I Can Lick Thirty Leopard-Cultists Today

I Can Lick Thirty Leopard-Cultists Today, definitely not by Dr. Seuss:

I can lick thirty leopard-cultists today
But you two not a peep
As I put you to sleep
I can lick twenty-eight leopard-cultists today.

I can lick twenty-eight leopard-cultists today
Hey! No fair with the knife
You could end someone's life
I can lick twenty-seven leopard-cultists today.

I can lick twenty-seven leopard-cultists today
Have a nice tryst
With my rock-solid fist
I can lick twenty-six leopard-cultists today.


I can lick twenty-six leopard-cultists today
It's kind of a goof
as we fight on the roof
I can lick twenty-four leopard-cultists today.

I can lick twenty-four leopard-cultists today
Watch out by the door!
Now they're on the floor
I can lick twenty-two leopard-cultists today.

I can lick twenty-two leopard-cultists today
You've fought to a standstill
Now it's OUT! of the windmill
I can lick twenty-one leopard-cultists today.

I can lick twenty-one leopard-cultists today
They just can't evade
When Chi's riding the blade
I can lick twenty leopard-cultists today.

I can lick twenty leopard-cultists today
It does you no good
To go "CHUD" on the hood
I can lick nineteen leopard-cultists today

I can lick nineteen leopard-cultists today.
You won't get too far
Chi's defending the car
I can lick eighteen leopard-cultists today.

I can lick eighteen leopard-cultists today
This one won''t go far
When shot by Black Jack Tarr
I can lick seventeen leopard-cultists today.

I can lick seventeen leopard-cultists today
These two must shiver
When tossed in the river
I can lick fifteen leopard-cultists today.

I can lick fifteen leopard-cultists today
I'll come back later
After feeding the gator
I can lick fourteen leopard-cultists today.

I can lick fourteen leopard-cultists today
Over the shoulder
As the water gets colder
I can lick thirteen leopard-cultists today.

I can lick thirteen leopard-cultists today
I'll count this as two
From this violent milieu
I can lick eleven leopard-cultists today.

I can lick eleven leopard-cultists today
Stay out of Shang's space
Or you'll get a foot to the face
I can lick ten leopard-cultists today.

I can lick ten leopard-cultists today
This trio's in shock
When attacked by a croc
I can lick seven leopard-cultists today.

I can lick seven leopard-cultists today
They shouldn't get stuck
between the heroes and the truck
I can lick six leopard-cultists today.

I can lick six leopard-cultists today
How would you react
To Shang's deadly "HWAKT!"
I can lick five leopard-cultists today.


I can lick five leopard-cultists today
These two get the heck out
When Rick sticks his neck out
I can lick three leopard-cultists today.

[Yes, that's Rick. In Casablanca. That's MOKF for you].


I can lick three leopard-cultists today
Their leader Maru
Is looking for you...
Can I lick three leopard-cultists today?


I can lick three leopard-cultists today
Is Shang fighting in vain
When his foe can't feel pain
Can I get past this leopard-cultist today?

I can lick three leopard-cultists today
Maru was tough, you see
So I'll count him as three
I have licked thirty leopard-cultists today!!

Phew. Panels from Master of Kung Fu #80-#88 (1979-1980), art by Zeck and Day. This was the "Warriors of the Golden Dawn" epic, wherein Fu Manchu takes over the Amazon and uses UFO's, genetically engineered monsters, and electronically-controlled government officials to try and set off a nuclear bomb beneath the World Trade Center. That's just how Fu rolls. So once again, Doctor Doom, you're a rank amateur next to Fu. Eat his dust.

And I promise to never do this again. Probably.