Thursday, October 7, 2010

Marvel 2005 Week--Captain America #10!!

I am the Watcher, and even though I'm supposed to be watching this universe, I must have plenty of free time on my omniscient hands, because I spend a LOT of time peeking in on alternate universes. And so, my friends, today we observe a glorified What If?, as we look at:

Lo, House Of M, how you have screwed up myriad universes. Join me as we observe how a teensy weensy little change will make the whole of human history turn out differently. Joining us shall be:

We start in 2005, as an old soldier is receiving a testimonial:

Captain America old? How can this be? We must travel back to the days of 1945, where initially history transpires as we knew it:


But one small difference occurred in this universe:

And everything was changed:


So Zemo dies, and...

Wait a minute. As THE narrator of alternate realities, I cannot let this pass. A true What If? spawns from one detail changed, one moment where someone did something differently, or was 20 seconds late. But this...this House Of M is no What If?, it's an Elseworlds!!

Look, there's no way that having more mutants born, and eventually taking over the world, in any way comes from Captain America saving Bucky. Nor vice versa. The whole House Of M fiasco spins from 150 different alterations of the timeline, none of which are related to each other, and none of which make any sense.

That's what happens when you let an amateur like the Scarlet Witch be in charge of these things. This isn't a true alternate universe, it's a crazy wish-fulfillment scenario concocted by a daft bird who suddenly was given more power than God, murdered several of her friends, and then went really nutsy fufu. Seriously, it's a travesty!!

Ahem. Back to our view of this story that COULD have happened in your reality (even though it really couldn't have...I'm just sayin'.)

With Captain America and Bucky both available, the final invasion of Berlin went much differently. The Red Skull met a final fate:

And rather than being roasted by the Human Torch, Hitler was brought to justice:

After the war, President Truman gives the Star Spangled Avenger his blessing to step down and marry Peggy Carter. But he also indicates that, in this world, the U.S. is seeing a very different threat than communists:

And in 1951, the McCarthy hearings show this different focus:


Unwilling to capitulate, the good Captain pulls a JSA:


Using his military contacts, Steve Rogers , no longer able to be Cpatain America, uses his military contacts and becomes an astronaut, and in 1955, becomes the first non-Watcher to set foot on the moon:

Unfortunately, his controversial comment set off much political debate, and really tick off his wife, who is working for S.H.I.E.L.D. and feels that Steve's pro-mutant position has embarrassed her:


After the divorce (yes, really), Rogers and the no-longer young Bucky Barnes discuss the gray areas of the "mutant situation":



Than, Magneto becomes a major player on the world front:

And Steve being Steve, speaks out:


Unfortunately, this proved politically unpopular, and:

Rogers was now distrusted by both sides, seen as a mutant sympathizer for his actions in the 50s, and a "radical human-separatist" for his anti-Magneto warnings. So ostracized was the former symbol of our nation, that he was not even allowed to speak at Bucky's funeral (he died on a S.H.I.E.L.D. operation in Genosha).

So Rogers is left to live out his life on the lecture/testimonial circuit, applauded for World War II and walking on the moon, but completely irrelevant to the modern world:



And thus we...wait a minute, that's hardly a decent What If? ending, is it? Who died who shouldn't have? What happened when Galactus showed up? Where's the tragic consequences to show that the way our universe came out is actually the best-case scenario?? We just end with an old man walking home, and no particular tragedy?!?Damn you, Wanda Maximoff, you bloody dilettante!!

ELSEWHERE IN ALTERNATE MARVEL UNIVERSES:

I am the Watcher...oh, yeah, we've already covered this. Anyway, the House Of M continued to wreak its havoc elsewhere:

Now, HoM was supposed to be a world where mutants ruled and kicked ass, but apparently the Scarlet Witch frakked up again and T'Challa didn't get the memo. In this issue he kills Sabretooth, and with the help of Black Bolt, kills Apocalypse and his Four Horseman. Some better world for mutants!! Still, that is a better What If? ending...

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