Friday, April 20, 2012

Friday Night Fights--Faster Than The Human Eye Style!!

You ever wonder what the Friday Night Fight looks like from the other side? Tonight we'll find out in a special bonus feature!!

WWII heroine Lady Jacqueline Falsworth Crichton, a.k.a. Spitfire, has recently been de-aged into a hunk a red-hotness during John Byrne's Namor run. (Yes, we know that he also similarly de-ageified another Golden Age heroine in the page of She-Hulk. Self-imitation is the sincerest form of self-flattery)

So Lady Jacqueline, newly smokin', is approached on the street by the not-at-all skeevy photographer Clive Slipperly (yes, really), who promises to make her a super-famous model:

With the encouragement of Namorita, Spitfire goes along with the idea, and...

Then follows many, many MANY pictures of Spitfire in increasingly revealing swimsuits and lingerie (because nothing helps make the point that women are exploited by skeevy photographers than running as many exploitative pictures as possible). But Slipperly goes too far:

She, you know she's British because she says "starkers."

Well, no decent 60+ year old British noblewoman is going to go along with that. But when she refuses...


Ahh, but wait...see that clicking camera? You see, Slipperly wasn't really just a skeevy photographer. He was really implementing a master plan--get Spitfire to beat him up on camera, and sue the living crap out of her.

Think about that plan for a moment. He had to find a rich female super-hero (presumably a non-powered woman couldn't beat the crap out him him), then convince her to model for him, then somehow make sure she balked at going "starkers," and then hope she reacts by beating the heck out of him in view of the cameras. As get-rich-quick schemes go, I'd say he was probably better off buying lottery tickets...except, of course, his plan worked.

Except, of course, it didn't. Because Slipperly forgot one important thing, as our bonus feature of looking at the fight from another perspective tells us:

Don't try still photography on speedsters, douche.

Spacebooger is speechless.

This odd business, by Ron Marz and Tom Raney, appeared in Namor Annual #2 (1992). Remember, kids--the best way to fight exploitation is to present as many cheesecake panels as possible!!

Now it's time for you to go and vote for my fight. Why? I have no earthly idea. Just do it, OK?


Martin Gray said...

Good grief, that was Sleezetastic!

And since when did Jacquie have silver hair? Well, apart from when she was an old dear.

snell said...

Byrne had her keep the silver hair after transformation, at least for awhile. I imagine it grew out...