idiot I am (or tell me now, beat the Christmas rush!!)

Still...it's seismic, it's earth-shattering, it would impact plenty of other books, it would be a very Peter Parker end to Big Time, it might serve to somewhat redeem some tiniest portion of One More Day...I'm sold. But again, that's why they don't let me write comic books...