Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Dial E For Eternity--The Rudest Immortal!!

What follows is one of the more remarkable Kid Eternity stories. Not for the story itself--it's done well enough, and has a couple of nice twists, even though the leads are bland--but for the use of Kid's powers, and what we learn about the summoning of heroes and legends from the past.

We begin in...FLORIDA!

As per usual, they stumble upon doings...

Mercury!! Congratulations, God Of Speed--you're the first person Kid has summoned 3 times!! Plus, you actually wore clothes this time!!

But he only rescued the damsel...who will stop the bad guys?!?

THOR!! And he's slinging slang!!


Don't worry, Thor--it happens to all us fellas once in awhile, right?

Anyway, we learn that this older couple had sold of all their worldly goods and moved to Florida, but they're having trouble making ends meet--until they found this map!

Well, Kid and Keeper go to find the husband, but the bad guys are being mean to him?

This is the second time that, in a modern-day (1945) story, the villains dressed up as Native Americans to do their crimes. Was this a thing?! Really??

Kid will settle their has when he calls...


So, the heroes of the past can shove their way to the front of the line, despite Kid's wishes?!? I'm pretty sure this is how one of the zombie apocalypses started...


Aaaaaand....we get problematical.

Again, it's 1945, and pre-Civil Rights-era, Kid is probably just parroting what he was taught in school (as are the creators). Suffice it to say, a 21st century-revival would be much less likely to call on a figure whose reputation has become much more controversial.

Still, we've got to figure out this map, so Kid calls...

Ponce De Leon!!

Oh, Jesus, it's Thor again!! That guy just won't take no for an answer!!

True enough.

But while Kid and Thor argue...

...Ponce sneaks off on his own to finally find that damn fountain of youth!!

Not only do we have characters disobeying Kid and following their own agendas, but they're obsessed with their reputations!! I guess you don't forget all your worldly problems once you pass on!!


Now, look. Whatever you think of Andrew Jackson, he was quite well known for fighting and relocating the Seminole. Given how self-aware all of his summonses are being today, you'd expect Osceola to say, "Look, Kid, you just cozied up to Andrew freakin' Jackson. No way am I helping you now!"

But fortunately, Osceola is one of the few well-behaved resurrected in this story. He find Ponce, and rescues him from a quicksand that guy really was an idiot!!

Finally, 900 pages later, Kid finally stumbles upon the obvious solution:

Captain Kidd!!

No, the joke is that, when the bad guys find the "treasure"...

That's why you don't live in Florida.

So, our whole adventure was a waste?

But when Kid tries to send Kidd back...

Good gosh, it was this kind of behavior that made Odin turn you into Don Blake, dude!

And the investigation reveals...

Good riddance!!

But this works out pretty well for the couple!

So Andrew Jackson thwarted the fake Indians, while a real Indian saved Ponce de Leon, Thor salvaged his pride, Captain Kidd laughed at everyone, Mercury took the lead, and an old couple in Florida gets rich off the crimes of others.

Good Lord, this is a weird comic strip.

Lots of summoning actions, so after 14 stories...

Achilles 1
Antony, Marc 1
Atlas 1
Barry's father 1
Bernhardt, Sarah 1
Blackhawk 1
Boone, Daniel 1
Bunyan, Paul 1
Canary, Martha “Calamity” 1
Cody, “Buffalo” Bill 1
Columbus 1
Corbett, Jim 1
Custer, George Armstrong 1
de Leon, Ponce 1
Don Quixote 1
Emery 1
Griffiths, Albert 1
Hercules 1
Hickok, Wild Bill 1
Holmes, Sherlock 1
Houdini 1
Hyer, Tom 1
Jackson, Andrew 1
Jeffries, Jim 1
Kidd, William 1
King Arthur 1
Leander 1
Mercury 3
Murphy, Charles 1
Napoleon 1
Noah 1
Nobody 1
Osceola 1
Pheidippides 1
Pinkerton, Allan 1
Plastic Man 1
Prometheus 1
Robin Hood 1
Samson 2
Solomon 1
Sullivan, John L. 1
Thor 1
Thurston, Howard 1
Vercingetorix 1
Washington, George 1
Webster, Daniel 1
Zbyzko, Stanislaus 1

The pace is only going to pick up, as next time...the Kid gets promoted!!


JohnnyBob said...

Enough with the Dial E for Eternity - please.

Warren JB said...

I dunno, Johnny. I'm getting a kick out of it. Lighthearted and really, really weird.

Andy Graves said...

Stick with eternity for as long as it takes.

snell said...

JonnyBob--Sorry, no can do. Feel free to enjoy the many other fine posts we provide.

anthrax2525 said...

Damn, Thor. Mercury finally bothered to dress properly. Couldn't you have done the same?

Erich said...

I just wanted to let you know how much I'm enjoying the Kid Eternity posts, and to say "Keep 'em coming!"