Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Fourth Member--American Idol!!!

Well, we're finally back where this whole mess started.

It's 1976, It's Fantastic Four #176, it's Roy Thomas and George Perez. The FF have just returned from a space jaunt, having visited Counter-Earth.

(For those who have a life, Counter-Earth was an artificial duplicate of Earth created by the High Evolutionary to play God upon...it was located "exactly opposite" of Earth's orbit, so most people didn't even know it was there. Yes, I know that's not how orbits work. It's comics).

So, anyway, after hiring an unknown who would later turn out to be a hero; after brainwashing a hero whose brainwashing wore off; after once again hiring an unknown who would later turn out to be a (sort of kind of) hero; and after boldly deciding that a group named the Frightful Four was better off with only 3 members...after all of that, the Wizard and company have finally decided to try a new strategy to fill that fourth slot:

Kids--think Craig's List 30 years earlyOh, dear. Seriously, Wizard, don't you actually know any other super-villains? Couldn't you simply call up Diablo or Mysterio or someone and say, "Hey, wanna be in our group?" Putting out a classified ad doesn't seem to be the brightest way to go. But it will mean an awful lot of fun for us readers...

Rushing home, the FF discover that, for the 19th time, the Frightful ones have penetrated the Baxter Building's security:

Shot in Batman-visionAs I mentioned when this series started, that panel sent my friend and I into a tizzy, a month-long scavenger hunt through Marvel history, trying to figure out who that "most fearsome" new fourth member could be. We needn't have bothered, as we'll see...

We jump forward to FF #177...where we spend a couple of pages talking. But at least Roy has the good sense to be quite tongue-in-cheek about how lame the Frightful ones are, and their classified ad idea:

The problem wasn't gender...the problem was you were idiots!!Battle breaks out...

Don't worry, Reed...it happens to all menNote: as you can see from those panels, Reed's stretching powers have become unstable of late. That will become an important plot point later.

The Fantastics have the Frightfuls on the run...at least seemingly. When one of their members is known as the Trapster, though, perhaps the FF should have expected...a trap!!

Poor, dumb Johnny
as opposed to a 2-D hologram, Pete?Which leads to the Frightful Four putting their captives into the most ridiculous, yet most sublimely brilliant, contraptions ever.

Salvaged from the Titanic?No, I don't know whether Reed just had a giant propeller laying around, or if the Wizard brought it with him. All I know is: George Perez...bless you.

We should also note that this is the 15th time the Frightful ones have had the FF defeated and at their mercy...and don't kill them. But, believe it or not, the Wizard actually has a plan this time!!

First, though, the villain try-outs...as we've got a lobby full of costumed evil-doers waiting!!

Still, it's better than having your lobby filled with Star Wars fansNow, you know the early "audition" episodes of American Idol each season? The one where...ahem...obviously untalented...people somehow convince themselves that embarassing themselves on national television is somehow a good thing? Well, prepare for the comic book version of this, as every time the elevator door opens, we get Roy & George's version of William Hung, three decades early. First up:

Always ask for resumes first!
Actually, that costume's not bad for homemadeRule #1--don't piss off the Wizard.

Story idea--this guy is still up there...Next up?

Bless you, Perez
Escaped from the Village People?!?Hey, a dude with real powers!! This is bound to work, right??

Love the mustache twirl...
What loot?!? You NEVER do anything besides try to kill the FF!!D'oh!! Seriously...you let him go over money? You doofuses... (for the record, the "other bunch'a fellas" was S.H.I.E.L.D., and the Twister would go on to be one of their Super-Agents in the pages of Captain America. Seriously--S.H.I.E.L.D. pays better than the Frightful Four?!?)

Next off the elevator??

Ugliest Flint marko ever
Do they really say 'on line'? Because here in the real America, we say 'in line.'Don't these dudes have a camera to monitor who is coming up? A bouncer in the lobby? Is there any excuse for letting a traitorous former member come up and beat the bejeebers out of you? Is Medusa in line, too? Fortunately, once again the Trapster saves the day:

Odds of Thundra standing in exactly that spot? Anyone?Hmmm. That's twice the Trapster has saved the day. Hell must have icicles today..Hang on, it's time for the next one off the elevator:

Perhaps they needed seat belts.
Best. Costume. Ever.
Uh, dude, that was the stabilizer for the fusion reactor you just trashed...Finally!! A winner!!

Lying on your job application? Now THAT'S evilD'oh!! By the way, we learn in later years that Captain Ultra's real name is Griffin Gogol...try saying that 5 times fast...also, that Captain Ultra was essentially the Sentry before Marvel felt the need to come up with the Sentry. Ultra-breath?!?

Our next contestant eschews the elevator for a more direct approach.

Pre beatdown by the Hood
Because the Wizard's decision making skills have worked so wellNow, we can forgive the Frightful Four a bit here...at this point, Tigra was still a relatively unknown player in the Marvel universe. This was pre-Avengers, pre-impregnated by Skrull Pym, so they can be forgiven for not immediately recognizing her as a hero. Still, get ready for the third time (THREE!!!) that they accept an unknown female who will turn out to be a hero and betray them:

Wizard=putz
100% predictableSo Tigra manages to free the Torch and the Thing, and the Wizard puts out a general call for help:

Wow...they're actually lamer than Star Wars fansSo most of the wannabes were just...wannabes. But there's this one guy:

No, it's not a mis-colored Hulk
Purple and green--still Marvel's finest contribution to fashionHow strong is the Brute??

Should have saved that for Friday Night Fights...That strong.

Meanwhile, the Wizard takes Tigra for a spin.

He won't be the last guy to take Tigra for a spin...Now, despite a size disadvantage, Ben holds his own:

We asked Rodney Dangerfield--'How big is the Brute?'Until:

So many traps requiring such precision...Howzat? How did the Brute manage to decipher the use of Reed Richards' most complex machinery?? Because, my friends, the Brute is really:

Ta-wubba who?No wonder we never guessed the fourth member back in the day. The Brute? The Reed Richards from Counter-Earth?? Sure, he had appeared back in the old Marvel Premiere and original Warlock series several years earlier. But that was pretty dang obscure, Roy.

So the Frightful Four finally have a new member!! How's that gonna work out? Why has Counter-Earth's Reed Richards turned evil? Who is going to rescue the FF and Thundra and Tigra? What's the Wizard's actual plan?!? Tune in tomorrow, true believers, for a special guest appearance by Ronald Reagan, the fastest clothing change in history, and the biggest deus ex machina since the Mother Box!!


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