Thursday, January 23, 2014

"Hey, Aquaman, Is Your Refrigerator Running?"

Did you ever wonder how Justice Leaguers contact each other?

A jetliner carrying 183 innocent souls and 1 wanted mafia fugitive disappears just before landing, radioing about a mysterious waterspout enveloping the plane.

Batman joins the rescue mission, and...

[editor's note: this is an obvious error in the story, as Batman NEVER has useless hunches.]

So who does he call?!?

Oh, boy.

Aquaman has an "unlisted special number," accessible only via "secret cable?"

Seriously, like Aquaman has so many people trying to call him that he needs an unlisted number?? "Aquaman, there's a villain run amok...oh, wait, you talk to fish. Never mind." Hell, given his reputation, I'd imagine he gets nothing but prank calls. "Hey, Aquaman, do you have Prince Orm in a can? Better let him out before he suffocates!"

More seriously, what if this had been an actual earth-threatening emergency? Despero, or Starro, or the Anti-Monitor? To get in touch with this founding menber of the JLA, a hero in need had to call the overseas operator to call a special unlisted number accessible only by special cable which is then forwarded by a flunky with a (very cool) dolphin phone? You don't have a more direct way of communicating?

That level of efficiency explains a lot about the Detroit League.

Oh, yeah, and while Aquaman is a dick, he didn't kill all the passengers on the plane--but he did sink it. Because Aquaman's "secret intelligence network" had discovered that the plane was carrying a hidden hydrogen bomb, planted by vengeful drug dealers from "Karatolia," set to go off when the jet landed in Gotham...that was revenge for the U.S. destruction of Karatolia's poppy crop, because...

OK, enough. Let's just say "Haney." That's all you need.

And if you're worried about NSA snooping, well, just try to sleep tonight while thinking about Aquaman's secret intelligence network. The Atlanteans are listening to you...

From The Brave And The Bold #114 (1974)

1 comment:

SallyP said...

I will never complain about smart phones again.