Friday, September 16, 2011

Friday Night Fights--Steve Austin Versus Flashpoint Style!!

It's time to get a wee bit nostalgic here as we do this week's Friday Night Fight. Because, if you grew up in the 1970s, this little clip explains everything about you, probably:

I'm serious...if you were of the right age when The Six Million Dollar Man aired, your attitude towards pop culture, science fiction, spy action, television in general, and giant alien Sasquatch androids in particular, were permanently transfigured.

So, tonight, we bring you some classic Steve Austin action--and no, not that "Stone Cold" clown.

The Bionic Man has been assigned to protect a young woman, Honey Pope (seriously). It seems she's in possession of some secret info passed on by her departed scientist father, and enemy spies want it.

Suddenly, Steve and Ms. Pope are ambushed by a motorcycle gang!

Hey, wait a minute!! Those guys are wearing Flash logos!! On motorcycles?!?! Is that Hot Pursuit, the time-traveling motorcycle cop from an alternate timeline who was really an alternate Barry Allen? Maybe he just came back to the same point in space-time 3 times, to triple of chances of grabbing Honey Pope?

No, of course it isn't (probably). Still, since Hot Pursuit was lame, and the harbinger of the Flashpoint, I kinda hate him. And, since Steve Austin is the good guy, I know he's gonna kick these motorcyclists' asses. So, in my mind, I'm going to pretend that this is multiple visitations by Hot Pursuit.

Fortunately, even a Speed Force-powered motorcycle is no match for two bionic legs!!

BOOM! Down goes faux Barry Allen #1!

GYMKATA!!! Down goes lame idea of a Barry Allen knock-off #2!!

POW, down goes innocent-person killing and all-around lousy cop alternate Barry Allen #3!!

Sigh. I know it wasn't really Hot Pursuit. But I'm certain Spacebooger got quite a kick out of seeing his boyhood hero kick the crap out of dudes on motorcycles, right?

Joe Gill and Demetrio Sánchez Gómez gave us man-machine versus men-on-machines in Charlton's The Six Million Dollar Man #5 (1977).

Now, I'm sure there are other good fights this week. But if you don't vote for me, some clowns at DC will decide that it's all right to bring back Hot Pursuit into the nu52. And we can't have that. So vote!!


notintheface said...

"GYMKATA" as a sound effect? That's a vote-getter by itself!

Martin Gray said...

You know, I've only just realised that as onomatopoeic sound effects go, 'POW' is just rubbish.

Good spot on Hot Pursuit. How i hate him!