The. Greatest. Comic. Book. Ever--Voodoo!!

So...what exactly is Lucifer's plan to bring down Batman??


Uhh...what?

Seriously? Yes, seriously. Lucifer's plan is to voodoo Batman, to steal the statue and subject it to "excruciating tortures."

If this theory of the devil's were actually true, you'd think that he'd just make a really good likeliness of Superman, and Wonder Woman, and every hero, and smack them around a little.

Well, despite my skepticism, this scheme actually works. Observe that when the statue is hit by a truck...

...an abandoned truck mysteriously slips its brakes and bashes into the real Batman!!

And when Batman falls into wet cement, it's because the statue fell into a bog!!

And when the bog catches on fire...

It works the other way, too. When Batman manages to rescue himself with a rope...

...the statue follows!!

And when the statue sinks into Loch Ness, Batman suddenly can't swim!!

Fortunately, the statue is sent to the surface by friendly monster hunters, and...

So, there you have it. Batman's life made hell by satanic voodoo!!

How can he survive this, and capture the mad bomber?!?

To be continued...

From The Brave And The Bold Special (a.k.a. DC Specials Series #8) (1978).

The. Greatest. Comic. Ever--Bring On The Bad Guys

So, our good guys are Batman, Deadman, Sgt. Rock, and Sherlock Holmes. Who could possibly be evil enough to stand against them??

How about the ghosts of Guy Fawkes, Nero, Benedict Arnold, Bluebeard, Jack The Ripper, and Hitler?!?

And who could be frightening enough, evil enough, to be master of these sinister shades???

Yep, Lucifer, the fallen Angel himself (and, it must be said, he's rocking that Grell-tastic outfit!! Well played, Ric Estrada and Dick Giordano!)!!

So what is the well-dressed Lucifer's heinous plot? How does all of this tie together? To be continued...

From The Brave And The Bold Special (a.k.a. DC Specials Series #8) (1978)

The. Greatest. Comic. Ever--Enter Deadman And The Detective

Meanwhile, in Niagara Falls:



So, Deadman is possessing people just to make them perform stunts--not to save anybody, but for showmanship? And then ditching them, and hoping they hit the safety nets? Not terribly heroic, Boston Brand...

Anyway, Vashnu sends Deadman to England to receive an important message (why not just give him the message yourself? Haney, that's why!):


Who was that mysterious figure? How could he see Deadman in his spirit form??

When Boston returns later for some follow-up advice:



Lay it on thick, Bob.

Obviously, either Haney just enjoyed being mondo mysterioso, or some rights hold-up was preventing them from mentioning Sherlock Holmes (he's not named anywhere in the story).

So, now the heroes are all on the board...but what about--the villains???

To be continued...

From The Brave And The Bold Special (a.k.a. DC Special Series #8) (1978)

The, Greatest. Comic. Book. Ever--What Do You Buy The Woman Who Has Everything?

Meanwhile, in jolly old England...it's the Queen's Silver Jubilee!! And of course, the U.S. of A. has to send an present, right? So what would be an appropriate gift to commemorate Her Majesty's 25 years as a constitutional monarch?

Why, yes...because nothing says "Congratulations for ruling England for so long" like a statue of Batman!! OK, in fairness, a statue of Batman is ALWAYS an appropriate gift.

But the best laid schemes gang aft agley, as...

Batman is an "establishment lackey?" Oh, Bob Haney...

At this point, Slay Monstrobot wishes to remind readers that, as a rule, Scottish nationalists are not devil-inspired statue stealers. Sure, this particular group is, but let's not make it a stereotype, OK?

Anyway, it's obvious that the lack of a Batman statue would "ruin the jubilee year!" So how do you recover a statue for England's Queen stolen by Scottish nationalists? Easy...

...as in Easy Company!! That's right, they're going to send U.S. infantry troops marauding around England and Scotland!!

Before you ask, Bob Haney never subscribed to the theory that Sgt. Rock "died from the last bullet fired in WWII." Nope, in his stories Rock lived on to modern day, along with Bulldozer, training a new Easy Company while on NATO maneuvers!! In fact, Rock and Batman were "old buddies":

See? Also, Rock obviously subscribed to "The Batman" theory of naming, as opposed to just Batman...

But why is this statue so important? How does it tie in to Batman's hunt for the mad bomber? To be continued...

From The Brave And The Bold Special (a.k.a. DC Specials Series #8) (1978).

The. Greatest. Comic. Book. Ever--Batman Will Never Go Hungry Again!!

Bob Haney has Batman channel his inner Scarlet O'Hara:

Hmmm, now I'm inspired to create an Elseworlds story wherein Bruce Wayne is Rhett Butler...

From The Brave And The Bold Special (a.k.a DC Special Series #8) (1978).

To be continued...

The. Greatest. Comic. Ever.--Batman, Terror Of The Playground

So, I'm off from work today, my other job is iced out, I'm all caught up on the TiVo...so it's time to wallow in the sheer insanity that is The Brave And The Bold Special (a.k.a. DC Specials Series #8)(1978), the Greatest. Comic. Book. Ever.

I've already regaled you with the general outline (not to mention Batman's declaration that "Ghetto people don't own boats!"

But this story is 37 pages of Haney insanity, and we've barely scratched the surface.

Take for example, Batman's hunt for the mad bomber plaguing Gotham. The guy keeps leaving notes with clues, sending GCPD and Batman on frantic hunts. The latest note leads them to evacuate all playgrounds. But...

Please note how, in the very next panel, Ric Estrada and Dick Giordano completely change the position of the see-saw, making this next Looney Tunes stunt possible...



But will Batman escape the bomb??


So, how did Batman avoid getting blowed up?

That's right...he's faster than Mercury! Take that, SHAZAM!!

To be continued...

Manic Monday--Better Than The Quarter Bin!!

So, I've been pushing the Archie at you today, and now it's time for me to put on my pimpin' hat at hook you up with some really cheap Archie collections.

Amazon has a ridiculously low price on 3 DVD-ROM collections of Archie comics:

Bronze Age Archie...

Bronze Age Jughead...

And Bronze Age Betty & Veronica...

That's all the issues of each title from 1970 through 1979, all on convenient DVD-ROM in convenient PDF format. The price? $2.99 each for the Archie and Jughead sets, $3.99 for the Betty & Veronica (why more for them? Because there's two of them, silly, they have to split the royalties!)!

That's dirt cheap, folks. If you buy all 3 sets, you're getting 360 comics for 11 bucks.

I'm not sure why Amazon has gone so nuts, but why not take advantage? And, full disclosure, if you click on the links here to get there, I'll get a few (very few) drachma. It's win-win!!

And while I'm dealing, Amazon also seems to be clearing out this DVD-ROM of Star Trek comics books:

That's 500 Star Trek comics--originally published by Gold Key, Marvel, DC, Malibu, & Wildstorm--for $6.99. You must know some nerd who would appreciate this as a belated Presidents' Day gift!!

Thus endeth the unseemly commercial interruption...

Manic Monday--Because I Am Extemely Immature

Archie's greatest pickup line:

Hee hee. "I'm deliverin' weenies!" Hee hee.

Hey, c'mon, it's not just my dirty mind--Archie and Veronica were all about the weenies:

Both panel and ad from Pep Comics #65 (1948).

Manic Monday--Archie Andrews NEVER Ran A Prostitution Ring...Really!!

Really, there has never been anything remotely lewd or licentious about Archie. Really.

OK, there was that one time Archie got himself a speeding ticket, and had no way to pay it.

Then, young Mr. Andrews notices the way boys have been reacting to Betty...

And a snarky, jealous put-down...

...leads to the greatest idea ever:

Yes, Archie Andrew's is running Riverdale's first escort service!!

Oh, don't worry, nothing too tawdry happens. In fact, due to Jughead's comical mix-ups, the first hook-up for "Heart's Desire" (yes, that's its name...it even sounds like a prostitution ring!) happens to be a disguised Archie and...

Miss Grundy! (In her first ever appearance!!)

Relax, it's all very G-rated. Although maybe, just maybe, we're veering a little too close to Law & Order: SVU territory:

Fortunately for all our mental health, this particular teacher/student tryst is never consummated...

From Pep Comics #30 (1942).