"Chicks Are All The Same!"

There's one thing you've got to say about a Simon & Kirby romance comic--the story frequently doesn't go the way you think it's going to!

Let's start with Mary, working at her father's diner when Trouble (with a capital T) wanders in...

Well, Tommy's about to do some crime...

Now, you've read this story a hundred times, right?

Tommy is going to reform, and get together with Mary, right?

Especially when Mary's "steady," Andy, is such a stuffed shirt!

Yeah, Andy is toast, right? Mary's going to go for reformed bad boy over unsympathetic and boring jerk, right?

"Yes, I suppose you might say that!" There's a relationship that's going to last!

Yup, turning up the asshole quotient ain't gonna work, Andy...

And Tommy clinches the deal, right...?

WRONG!!

"As my own sister"?!?!?!

"Chicks are all the same! They've just got to know their man will fight for them!"?????

Oh, man, that's a sucky result. Tommy's reward for reforming...is to be her "brother"?!? And Andy is rewarded for being possessive and violent?

And the title and opening caption said that each boy "wanted to be the...LADY'S CHOICE." But Tommy didn't want to, and she didn't want to choose him, and.....

Oh, man, this one is going to hurt my head all day...Romance comics, man.

From Young Romance #85 (1956), as reprinted in Young Romance: The Best Of Simon And Kirby's Romance Comics (2012)