How The Piña Colada Song Really Ended!

We all remember Escape (The Piña Colada Song), right? Rupert Holmes, 1979? A man grows "tired of his lady," so he seeks out a new lover in the personal ads? And he finds the "perfect" ad, and goes to meet her at some clandestine bar? And she walks in, and it turns out to be his "own lovely lady," the one he was trying to step out on? And she was trying to step out on him? And this led them to rediscover how much they had in common? And the only consequence was "we laughed for a moment"?

Man, the 70s were frakked up.

And we all know that's not how things really ended up, thanks to Bud Sagendorf a couple of decades earlier.

Wimpy look-a-like Sappo has grown tired of having annoying Professor O.G. Wotasnozzle as his boarder. And the inventor has become equally disenchanted with his landlord:

Well, there's just one solution:

So, of course...

Well, after arranging a meeting...

Now, contrary to what the song says, I'm pretty damned sure this is how the Piña Colada couple would have ended up:

For the record, I do like piña coladas; I'm not a big fan of getting caught in the rain, but sometimes it does feel good on a hot day; I'm not into yoga; I do have half a brain [Editor's Note: this is open to debate]; I do like making love at midnight, or pretty much anytime, but NOT in the dunes at the cape; I'm not much into health food; but I'm not at all into champagne; and I like the feel of the ocean just fine.

For the education of our younger audience, here's the song in all it's 1970s glory, with bonus Village People!


From Popeye #61 (1961), as reprinted in Classic Popeye #61 (2017)