Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Dial E For Eternity--Civil War II!!

I know we shouldn't pick on him too hard because he's a kid and all,but sometimes Kid Eternity is just pretty damn stupid.

We start as Kid meets someone famous in Eternity...

Ulysses S. Grant!!

And so begins the exposition dump...

Now, the obvious solution should have occurred to you by now. Just hold that thought, though, as Kid has some more background to batter us with...

Well, that was easy enough!

So Grant accompanies Kid and Mr. Keeper to Earth. And it is total war!!


Anyway, a surprising amount of 1946 plantation employees are able to recognize Ulysses S. Grant on sight...maybe their were all paid in $50 bills?

See what I mean?

Surprise--Dale is a butthead, and doesn't cotton to talking things out...

So how to help the wounded?

Florence Nightingale!!

And then we learn the danger of sending a military man in as your negotiator: he sees every problem as having a military solution!

You've just made things worse, Kid!!

Surely Dale will surrender, in the face of such a threat?

No, because Dale is a butthead.

Still, rather than try to reign in Grant, Kid does about the stupidest things he could do...

Robert E. Lee?!?!

Oh, dear.

Clearly, in modern times Lee is a much more...controversial...figure than he was in those days. Indeed, back then many chose to portray as a noble warrior in a noble lost cause. Some even argued that Lee was greater than Lincoln, as this snippet from Superior Stories #3 (1955) shows:


Today, of course, that tide has shifted for many, and Kid probably wouldn't get away with summoning Lee.

Not to mention of course, by bringing in another super-general, you're just going to increase the fighting and bloodshed!

Great. What are you going to do now, Kid?!?

Abraham Lincoln!!

Well, Lincoln has a good idea--have Kid use his powers the way he should have in the first place!!

Foster Carden!!

Look, Kid, this is the second time you've faced a similar problem, and not thought of this until the end. Can we make a rule? If some knowledge from a recently deceased person could solve the problem...THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD DO IS SUMMON THAT PERSON!!

Anyway, Abe's very presence is enough to stop everyone from fighting!

Yeah, Abe has star power!!

And Dad resolves everything.

And so begins the long parade of Civil War reenactors back to Eternity...

Well, that's the 20th Kid Eternity adventure...let's look at our standings so far:

Achilles 1
Antony, Marc 1
Atlas 2
Attila The Hun 1
Barry's father 1
Bernhardt, Sarah 1
Bertillon, Alphonse 1
Blackhawk 1
Boone, Daniel 1
Bunyan, Paul 2
Byron, George Gordon 1
Caesar, Octavian 1
Canary, Martha “Calamity” 1
Cannon, John W. 1
Carden, Foster 1
Cherry Sisters 1
Clancy, Patrick 1
Cody, “Buffalo” Bill 1
Columbus 1
Corbett, Jim 1
Custer, George Armstrong 1
de Leon, Ponce 1
Decatur, Stephen 1
Dockstader, Lew 1
Don Quixote 1
Emery 1
Galahad 1
Grant, Ulysses S. 1
Greb, Harry 1
Griffiths, Albert 1
Hercules 1
Hickok, Wild Bill 1
Holmes, Sherlock 1
Houdini 2
Hyer, Tom 1
Jackson, Andrew 1
Jeffries, Jim 1
Khan, Genghis 1
Kidd, William 1
King Arthur 1
Leander 1
Lee, Robert E. 1
Lincoln, Abraham 1
Marable, Fate 1
Mercury 3
Murphy, Charles 1
Napoleon 1
Nation, Carrie 1
Nightingale, Florence 1
Noah 1
Nobody 1
Osceola 1
Paddock, Charley 1
Pheidippides 1
Pinkerton, Allan 1
Plastic Man 1
Porthos 1
Prometheus 1
Robin Hood 1
Russell, Lillian 1
Samson 2
Sandow, Eugen 1
Schleyer, Johann 1
Solomon 1
Sullivan, John L. 1
Tell, William 1
Thor 1
Thurston, Howard 1
Tiglath IV 1
Tut-ankh-amen 1
Twain, Mark 1
Vercingetorix 1
Washington, George 1
Webster, Daniel 1
Zbyzko, Stanislaus 1

NEXT--Pogo the one-eyed cat?!?

1 comment:

anthrax2525 said...

Talk about crapping one out on deadline...