"Mount me, Master Olsen?""MOUNT ME, MASTER OLSEN!?!?!"
Oy.
Anyway, are there any questions from the audience?
Q: So Jimmy had super-powers in this story?
A: Yes and no. He did, but for only a few seconds.
Q: What's the deal with the giant, super-intelligent red ants?
A: Oh, they were just a dream.
(Boos from the audience)
A: Wait, wait...you see, it was a dream caused by red kryptonite!!
(murmers of interest from the audience)
Q: Where did the red kryptonite come from?
A: Mr. Mxyzptlkk brought it.
Q: But how was Jimmy Olsen affected by red kryptonite? He's human!
A: Well, you see, while Mxy was flying around Metropolis, a "sudden gust of wind" blew off his hat, and he didn't realize it was gone.
Q: What's that got to do with red kryptonite affecting Jimmy?
A: Well, Olsen found the hat, and saw the Mxy had written his name inside it (Really!). And when his wishes started coming true while wearing it, Jimmy realized "it must be a magical hat that possess the magical powers of its mischief-making owner!"
Q: So what did Jimmy wish for?
A: Well, after money and sex (seriously), he wished that he had Superman's powers "for a few hours." And he also wished for immunity from "green kryptonite." Not all kryptonite, you see. The tragedy of incomplete wishes. Or, in this case, too-specific wishes.
Q: Where does the red kryptonite come in?
A: Well, it turns out that Mxy had the red K stashed inside his hat to surprise Superman with. So when Olsen wished he had Superman's powers, the red kryptonite in the hat immediately affected him, putting Jimmy to sleep, and giving him a crazy dream about being king of the ants.
Q: That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! You're making that up!
A: Nope. Here's proof positive.
Q: But Mxy can already do literally anything he wants to Superman with his magic powers! Why would he need red kryptonite ?A: You'd have to ask Mxyzptlk that question, sir.
Q: But wait!! In that panel, Superman's holding the hat with red kryptonite dust pouring out!!
A: No, sir, that is a Superman robot, not an actual Kryptonian!
Q: So that "mount me" business was all a hallucination?
A: Yup.
Q: So it was Jimmy's own imagination producing giant red ants and "mount me" and betraying Superman?
A: Yup!! As I covered in a previous lecture series, Jimmy Olsen has a deep-seated, seething hatred for Superman that he usually keeps hidden, but comes out every few issues. Not to mention sexual domination fetishes involving large insects.
Q:This has gone on rather longer than you thought it was going to, hasn't it?
A: Yes, ma'am.
Q: Anything else to add?
A: The giant ants' leader was named MGORO. The ant Olsen mounted was LLANIX. The Superman-robot destroyed the magic wishing hat, instead of wishing for something incredibly useful like world peace or for Mxy to talk backwards or an end to the writers' strike. No one even attempts to offer an explanation as to why Olsen would be such a dingleberry as to wish for super powers for only "a few hours." Mxy never comes looking for his hat, never finds Superman, nothing is ever followed up on. All in all, a typical Olsen Story.
Q: Thank you, professor.
A: That wasn't a question.
Jimmy ascends to the ant throne (in his fetid little imagination) in Jimmy Olsen #54, 1961.
4 comments:
Q: So Jimmy had no idea that the hat would grant him magical powers? He was just wearing a tiny bowler because he thought it looked good?
A: Correct, sir. After taking an "inventory" of all of his "disguises" (apparently for sneaky cub reporting), Jimmy decided he need more hats. So while he was driving home with a big boxful of hats in his backseat, Mxyzptlk's chapeau "fatefully" landed in that same carton of hats. (Note: in 1960's DC, "fatefully" meant "insane coincidence.") At home, Jimmy was trying them on one-by-one, and just happened to be making a wish while wearing it. Only after that did he discover it was Mxy's.
Q: Why is the red kryptonite dust pouring out of what appears to be a flower pot stuck in the hat?
A: Good question. The art makes it unclear. We can only surmise that the Superman Robot is tearing out the lining of the hat, beneath which was hidden the kryptonite dust.
However, the very next panel we discover that Jimmy's hair is also full of kryptonite dust (necessitating getting a crew cut from the robot, so Jimmy could be sure no dust remained the next time he saw real the Superman). So if the dust was underneath the lining, some obviously leaked through...
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