Jesse James Is A Total Wuss...I Mean Badass!!

So, Kid Eternity's girlfriend has been kidnapped by some gangsters. Since he can call upon any person in history, it should be no big deal to come up with someone who can help him, eh?

So who does he summon?!? Why, none other than the rip-sorting, hell-raising firebrand, Jesse James--if anybody can go in there and rout those crooks, it's Jesse James, right??

That's right, Jesse Ja--wait...what? He's "not the man for this this job?" Huh?

He reformed? He doesn't shoot people anymore?? What?!?

Talk to them?!? TALK TO THEM?!? You summon Jesse James from the fiery depths of hell, and you expect him to do a Dr. Phil for you?!?!?! What!?!?!

ZZZZZZ...

Unfortunately, the gangsters aren't buying the reform bit, and they're gonna take care of this newly wussified Jesse James:

Well, that's that, I guess--there's no way peacenik Jesse James gets out of this--

OMFG He shot a live hand grenade out of mid-air!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But the bad guys are still sporting machine guns!! So Jesse's still going to buy it...

Oh, they suck. Now watch as Jesse James goes all William Munny on the crooks:




Wow.

Uh, Jesse...sorry I made fun of you...please don't shoot me...please?!?

(Editor's note--if snell survives this, he'll point out that this is from Hit Comics #46 (1947). In the interest of completeness, snell would mention that Kid Eternity also summoned Davy Crockett, Alexander Hamilton, Lord Byron, Tecumseh, and Belle Boyd--and snell didn't bother to make fun of any of those folks. Nope, he mocked the stone-cold killer. Good one, snell)