Tuesday, October 14, 2008

If This Were An Olypmic Event, I'd Watch More Often

From Avengers #16 (1965), we see Captain America demonstrate the lost art of "combat gymnastics."

Combat gymnastics, you ask?

We start with Cap and Rick Jones pulling up to an Avengers Mansion teeming with media, (as rumors of a new Avengers line-up have been flying..but Cap doesn't know that yet):

Isn't there a members only entrance? A secret underground parking area?Well, of course, Cap can't mingle with the common man, especially the media, lest they ask him about watching videos on YouTube. So, instead of using some more subtle entry way, he decides to make the most ostentatious entrance possible:

Try that with a 2008 car, Cap...Ladies and gentleman--combat gymnastics!!

What--you say it was just a man using a car hood as as springboard, and didn't involve either combat or any actual gymnastics? Oh ye of little faith--listen to Cap describe it:

All Avengers business must wait for Rick Jones to finish parking the carDo you hear what Captain America said? "Dangerous" "difficult" and "art!" Dudes, this is already so much cooler than regular gymnastics!! Take that, Nadia Comaneci!!

Uhhh...not so much. Do we really believe that Cap just stood around outside the conference door waiting for Rick? Or that, despite the showing off, that Mr. Jones made it in through the throngs just as fast as Cap? Hmmm...

And once they get inside:

Too bad I'll kill them all and eliminate all mutants in the near future, dear brotherOh, Cap, you botched the dismount!! After all that talk of mastering the dangerous art of combat gymnastics, you're ready to toss your cookies just from being thrown up in the air??!! No medal for Cap, I'm afraid. (Then again, maybe he was just nauseous from being touched by Hank Pym....)

Still, if they did have combat gymnastics in the Olympics, the super-soldier serum would have Cap seriously failing the drug tests. So Batroc would probably end up with the gold...Damn you, France!!

Still, we shouldn't pick on Cap too much. It's tough when your new sidekick is always comparing you to his old hero:

The Hulk always called the next dayCaptain America: Rick Jones' rebound hero.

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