Sunday, October 11, 2009

The REAL Anti-Life Equation

We all know that Grant Morrison came up with a really, really lame explanation of what the famous "Anti-Life Equation" is (your mileage, of course, may vary).

Fortunately, I have stumbled across the real Anti-Life Equation, and it's far, far deadlier:

Uncle Sam battles whatsit, now?

Careful, don't say it aloud...

You see, prior to Pearl Harbor, the biggest threat our shores faced was, apparently, evil poets bent on taking over the country:

Now, read this, and tell me it doesn't behave exactly like the Anti-Life Equation:

OK, Will Eisner's poetry isn't going to win any awards, I'll grant you. But the net effect...well, it's even more effective than Darkseid sending out evil emails:

Even the president is afflicted, with FDR giving one of the more chilling Fire(Dark)side Chats ever:

So, it's that easy: come up with a nonsense phrase (or Anti-Life Equation), and you've taken over the country.

But our mad poet must learn a devastating lesson: you don't #$%^ with Uncle Sam!!

The good news is, the cure is relatively simple, as Uncle Sam just has to pull a Zatanna and read the bloody phrase backwards over the radio to save everybody. Really, it's that easy:

And the final fate of our villain:

Sam locked him in a room with a parrot trained to repeat the phrase ad infinitum (hopefully, they trained the parrot one word at a time)...and the poet kills himself. Again, do not #$%^ with Uncle Sam.

Final Crisis, done in only 4 pages, by Will Eisner (script, & art on the splash page) and
Dave Berg (yes, the Mad Magazine Dave Berg) in Uncle Sam Quarterly #1 (1941).

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