OK,
where were we?
Oh,
that's right!!So, after a
slight delay, let's go back to
Marvel 1999, and see what was brewing with the
Fantastic Four:
Uh-huh.
It's kind of
cute how they give a big shout-out on the cover (in
logo-form, no less!) to
Lockdown and
Rosetta Stone, as if just the presence of their names would somehow move more copies. It's also kind of
silly, because these characters only first appeared last issue, and after this story would vanish into
limbo forever, save for as brief cameo in
Contest Of Champions II (Electric Boogaloo). Nobody had heard of them before or since, but we're giving them special cover mention because, well,
maybe they'll be the next hot creations.
That's going to be the story of much of this issue: editorially, and in the script, there is a complete
lack of coherence and vision. Things are emphasized that don't actually go on to be important; characters are given splash-page cheesecake spreads, only to
vanish for the rest of the issue; "
huge" plot points are introduced that are never followed up upon. It's all very odd...it has the feel of a rough-draft, brainstorming session, but nothing was cleaned up between there and publication.
Let's see where we start off:
Hey wait a minute!! Nobody told me
Chris Claremont wrote some
Fantastic Four!! Man, you take 3 lousy years off from comics, and look what you miss!!
Let's hop forward to the letters' page, where we confront the main issue squarely:
Well, it's a conundrum. While I agree with the letters page answer (from editor
Bobbie Chase?) that it might be
unfair to suggest that Claremont is "too
X-Men" instead of "being Claremont," it's also undeniable that after his 17-year run on X-Franchise, that might just be a
distinction without a difference.
And in terms of content, I side with
Dave Andress of
Oconomowoc, Wisconsin. The fact is, this issue reads almost
exactly like a latter-day Claremont X-story. If you replace "
Negative Zone" with "
Mojoverse" and a few of the players' names, well,
FF #18 is pretty darn close in tone and style to an X-Men story. The bigger question is, was that appropriate for the Fantastic Four?
Well, to start with, the story begins with
no attempt to catch the reader up on what's been going on. If you didn't read the last issue, well, don't plan on getting caught up until page 12 or so, if you're lucky. I have more mercy than Claremont, however, so let me fill you in. The FF have been jaunting around the Negative Zone, stumble upon this odd planet, immediately find themselves attacked and unconscious. When they awaken, they have new identities, as the
villains of this world. Somehow,
only Reed is able to figure out what's going on, so he allows them to be captured and hauled off to this imposing prison.
Captured? Yes, by this world's
bestest heroes, Lockdown and Rosetta Stone!!
Or, rather, thinly veiled riffs on
Batman and
Robin. So thinly veiled, in fact, it's a wonder
Marvel decided to plaster their names, trademarks and all on the cover.
Who are the FF in this world? Why, in the
cleverest transposition of names ever, they are:
Grim Ben? Stormy Sue? Richard Reed? Claremont, are you phoning this one in?!? C'mon, at least
work at it a little bit.
Then we meet the warden of our prison,
Dr. Dantes (get it?!?
Get it?!?!?!):
Since Dr. Dantes vanishes from our story after page 6,
why does she get a full-page spread (especially as it's only the third page of the story?)? Again,
odd construction of this story.
Also odd is
Salvador Larroca's grasp of human anatomy. Look at that figure. Do those arms and legs
look like they actually belong to the person sitting at the desk? And really, why show off the legs of someone who's not even really in the story??
Damn, three pages and I'm already baffled. Let's continue. Batman, I mean Lockdown, lays down his
bona fides as a badass:
Nope, not like Batman
at all.
Hey, if it's Claremont, it's time for revealing character by
tell, don't show:
Hammer those points home, Chris, with all the subtlety of an atom bomb, just in case these characters hadn't already been around for 35 years. Johnny's a creature of impulse? Thank heaven you took (
another) splash page to share
that insight with us.
And of course, Larroca's not doing any favors for himself here, is he?!? Does this page's Dr. Dante in
any way whatsoever resemble the ones from the previous pages? Different eyes, nose, lips, all with different sizes and spacing...just awful.
We then spend some time with the secret identities of Lockdown and Rosetta Stone:
Get it?
Earthquake relief?!?
GET IT!?!? And don't forget the clever twist where, in this riff, the billionaire is the the the hero's sidekick, while her executive assistant is really the hero!!
Meanwhile, Reed
MacGyver's his way out of the cell just using air and a dollar bill--
really!!
Well, the good news is, that knocks out the guards and frees them. The bad news is, that also frees the "
Twisted Sisters," the all-female, all-mystical gang of thieves who are in a gang war with
The Tetrad, so they capture Stormy Sue, and perform a move
straight out of umpteen X-Men stories...
So Sue is with them now,
except...
Now wait a minute.
Why go through all that "transform her into one of us" business
for a full page, if you're just going to have her shake it off with no effort and no explanation in one panel?!?!?!? You even give her a new name! And then...nothing?!? Did you just want to put her into an admittedly
bitchin' costume??
What's the point?So, anyway, Reed has taken the red pill (or, rather, mysteriously seen through the illusion when no one else has), and decides to fight back in an
unconventional way:
After Lockdown shows up and takes out Ben and Johnny in
1.5 seconds flat (seriously), we have
yet another splash page devote to conversation!
A game? Oh, yes. Claremont has seen
The Matrix, so Reed dopes out that everyone is just in a
virtual reality environment, all playing some game. So he sends Sue "back," to use her force field to bust herself out of her containment vessel, while striking a very
Greg Landian pose:
She releases the others, and, yes...Claremont and Larroca really
have seen The Matrix.
So what's left? Oh, yes, that's right:
Exposition Theater and
Warmed-Over Star Trek Debates:
Well, that's all, right? Nope...we have to have
an empty threat from Lockdown:
SPOILER ALERT: Lockdown
never followed up on that threat.
Man, what a
mish-mash. There's a lot of stuff jammed into this story, but the pudding
lacks a theme, as Winston would say. We get a Batman riff, but
why? We don't a single
interesting observation about the character, or spin...it just seems as if Claremont wanted to show he
could write badass Batman. We get a Matrix riff, but again
nothing interesting is done with it, and the moral discussion is truncated, as is the explanation (what disaster? Is it a game? What is the rest of this world like? Is anyone in charge?). Claremont is content to
name-check these pop-culture icons, without actually saying or adding anything. And of course, none of it is
ever followed up on in the future.
We spend some time with the warden, but she vanishes after page 6. The Twisted Sisters transform Sue, but it's immediately
flushed away in one panel. And they just get up and leave. It's a frustrating,
lumpy experience. And if you replace the FF with, say,
Cyclops and
Jean Grey and
Colossus and
Gambit brainwashed and trapped in the Mojoverse, well, it's pretty much the
same story.
Add to the mix an artist who feels compelled to fill the issue with completely
unnecessary splash pages, has a fairly poor grasp of human anatomy and basic storytelling, and can't seem to draw any character (especially the women) the same way in
consecutive panels, and it's not a fun read.
And, just as he did in his X-Men days, Claremont has a tendency to
latch onto certain characters, but at the expense of others. Reading through his issues, the FF very much become the
Reed and Sue show, with Johnny and Ben being thrown a bone once in awhile--but not nearly often enough. And, to my tastes, that's not the way the FF should be. Claremont could rush like the devil through some storylines, blithely ignoring his own stories and subplots, as we saw this issue; or he could pad things out for freaking ever (he had Reed trapped in
Doctor Doom's body for
6 flippin' issues, even though we knew from minute one the whole story would end with Reed being corrupted).
I don't want to trash Claremont too hard here...but I think at this stage in his career, he clearly
needed some strong editorial guidance. But he (apparently) didn't get it, and now he's reached the point where he's writing the worlds biggest "
coulda been," the
What If Jim Lee Hadn't Forced Chris Claremont Off The X-Men series
X-Men Forever. So now it seems as if Claremont's the one trapped in the virtual reality simulator, reliving past glories.
ELSEWHERE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE:
For no particular reason:
Nova #2, Marvel's third (and
shortest-lasting) attempt to make a go of
Richard Rider as a continuing series.
Erik Larsen scripted,
Joe Bennett pencilled. I found the series a mostly-successful attempt to recapture the fun of
Marv Wolfman's original take on the character. But the guy was cancelled after only
7 issues, so not many agreed with me, apparently.
Posts
In 1988, for the Legion Of Super-Heroes 30th Anniversary, we got excited full page house ads, super-sized 64 page spectaculars celebrating Legion artists past and present, a 7-issue Who's Who In The Legion series, a special issue of Secret Origins...it a veritable festival of Legion-ality!!
In 1988, for the Legion Of Super-Heroes 30th Anniversary, we got excited full page house ads, super-sized 64 page spectaculars celebrating Legion artists past and present, a 7-issue Who's Who In The Legion series, a special issue of Secret Origins...it a veritable festival of Legion-ality!!
