Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Golden Age Idol--Kalthar!!

It's time once again for Golden Age Idol--where snell tries to find an old comic hero in the public domain who's worthy of revival (with a significant finder's fee, of course).

Today's contestant?

Oh, dear. Another ersatz Tarzan?

Jungle kings (and queens) were a dime a dozen back in the olden days. What's Kalthar got that the others don't?

Oh, dear, again. Obviously, we've got some rough edges to sand off in the race relations area.

(But note, in modern day comics, this origin story would have been stretched over 4 issues--or 11 if you're Scott Snyder. Golden Age? Drop it all in one caption in the first panel and start the damn story!!)

So we've got a cliche jungle hero. Why revive him?

Well, the Urgana's witch doctor has a special present for Kalthar:

Oh, now we're getting somewhere--we've crossed Tarzan with Hank Pym!! A jungle man who can grow to 15-feet tall?! Hells yeah!

Damn straight. But Kalthar, I don't see any pockets in the loincloth. Where do you keep the magic grains?

Tied to his ears by "almost invisible" panther hair"?!?!?

Of course, just as Billy Batson is doomed to be gagged every issue to prevent him from using his power and ending the story in 12 seconds, Kalthar often gets tied up so he can't reach the magic grains...

Fortunately, our hero has a stirring jungle call:

So here come his friends!

Jungle fact: monkeys are faster than elephants!!

Bonus jungle fact: monkeys make handy hairdressers!

And there's a bonus to being 15 feet tall...

Bulletproof?!? All right!!

And isn't this what comics are all about--giant jungle men and his animal friends beating the crap out of Arab slavers?

Kalthar wasn't around for long...only 9 stories before he vanished into the mists of time.

But surely there is room in modern comics a size-changing jungle king, right? Right??

Nah, you're probably right. But maybe we could dump Hank Pym in the Savage Land for awhile...

From Zip Comics #1 (1940)

1 comment:

SallyP said...

I wonder how the panthers feel about the use of their invisible hair?