Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Blackboard Jungle, Or, Scared Straight Superman Style!

Perry White is strolling through Metropolis, when...

Ah, but nostalgia ain't what it used to be!

Well, Perry is a keen newsman, so...

He arranges for Lois to pose as a teacher so she can get the story.

FACT: Lois Lane could not handle being a teacher:

So in swoops Superman to help her out!

Well, we can all see what's going to happen here, right? Using the classic storeytelling "rule of 3s," Superman's going to play Wishmaster and give these punks exactly what they wish for...

First up:

So, without so much as a permission slip, Superman whisks a teenager across state lines, and:

You have to love the Nelsonian "Ha, ha" there...

So NASA agrees to send an untrained kid into space as a favor to Superman?!?

Next up:

Florida was bad enough--now he's taking kids to other planets?!?

What. The. Frak?!?

Someone please tell me that this planet still exists in the nu52!!

Threatening to abandon students light years from home--approved discipline tecgnique in American schools!! (And since "Superman never lies," if Louie hadn't agreed to behave better, Superman would have just left him there, right?)


And after a quick trip to the Fortress Of Solitude...

Why the heck do you even keep something like that around, Kal-El?

You know, that's not a bad deal for 1962...

But Superman relents:


And so, our "juvenile delinquents" are now model citizens!

And it only took multiple felonies to accomplish!! Well played, Man Of Steel!!

From Superman #151 (1962)


George Chambers said...

Of course, Golden Age Superman would have just beat the crap out of the kids...

Sina said...

Re: "You know, that's not a bad deal for 1962..."

$2,000.00 a *WEEK*?!?!!? That's a FREAKIN' good deal for *TODAY*!

That's $8000/month (or $4000/paycheque) for just short of $100,000.000 at $96,000/YEAR!!! To put it into perspective, I'm making barely $2000/month working two jobs and 110 hrs per pay period :I

And that's *BEFORE* 40 years worth of inflation, to boot! Damn, at that price, I'd say "Yes" and then just get plastic surgery to fix me up all better with a plastic mold to replicate my face before it goes back to its normal, pretty self :P

SallyP said...

Damn. My daughter and my daughter-in-law are teachers. They WISH they could get Superman to do stuff like this!