Like A Rhinestone Monstrobot

Sorry, ladies, you'll have to give up on me. My heart has been taken.

Taken by whom? Why, by...

I know, I know, a schlep like me has no business expecting happiness with a woman like this:

But Eastern Cowgirl Fern™ is the only woman for me.

But what, you may be asking, is the difference between an eastern cowgirl and the traditional western variety?

Well, the western kind is "wild, open and physical," whereas the eastern cowgirl, and especially Eastern Cowgirl Fern™, is "sexy, sophisticated and cosmopolitan."

How do I know this? Folks, Eastern Cowgirl Fern™ is no mere fictional character, no mere shill for the Urban Cowboy-faux-western craze of the late 70s.  No sir, Eastern Cowgirl Fern™ is as real as you or I.

Oh, sure, Eastern Cowgirl Fern™ does sell stuff--a gal's got to make a living. Making public appearances and self-publishing a book of children's stories starring yourself (in which she "she tames a wild horse by just looking him in the eye, how she lassoes in bad guys and drives around in a black Jaguar") only goes so far.

So of course Eastern Cowgirl Fern™ needs to raise some cash--but she does it in a very Eastern Cowgirl Fern™ way:

But wait, there's more:

See, I figure now that the furor over Eastern Cowgirl Fern™ has ebbed, she'd be willing to give a guy like me a chance. Plus, everyone knows that a cowpoke, eastern or western, male or female, needs a partner, someone to drive off into the sunset in that black Jaguar with.

So prepare yourself, America, for the newest power couple: Eastern Cowgirl Fern™ and Monstrobot®!!

Ain't love grand?

This ad, which changed my life, originally appeared in Adventure Comics #465 (1979)