But man o man, armchair psychologists who spend too much time reading Jimmy Olsen stories quickly realize that there is also a huge undercurrent of tension, resentment and thinly-concealed hatred between these two "pals."
So let's start off Olsen vs. Superman Week with one of the more egregious examples of Jimmy being a colossal dickweed:
Yup, this story really happens, and the cover is 100% accurate. It starts as Superman is saving the world from some space-termites, when:
Unfortunately:
Things don't look good for our Pal Jimmy:
Now, in no big surprise, Jimmy manages to stage a miraculous recovery. But, dickweed that he is, he decides to use his illness to betray his "best friend":
Now, obviously, this kind of behavior should immediately disqualify you the position of "Superman's Pal." It's bad enough to pretend to be dead without letting your friends know you're alive. But to pretend to be dying, and use that to extract your best friend's most precious secret, for personal gain--well, that's dickweedery*, pure and simple. Of course, Jimmy maybe has some reason to treat Superman like this. After he checks out of the hospital, he observes this:
So, Superman definitely earns some of Jimmy's dickweedery* this issue. Unless there's some contractual clause that requires the position as "Superman's Pal" to be filled at all times, why in the world couldn't he have waited until after Jimmy's funeral to replace him?? And "I've had my eye on you as a replacement??!!" The context of the story makes clear that all of this happens during a 1-day period. Does that mean that Supes was planning on replacing Olsen even before this incident?!?! We'll never know, and we're left with one of the greater DC mysteries...what ever became of Carl Bentley, Superman's Best Pal In Waiting??Anyway, Jimmy can't wait to twist the knife:
Yup. "Sweat, you Benedict Arnold." Of course, Jimmy was going to betray you even before he knew you were going to bertay him, so I guess you both suck, huh?
Now, in a series of page-filling coincidences both tedious and unbelievable, Jimmy comes to believe that Superman has been lying to people all day. So when we get to the big TV show:
D'oh!!
What an ethical swamp we have here. Jimmy recovers from an illness, but pretends to be ill to get a big scoop by punking his best friend! But it turns out Jimmy's best friend couldn't wait for him to die, and was going to replace him!! But then Jimmy reveals that he's still alive, and makes his pal sweat as he pledges to reveal the secret to the world! Jimmy then, somehow, manages to "deduce" that he was wrong, so he can't go through with the unmasking. BUT it's not because he is convinced that the unmasking itself is wrong--he just believes he has the wrong info!! Meanwhile, despite a narrow and undeserved escape, Clark laughs and laughs and leaves Jimmy to twist in the wind. And thanks to unbelievably stupid "deduction" Jimmy makes, none of these issues are at all resolved
Zoinks! This is what passes for friendship in Silver Age DC?? Yes, yes it is. Friendship back then was merely a seething cauldron of hatred, resentment, gamesmanship, trickery and humiliation. Only random chance, chicanery, coincidence and stare decisis kept men folk from devolving into constant physical battle and, probably, cannibalism.
And that's just day 1 of Olsen Vs. Superman Week. Tomorrow: monkeys!!
All panels from Jimmy Olsen #121, 1969.
**"Dickweedery" is copyright 2007 by Slay, Monstrobot of the Deep. No, it's not a swear word. Feel free to use it in front of your mom.
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